Waiting the 60 days, after the B word - now what? *update 37*

[Michelle Renee]

*cough*
Im writing this for a friend ya'know..

Its hard to believe that with $1500, signing many many papers, and 6 minutes in front of a really friendly lady who says "I have no further questions"....every debt but student loans (well over 50K) can be gone.

Its hard to believe one day both you and your partner can have jobs and then in a flash -a lay off happens, and after years of juggling $60,000 + in credit card debt without ever missing a payment but the debt has been growing considerably... you hear "You will get a letter in 60 days" and your attorney says "That went really well..you should be just fine"

Now what?

My life is an utter mess. My partner cant find a job. My oldest daughter was recently diagnosed as autistic (holy cow that is costing a fortune - we have great insurance but the costs of getting her into all of her therapies -and she is not severe enough for SSI) , my partner and I are inches from divorce court (for way to many reasons to go on about), I no longer can whip out a credit card in between paydays (which was way too often for emotional reasons) , and I have no idea.

So what do you do after your declare? How do you do better? Can you rebuild your credit? Will I ever be able to get a car loan in my name (I never have been) or a mortgage?

I am trying to do better. I started with writing down every penny I spend and oh my god -I saw how it happened. I saw it.. like a light went on and I saw it. In addition to the medical debts we had from an uninsured surgery turned lawsuit - I saw how this all happened.

How do I start over.

I have nothing. My house is in my moms name - always has been. My little station wagon is paid for - I have applied for food stamps. Probably in the end with my job and my partners unemployment -we wont qualify.

I want to see the bankruptcy as a gift - a chance to start over and do things right and oh my god - What now?

[dachshundqueen]

Try mint.com for budgeting or dave ramsey for ideas on how to manage money longer term. Mint is free online budgeting software and Dave Ramsey books are readily available at the library. If you are certain that the amount of money you earn at your job would put you a small amount over for food stamps, would it be a benefit to you to cut back a few hours a month?

Liz

[SunshineJ]

Breathe. You WILL get through this. As of now, you do not have "bad" credit per se, you have NO credit. As backwards as this sounds, some people will actually be MORE willing to extend you credit because they know you will have to deal with it and can't file bankruptcy for several years. Whacked, isn't it? (And do NOT take them up on it!) As soon as you are in a position to, see if your bank has a secured credit card option, and get one with a limit of $50 or $100. Charge a cup of coffee a month on it or something, and pay it early every month. If you are careful and nothing catastrophic happens, you can use this technique to rebuild your credit to the point where you will qualify for a home loan or a car loan in about 2 yrs. It won't be the best rates, but you can at least qualify and that's something. In the meantime, save, scrimp, use cash for everything and definitely get an emergency fund built up asap (not always easy, I know). With no credit, I'd shoot for $1000 over the next few months if possible. It seems impossible but people do survive bankruptcy and can come out ok, I promise.

[femalephish]

One step at a time. Hang in there, Mama. You'll get there. Try to be proud of yourself for having the courage to face it. I don't have any advice. Just hugs.

[JollyGG]

I'd also suggest BKforum.com . You'll find lots of people exactly where you are right now, and alot of people who were exactly where you are and have made it beyond it.

[Michelle Renee]

Originally Posted by dachshundqueen

Try mint.com for budgeting or dave ramsey for ideas on how to manage money longer term. Mint is free online budgeting software and Dave Ramsey books are readily available at the library. If you are certain that the amount of money you earn at your job would put you a small amount over for food stamps, would it be a benefit to you to cut back a few hours a month?

Liz

Not possible. I am a teacher and with state cuts -praying to NOT get laid off myself.

We did Dave Ramsey a year ago but weren't quite ready if that makes sense but it did stop some of the stupid spending. Maybe now we can try again.

I get frustrated with my fixed costs.

Originally Posted by SunshineJ

Breathe. You WILL get through this. As of now, you do not have "bad" credit per se, you have NO credit. As backwards as this sounds, some people will actually be MORE willing to extend you credit because they know you will have to deal with it and can't file bankruptcy for several years. Whacked, isn't it? (And do NOT take them up on it!) As soon as you are in a position to, see if your bank has a secured credit card option, and get one with a limit of $50 or $100. Charge a cup of coffee a month on it or something, and pay it early every month. If you are careful and nothing catastrophic happens, you can use this technique to rebuild your credit to the point where you will qualify for a home loan or a car loan in about 2 yrs. It won't be the best rates, but you can at least qualify and that's something. In the meantime, save, scrimp, use cash for everything and definitely get an emergency fund built up asap (not always easy, I know). With no credit, I'd shoot for $1000 over the next few months if possible. It seems impossible but people do survive bankruptcy and can come out ok, I promise.

