DS hates for anyone to sing

[jenP]

What is up with this? Has anyone else had this problem? Did they outgrow it or what? My 4.5 YO DS has some issue with singing. Let me point out that he does like to sing himself sometimes. He also likes to drum and play harmonica or piano. But if other people start singing, especially ME, he starts freaking out and screaming, "No singing! Stop singing!" and so forth. We used to do Music Together up until he was about 2. He never really liked it. I guess there are two issues here: one is that it is incredibly annoying to be met with a tantrum anytime I try to sing in my own home or car. So that's more of a discipline issue to work out with him. But more disturbing is, I feel bad that he is missing out on the love of music. I would love to get him involved in Music Together again, or in Family Choir at our church, or something... but he just can't be around other people making music.
Thanks for any insights!

Jen

[CarrieMF]

I would not discipline him for this.

My youngest dd was like this. Any singing would send her into freak out mode. She has some sensory integration issues & the tone of people singing is one of them. It hurts her ears(and not just because of bad singing,lol). Disciplining her would not stop this from happening.

When she was in playschool they had to pull her out of the room when the kids would sing because she'd freak out. Happy Birthday(for anyone, not just her) would have her screaming.

She's almsot 8 & singing doesn't bug her as much, but if a class gets too loud it does. Through time she adjsuted to the loudness & found her own coping mechanisms for it. For assemblys she deals with it & processes it later when no longer in that situation. For gym class if it gets to be too much too often she'll get "stomach aches". In class if it's too loud too often she gets "stomach aches". She figured out that "stomach aches"(when it's really her ears that hurt) got her out of that situation & into a quiet room. She keeps gum at school that she can chew when it gets too loud.

[jenP]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF

I would not discipline him for this.

My youngest dd was like this. Any singing would send her into freak out mode. She has some sensory integration issues & the tone of people singing is one of them. It hurts her ears(and not just because of bad singing,lol). Disciplining her would not stop this from happening.

I appreciate the response, but I think our situations are entirely different. For my son it is most certainly a discipline issue, not a sensory issue. He sings, he listens to CD's, he sings with his sister, he loves happy birthday and lullabyes, he plays instruments - all of the above, sometimes VERY loudly. He just gets mad when I am enjoying myself and singing a song I like. He has a high need for attention and I guess he feels if I am singing to myself I'm not doing "his" thing. Or something. Sometimes he tells me I can sing IF I sing what he tells me to. It's like he's trying to control me.
FTR, I do not exactly "discipline" him for this. I just calmly let him know that yes, I AM allowed to sing and if he doesn't like it he is free to go anywhere else in the house.
It is not like I am singing all the time, or loudly. I just would like to sometimes sing along with the radio, or with the kids, or sing a little song that pops into my head.

Jen

[honey-lilac]

My son is similar. He is turning 3. He will often tell me to stop singing - but when HE wants me to sing then he will ask for more (lullabies, for example).

I might not be giving him a great example but I just say "no" and keep on doing it. I guess I'm setting up a pretty bad example (because I don't want HIM to say no when I ask him to stop doing something) but I also don't want to make a power struggle out of it, nor do I want him to boss me around. If I start trying to reason with him or start explaining why I would like to sing, it a) ruins my spontaneous mood and my desire to sing, b) gives him the attention he was inappropriately courting, and c) and he got me to stop singing. Usually he will lose interest if I acknowledge him but keep doing it. If he quiets down I will give him plenty of attention when I'm done singing, but if he doesn't or gets louder, then it becomes a completely different issue - and we deal with that the same way we would deal with any incessant whining/tantrum/demands.

I'm not talking about being insensitve - if it was really bothering him or there was a reason he didn't want me singing that's totally different. If he was trying to listen to something for example. But if there's no reason in the world, just that he's trying to be in control, it's just another way of testing limits I think. Testing limits is normal for a toddler and I'm OK with it, but in our house the parents get to (lovingly, gently, etc.) set the limits - not the kids.

[eepster]

DS does this sometimes. He likes it when we sing together, or if I'm singing for him, but if I'm just singing, he often doesn't like it. I actually view it as a reasonable request at times when we are kind of stuck with each other (like in the car.) I try to focus on him nicely requesting some quiet time, b/c YK as much as I love hearing DS sing most of the time, sometimes I need quiet time too.

[staceychev]

My DH did this to his mom. Turned out he had nearly perfect pitch and would get really upset that she sang Beatles songs in the "wrong" key--ie, one different than the song was recorded in.

[CarrieMF]

With my dd she could sing herself & listen to certain loud noises if she was in control of them(like the knob on the stereo,lol). When we sing/talk we don't hear the same tone as everyone else does.

However with your 2nd post I agree this is definitly not a sensory issue.

Does he do it only to you or to other people too?

Sometimes he tells me I can sing IF I sing what he tells me to. It's like he's trying to control me.
FTR, I do not exactly "discipline" him for this. I just calmly let him know that yes, I AM allowed to sing and if he doesn't like it he is free to go anywhere else in the house.

If this is the case then I would ignore him when he wants you to stop. By responding to him you are still giving him the attention he wants.

[E.V. Lowi]

Originally Posted by staceychev

My DH did this to his mom. Turned out he had nearly perfect pitch and would get really upset that she sang Beatles songs in the "wrong" key--ie, one different than the song was recorded in.

I had to laugh when I saw the OP's post. My daughter was just like this. She did not like to hear me sing from the time she was a very young age, maybe 14 months. By the time she was 4, she was downright disparaging of any music making on my part, which I found humiliating. Turns out she has perfect pitch and is now a piano music major and wonderfully talented, award winning musician.

[SoulCakes]

Ugh. My daughter was just like this! Except she wanted to control when I sang - sometimes she'd beg me to sing when I didn't want to, or tell me to stop singing when I did want to (so rude!). I just ignored it. It's not up to him when you sing, so tell him it isn't nice and move on. (Oh, and yes, my daughter sings pretty much constantly.)

Ok, not to sound rude myself, but are you sure he isn't developing a love of music only because he doesn't want you to sing? You said he likes to play the drums, etc., which is a great way to learn about rhythm. Does he listen to music at home or in the car? My daughter's a huge fan of all things music, but that doesn't mean she wants to hear my off-tone singing. ;-)

[4evermom]

My ds never liked singing, either. I have a great picture of him looking disgusted at people singing a Christmas carol over the holidays...

With him, I think it is two things. I think he does have a good ear and my singing probably is simply annoying because I can't carry a tune in a bucket. He has always been opinionated about music on the radio and never liked sing-a-long kid music. But he also has a high need for interaction and I think it is very frustrating for him to be with people that he can't interact with. People singing is like being noisily ignored. I can see how it is rude on one level to sing when you are with someone. It isn't much different than chatting on the phone from ds's perspective.

[proudmamanow]

OP--My daughter often does this too, I totally feel your pain! The rest of the family loves to sing, especially in the car, and she doesn't like listening to us. She does like singing herself & making up her own songs. Sigh!

[pjs]

My 5 yo ds does this to me! Now I know I can't sing, but when I do sing it is always in a fun manner. I had to listen to him sing the chipmunks christmas song only 500 times this past December (he's 5, he shouldn't be able to operate an ipod!)