I believe that I am a pagan at heart, but how to begin??

[Phoebe]

I was raised (not very devoutly) a protestant christian but the christian god never did sit well with me. Always seemed kind of like a mean, vengeful, jealous woman, always wanting you to prove your love. So over the past several years I have come to terms with the fact that I am not a christian. I am science minded and I don't believe alot of "garbage" and nonsense...I do believe in the power of nature. I've tangled with Atheism but that never rang true either. I have read several books on the wiccan tradition but honestly I just don't know where to start. I need a guide or a teacher. I see that Minnesota (my home) has an organization that has classes starting up soon. Does this sound like a good place to start? I am the mother of 3 small children so I don't have alot of extra time. Is it possible to learn meaning and rituals on my own. I tend to be a loner but I may need that community interaction as well.
I am ready to cultivate my spirituality.

Any advice?

Thanks so much!
Amy

[kcstar]

Have you been to Witchvox (www.witchvox.com)? They'll have listings for communities in your area.

I learned from a teacher and a community, but the movement grew in large part because of the Solitary Practitioners learning and practicing on their own.

I highly recommend Scott Cunningham, in particular "Wicca for the Solitary Practitioner".

I also like Joseph Campbell's works. They're scholarly and not always easy reading, but can give some insight into commonalities among the world's religions.

As for figuring out what you believe and building your own theology, the Unitarian Universalist church has curricula for that, and might be another resource. There are many UU Pagans (like me).

Check out the organization, by all means, taking the same precautions you would when meeting anyone you know only through the internet. I can't tell you whether it is right for you.

Starhawk is another well-respected Pagan author. She started in the ultra-feminist Women's Movement side of neo-paganism, so the different editions of her books show her changes in perspective.

[SunshineJ]

Hi! We started out path of coming out and into Paganism within the past year, so in all honestly we're still sorting out some of these same issues. There are many Pagan paths, not just Wicca, so if that one doesn't feel like a "good" fit either once you get into it, don't give up. For me personally, I started looking at different Pagan forums and was instantly drawn to studying Druidry. The program I'm in is a 1 year deal, and they're very upfront that once you get into it, you may realize this isn't quite the right road for you to travel. And that's ok - no one holds it against you if you don't figure it out right on the first try Many, many people are "Eclectic Pagans", pulling from many of the different Pagan paths. For me the hardest part was figuring out just WHAT I actually believe in. LOL my heritage is half Northern Religion (Asatru or Heathenism) and half Irish-Scots Celtic, and I've been pretty evenly torn between the two, so my challenge has been to reconcile the two halves into what I believe. DH is pure Asatru. Once you have that figured out, the hardest part is over!

If you're sure Wicca is your path, terrific! The best thing you can do is try to find a mentor or someone you can talk with. It just makes things easier. There are a LOT of Wiccan resources online, which helps. Do check out WitchVox for events and groups in your area. Also, if there are any Pagan-centric stores in your area, go hang out there for a bit and talk to the owners. They should have a pretty good bead on people to connect with. As for how you learn about your path, I think it's pretty much up to you, your time constraints, and how you work best. If there are classes available, I don't see any harm in enrolling them if that suits you. Even within Wicca itself there are variants, so if not all the information in one course resonates with you, that's ok - you've still learned what doesn't work for you. There are scads of books out as well, so if self directed study works better, that's certainly an option as well!

One thing I do want to mention is don't be intimidated about asking questions of Pagans. Now I'm sure some of it is regional (we're in WI and I swear people are just generally nicer here than in some other areas!), but overall the Pagan population is probably the nicest and most accepting group of people I've ever met. We've met a few who aren't particulary warm and fuzzy but for the most part they've been very helpful and just nice!

[wombatclay]

Heyla! You might want to join the monthly "pagan mama & partner" threads here in Spirituality. There are many, many different paths that fall under the pagan umbrella and the women in the monthly thread follow a wide variety.

One thing to consider is which "style" of pagan faith is calling you... some traditions are very formal, others very free form. Some are monotheistic (though pagan monotheism tends to lean towards "a single divine source manifesting through many forms" format that is often defined as henotheism or "inclusive monotheism"), some duotheistic (most wiccan groups fall into this one), some classically polytheistic (many, unique divine beings that interact with the manifest world as individuals), some pantheistic (the divine IS the manifest world), some panentheistic (the divine exists seperately from the manifest world while at the same time being an integral part of this manifestation), and others animistic (believing that all things are ensouled, but not necessarily that there is a divine being).

I often suggest that people take a look at the big picture of their life/personality. Do you prefer group worship or solo worship? Do you want to involve your children or do you want an "adult only" tradition? Is there a cultural, familial, or historic connection that might be leading you towards a specific tradition? Some people find that they feel most comfortable in the faith tradition of their more distant ancestors for example.

There is also the pagan resource thread here. It's long and a bit random, but worth the time to browse through. There are also annual "pagan summer camps" that are amazing sources of information. Each year has a different theme and hundreds of voices chiming in on different aspects within that theme... the Pagan Home is a great place to start since it talks about actually applying pagan belief to daily life. But there are several camps linked from that resource thread.

Whatever happens, remember to take time to enjoy the journey. I also came from a very "defined" religious background and for many years I found myself getting flustered by the lack of "do this, do that" elements. Although there are some pagan paths that do have very clear guidelines and traditions, pagan faiths tend to be much less 'scripted' than the religious paths your upbringing contained. I found this both exciting and scary. So just remember that you're in control of your spiritual journey and it's ok to explore all sorts of different paths along the way.

Have fun!