I was told I would get more offers. I am really mixed on this. LIKE horribly. Recently (day after xmas) my DD fell and had to get stitches in the emergency room - we were literally out of the country (for us 45 minutes away) at my MIL's and they would not even look at our insurance card. So - spectrum 3 year old, hysterical, bleeding eyebrow.. and they say "500.00 please". My MIL saved our butt. It makes me wonder if I should get a CC and put it in the freezer or something our but it inside my spare tire.

I really believe this is a fresh start Im just in that OH SHEEZ spot.

Ethically it bugs me. Some of the debt was due to an emergency surgery and some of it was because at one point I was very young, depressed, and was like had no idea what it meant to say no to myself or anyone around me. I wish I could tell people about this. Like really - young, PTSD issues, no friends and credit cards pouring in.. I then became everyones friend - I bought them. I filled holes in my heart with STUFF and now.. at 6 am in the morning - I was just downstairs in my basement with my label maker, taking inventory of my pantry and seeing what I actually have and what I actually need.

I said to DH last night "now uhm... I get paid tomorrow and I dont want to do what I have done before - shop thursday (knowing nothing clears before monday) before the check comes and be screwed for the next 2 weeks -what do we ACTUALLY have and how are we making the house payment"

*personal vent*

Some of our costs are fixed. Specifically house payment (in a house mom owns, great interest rate but upside down in it - we can NOT get out of it -my mom put a chunk of her retirement down to get us this house 5 years ago, no chance to refinance either.. and it is a house - small 3 bedroom, 1000 square feet, no bells and whistles) and our sitter. Yep - DH unemployed but full time sitter. DH is struggling with some severe anger/depression issues and is trying to get meds balanced and therapy. Oldest DD is autistic and needs constant routine and structure. She is so attached to our sitter, I feel, as well as some of the folks who work with her (therapists etc) -any major change in routine, could send her to a place we dont want. And as much as her Dad loves her - when she starts spinning and twirling and talking gibberish, and her 20 month old sister is having average tantrums -NOT A GOOD PICTURE. Our sitter is also grossly underpaid but we are her only income and she lives in a tiny tiny studio apartment. It works for all of us. DH is also interviewing for a new job whenever possible to find a new job and to try and find a new sitter who will put up with all of the chaos from the girls and accept the rate of pay is also an issue.

Oh boy!
We can do this.

[leavemealone]

Well, I don't know what to say other than I am right there with you. We had out BK hearing back in mid-Dec. It's not discharged yet, but things are coming together. We will have a payment plan for the next nine months b/c one of our cars was over the exemption amount and we have to pay money to the court, but it will be done in Nov. Life may seem to suck now, but it will get better. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

[deditus]

We haven't done it yet, but may in the future. We did lose our house though and had to move hundreds of miles away from family and can only afford to come home twice a year. I know the nightmare that MI is right now. You can do it and you will figure it out.

[Smithie]

"DH unemployed but full time sitter. DH is struggling with some severe anger/depression issues and is trying to get meds balanced and therapy."

Wow. I know for sure that you can survive bankruptcy, can survive being upside down on the house for awhile, can survive learning to cope with the endless therapy regimen a spectrum kid needs to thrive.

I'm not sure you can survive having this kind of dead weight as a husband. Only you can know what is right for you, but I could not tolerate this. The resentment would just destroy me. At the very least it's worth thinking about - how much more time, energy and money would be available to your girls if it wasn't going towards your husband? What would your life truly look like if you showed him the door? Are you happy he lives with you, or are you enduring his mental troubles and inability to parent because you hate the idea of divorce?

(And you are not, btw, the first woman I've ever "met" online who was facing a financial crisis and still paying for FT childcare because their unemployed husband couldn't hack it. It's pretty common. So if you were thinking of beating yourself up over that - don't. )

[Michelle Renee]

Originally Posted by Smithie

"DH unemployed but full time sitter. DH is struggling with some severe anger/depression issues and is trying to get meds balanced and therapy."

Wow. I know for sure that you can survive bankruptcy, can survive being upside down on the house for awhile, can survive learning to cope with the endless therapy regimen a spectrum kid needs to thrive.

I'm not sure you can survive having this kind of dead weight as a husband. Only you can know what is right for you, but I could not tolerate this. The resentment would just destroy me. At the very least it's worth thinking about - how much more time, energy and money would be available to your girls if it wasn't going towards your husband? What would your life truly look like if you showed him the door? Are you happy he lives with you, or are you enduring his mental troubles and inability to parent because you hate the idea of divorce?

