Five year old acting like "Lennie" with little sister

[saffrongirl]

Remember Lennie from Of Mice And Men? That's how my five year old is with her little sister and I'm not sure how to deal with it. She really, really, REALLY loves her sister (who is almost four months old) and loves to touch her and hold her, etc. I think that's great and I'm always acknowledging how she's such a good big sister and so on, but she really can be very rough with her. When she's touching her head (which dd 1 just loves), she'll touch too hard or pull hair which upsets the baby. Or she'll pull her limbs as she's trying to "love her." I try to patiently explain that the baby is REAL and has feelings too and that we need to be softer with her but dd 1 seems to "forget" whenever she wants to give dd 2 a hug or whatever.

Today dd 1 was walking and tripped backwards over the baby who was laying on the changing pad in the living room. Dd 1 fell on the side of the baby's head and of course the baby cried bloody murder. I had just run to the bathroom so I came flying out and probably over reacted because I very sternly asked dd 1 why the baby was crying. She was probably worried about me being so angry so she didn't say anything. I asked again LOUDLY and dd 1 started crying and explained what happened. I calmed down and tried to rationally explain that I was sorry I yelled and I just needed to know what happened so that I could help the baby and make sure she was okay. Baby seems ok now and so is dd 1, and obviously this was an accident, but it's an example of how dd 1 is just a bit oblivious to the baby's fragility and isn't so careful.

Any ideas of how I can explain to dd 1 so that it sticks that we need to be careful and love "softer?"

[zeldamomma]

Are there other things that she's gentle with, or does it never come up? I think I'd be inclined to limit her handling of her little sister as much as possible, while she practices being gentle with other things. Maybe you could get her a new babydoll to treat gently-- to avoid her playing roughly with it, I'd make it a special toy she only gets to play with, say, when you're nursing the baby, and you could sit together and talk about treating your babies gently.

[Mittsy]

Does she have a baby doll? You could show her how to interact with the real baby by play acting with the baby doll, this really helped my daughter when our son was born.

[saffrongirl]

Yes, she has dolls but it does seem like the ones she most likes to play with are not actually baby dolls but "girl dolls" if that makes sense. They are the Manhattan Dolls and don't look like babies really. I think the problem is that she doesn't get the concept of empathy yet -- can't really grasp that others feel pain like she does or that they hurt too. I mean, she sort of gets it in theory but it's hard with this person who is so little and doesn't quite seem "real" kwim?