Transition from one to two kids?

[atpeace]

My DD will be just over three and a half years old when this baby will be born. I am getting more and more anxious about the transition from one to two kids, and am looking for advice, insight, and commiseration about this journey.

Please share your experiences and tips about having a preschooler and a newborn. Did you find the transition harder than expected? Is it as difficult as everyone's horror stories make it out to be? To add to the stress, we will be moving shortly before the baby is born, to a different city, with an in-law apartment in our basement for DH's parents to live in part-time, so we'll have three adjustments to live with! Plus, DH will be starting a new job as well. ACK!

[honeybunmom]

That's us, except our move was local . . . but had been in the works for about a year which included about 85% of our belongings being moved out of our home, then brought some back in over the year before finally moving a year later. Oh, yeah, the baby was born during that time and dd moved to a new school where her once best friend then wanted nothing to do with her. Actually saying, "Go away!" some mornings.

The baby will be 10 mos old on Tuesday and our daughter turned 4 in October. I had a home birth and she was there for it, although not in the same room when her brother was born, but came in shortly after. Fortunately, she did not have any regressive behavior. We had finally taken away the nighttime diaper about 2 mos before brother was born. No back sliding there. It's just that she's 4. And 3.5 - 4+ sucks.

Some days she takes it out on her brother, other days she's absolutely fantastic with him. She's old enough to keep an eye on him if I need to step out of the room (she'll let me know if he's put something in his mouth . . . but, other times, she's trying to feed him something that is too big and not appropriate) and really involves him in her play as much as he can be involved which is super sweet to see. Other times, she's trying to ride him like a pony. Granted, he's a big boy, but, he's a BABY!.

She's popped (hit) him a few times, too, but, never hard enough to make him cry, thank goodness.

I know I'm rambling. If you have any specific questions, I'll try to respond to them, too.

[MelW]

Similar spacing with my girls, too- my oldest was just under 3 1/2 when her sister was born.

We had a couple days of colossal tantrums right after the new baby, but it was a really stressful time for our whole family (my husband's grandfather was admitted to the hospital a couple of hours after the birth and died shortly afterwards, my husband took a cross-country business trip, mother-in-law was terminated from her job- all within the first three weeks of the new baby!!).

For us, after the initial week or two of adjustment things were easier than I expected. My older daughter was already pretty independent with potty-ing, dressing herself and best of all playing independently by the time the baby came. We could do lots of reading and imaginary play while I nursed, I would do bedtime by nursing or rocking the baby while reading stories to my oldest.

The catch? It's been harder since the baby started moving. I anticipated this, since my older daughter has never minded little babies, but not liked them much between mobility and the ability to have a decent conversation. Now that her sister can get into her stuff, I spend a lot of time trying to keep the girls entertained in separate rooms. And my youngest is content to follow her big sister around the house all day long and try to grab her hair, her toys, etc. etc.

We have my oldest in preschool. I love preschool because it gives me one on one time with the baby. And I really try to spend time with my older daughter during naps every day doing "big kid" stuff- puzzles, lego and other baby-unfriendly fun (lately reading, since we're at a page-ripping stage).

Good luck! When they are playing and having fun together it's some of the sweetest moments ever. My oldest told me that she tells her sister all of her secrets, because the baby can't talk, so can't tell anyone

[Bokonon]

I was on bedrest and mostly in the hospital for 5 weeks before Peepers was born, and Doodlebug was in daycare for the first time, but he adapted very well to having a new baby at home. He was really excited about becoming a big brother during my pregnancy, and really didn't seem to resent that the baby took Mommy away for a few weeks, so he could only visit me for a little while at the hospital after Daddy got off work every day.

When we brought Peepers home from the NICU, Doodlebug was ecstatic. He just adores her. When we pick him up from preschool, he tells her he missed her. He had a cold this week, and told her "Peepers, I love you. I'm sick, so I can't play with you, but I love you." He takes a lot of pride in making her laugh, and when she's fussy, he can fix that better than I can!

Honestly the newborn phase was fairly easy with the two of them. Now that she's older, not so much. But he's always been very understanding when I need to tend to her, even when it means he has to wait for something.

[annekevdbroek]

My boys are almost exactly 3 1/2 years apart. I too had anxiety about the transition. It turned out to be pretty easy for us. DSolder was excited when DSyounger arrived. His grandma brought him to the hospital to see me and the baby and he was so happy. He wasn't worried the morning he woke up and grandma was there and DH and I were at the hosptail. It was fine. No major tantrums. It did help that a neighbor handled the carpooling both ways to take DSolder to preschool two days a week for a couple weeks.

My boys are now 6 1/2 and 3 and so love each other and play together. Last night they slept together in DSolder's bed. So incredibly sweet. The love being together. It is wonderful to see how siblings get along with each other and bond.

I think the main adjustment was just to being busier over all.