Its not that easy. She is cuddled up in his arms sleeping right now after a very very long "bad" day. She didnt want mamma, she needed Daddy.

We will see. Only time is going to tell.

My husband doesnt cost me any money. (I have a grin on my face) Sheesh! His unemployment pays for the Nanny (nearly exactly) -Id be screwed without it.

It sucks though. I appreciate the words though, they are very nice to hear and I need them sometimes.

[Smithie]

Thanks for taking my words the right way. This is a topic I tend to get a little bitter about It has nothing to do with your family personally, just general anger thinking about all the endlessly toiling financially strapped moms I know who endure with such grace with so little support from spouse other than the paycheck, and contrasting that to the psychological tragedy that befalls so many dads who find themselves out of work and confronted by the specter of doing FT childcare.

I'm glad you love your husband. I'm glad he loves his girls. But truly it does suck, when only one of the adults in the house can pull themselves together at any given time. I hope your husband gets his head together, I really do... if he could just get a job. (Lots of people praying that prayer these days...)

[Porcelain Interior]

Originally Posted by Michelle Renee

Its not that easy. She is cuddled up in his arms sleeping right now after a very very long "bad" day. She didnt want mamma, she needed Daddy.

We will see. Only time is going to tell.

My husband doesnt cost me any money. (I have a grin on my face) Sheesh! His unemployment pays for the Nanny (nearly exactly) -Id be screwed without it.

It sucks though. I appreciate the words though, they are very nice to hear and I need them sometimes.

He's costing you the money you pay the nanny. I think it's definitely a luxury to pay for childcare when there's an unemployed parent in the home and you are bankrupt.

[dsaucone]

Now you . . .

budget

call the number to opt-out of cc offers

use cash

make sure you're both on the same page when it comes to finances

save for a little emergency fund so that when you're 45 minutes away out of the county and someone bumps their head you have the $500 to pay.

Good luck with the fresh start!

[Michelle Renee]

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior

He's costing you the money you pay the nanny. I think it's definitely a luxury to pay for childcare when there's an unemployed parent in the home and you are bankrupt.

Im totally not upset and I appreciate the constructive feedback.

Maybe Im totally doing the math wrong, because believe me I have calculated it. If I ask him to leave, he takes his unemployment with him. This takes about 1300 out of the house budget. I can not see any judge in the world, ordering him to pay all of his unemployment in child support. Our sitter's pay is pretty close to unemployment. In the end she costs about what local licensed child care in peoples homes and much less than child care centers.

So I ask him to leave (and he has before at my request) and now I have no money to pay for childcare. My check is (not quite) covering the mortgage and household bills.

Its a mess.

I appreciate the feedback. I need it.

[Michelle Renee]

Originally Posted by dsaucone

Now you . . .

budget

call the number to opt-out of cc offers

use cash

make sure you're both on the same page when it comes to finances

save for a little emergency fund so that when you're 45 minutes away out of the county and someone bumps their head you have the $500 to pay.

Good luck with the fresh start!

Yesterday when I was at work, he was bugging me asking me all kinds of money questions -previously I did the bills.

I come home, he has gotten quicken and has plugged everything in. Hmm. He has printed a 12 month report of our electricity usage. We will see - I guess today is the big quicken day of what goes where. Ill update you

What IS the number to opt out? Green path told me on the phone that this number existed but never said what it was.

Did any of you take a card and put it away? That just seems wrong (for me and shopping.. if it is in the house even if it was.. I dont know. I just want to do this right)

[gnutter]

Do not get a credit card-it won't help. IF you feel you must then instead deciede what a credit card bill would cost you and star sticking that much in a jar every month. A least $25.00-because if you get it you will use it. Ask me how I know

I totally understand having a sitter when dh is a home-my dh would need it too. He's great with the kids when its not full time. People can disagree all they want but thats just how it is in my world.


quicken is great-and if your dh wants to keep up with the budget and ends up being good at it then that will be a good thing.

I am an emotional spender too-it helps to allow yourself a small set amount to spend however you want-even if its only 20$ ever two weeks.Its yours and you can buy whatever you want and that helps curb the urge.

good luck.I filed several years ago-i did get credit cards again-I have since cut them up and I am paying them off-I didn't let it get huge though before IRealized what I was doing AGAIN ugh!

[BfBobby]

The thing about many of the cc offers that come post bk is that they often come with steep interest and monthly or annual fees just to have the privilege of having an open account. So you're better off to save a few bucks each month so that you have a little padding in case of emergency rather than throw money away toward a card that you may not need just for the sake of having an open cc account in your ice box.

[leavemealone]

We do not have an credit cards at all post-BK. We live on cash only for now. maybe one day we'll get another CC b/c I think there are valid reasons to have one, but not within the next couple years. It sucks, it's tough, but I really believe it will be worth it in the long run for us to not have one anytime soon.

[Porcelain Interior]

Originally Posted by Michelle Renee

Im totally not upset and I appreciate the constructive feedback.

Maybe Im totally doing the math wrong, because believe me I have calculated it. If I ask him to leave, he takes his unemployment with him. This takes about 1300 out of the house budget. I can not see any judge in the world, ordering him to pay all of his unemployment in child support. Our sitter's pay is pretty close to unemployment. In the end she costs about what local licensed child care in peoples homes and much less than child care centers.

So I ask him to leave (and he has before at my request) and now I have no money to pay for childcare. My check is (not quite) covering the mortgage and household bills.

Its a mess.

I appreciate the feedback. I need it.

I don't think he should leave, I think he should get his head out of the sand and help you out of this mess. Good luck, it sounds like a really stressful situation all around.

[Leta]

Oh, good, I'm glad you are with Greenpath. I used to live near you, I worked at a bank and many people got money orders for Greenpath every month. One day, with a very regular customer, I made a joke that Greenpath must hate personal checks, and she told me they were a "get out of debt" non-profit, and that no, they didn't take checks, and how wonderful they were.

After that, I'd say to customers once it while, "Yeah, I hear good things about Greenpath," and TO A PERSON, they all extolled their virtues.

I think what posters here are getting at is that if your DH took care of the kids, you would not have to pay the nanny and you could keep the $1300 every month. That is assuming that your DH sticks around.

I know that a lot of people see a nanny as a housecleaner or a landscape service- something to cut right away when hard times hit. Especially if you have a parent at home, this does make the most economic sense.

I'm not saying that's what you should do, just trying to explain.

I agree, don't get a credit card. I'll never have a credit card again. The only thing I would ever use one for is to buy airline tickets, and the few times I've had to do that, I've used my mom's credit card and paid her in cash. I'm not sure what I would do if I didn't have a nice mom, but I'd find a way to do without a credit card. (I do have a debit card for online purchases, but I won't use that for hotels, because they put a massive hold against your account, IDK if it's the same for airline tickets.)

As for hotels and debit cards- what we do now, after learning the hard way, is to call ahead to reserve the room, tell them BEFORE we give them our debit card # that we only have $20 in our checking account (having moved the rest of our money into savings via online banking, strictly for the purpose of the hotel phone call) and they can charge us $20 now toward the reservation if they'll deduct that from the total bill when we check out, or they can put a $20 hold against our account, but that's it. The bill will be paid by us, in person, with cash. If the hotel won't go for it, we simply say, "Thanks for your time, we won't be staying with you" and hang up. I've had three hotels call back and accomidate us. We've also developed some wonderful relationships with independent hotels on our "route"- the areas that we travel to frequently. At this point we are "preferred customers" at a great independent hotel in Gaylord (pool, spa, sauna, game room, comfy beds) and we get the off season rate any time of year, and never even have to give them a card number. So all cash, will, eventually, yield some advantages.

When I worked at the bank, we got bonuses for signing people up for debit cards. Why? Because it's really easy to spend into the red and then the bank gets to earn $$$ levying fees. Yep. And debit card fees have gotten insane- $35 is normal. Plus, banks have been known to do shady things like put through a $50 purchase, but then hold three $2 purchases, so they get to levy three $35 fees instead of just one. It used to be that if you didn't have the money in the bank, your debit card wouldn't work. Now, most banks let you spend money you don't have, at a rate of $35 per "red" transaction.

Honestly, what's wrong with cash? Aside from online purchases and the travel related stuff I already addressed, I see no need to use a little plastic card to shop. We don't even have paper checks. We have online bill pay- in the even that we have to pay someone who can't take an electronic payment, our online bill pay will send them a paper check. This is nice, too, because you don't need Quicken to track spending.

Our debit card lives in the desk drawer (online purchases only!), we pay bills with online bill pay, and other than that we use cash.

Whatever we spend, outside bills, we write on the calendar every day. Using cash makes this easier to get in the habit of doing, too, because you *know* there's no other record of it, hidden somewhere in your bank statement. So, yeah, our calendar has a lot of "$20 groceries, $20 non food groceries, $15 durable goods, $11 prescriptions, $7 postage" written on it, but between the calendar, our bills, and our savings contributions, I can usually add up our total income every month. And, if it's off, we usually can only not account for less than $20. For the entire month. It's GREAT to know where all your money is going, let me tell you. It's a feeling of control and peace.