Multi-generational living?

[atpeace]

Hello,

I am looking for other peoples' experiences with multi-generational living arrangements. We are going to be buying a house with an in-law apartment in the basement (with a separate entrance), for DH's parents. The plan is that they will live there for two seasons of the year, when they are not spending the winters in Arizona, and the summers in northern Ontario. We've been planning this for about a year now, and it's finally starting to materialize this spring.

We're doing this for a number of reasons: financial (we couldn't comfortably afford a house by ourselves), emotional (we think it would be great for our kids to grow up closer to their grandparents), and health (DH's dad has some chronic health issues, that don't yet impede on anything, but most likely will as he ages). Plus, we can pool resources and live less wastefully (we like to get together for shared meals often, we can dog-sit for them and they can baby-sit for us, etc).

What are your experiences with this type of arrangement? What are the challenges you didn't expect and how did you solve them? What do you like the most/least? I'd love to hear them all!

Thanks!

[4evermom]

We live in the in-law quarters of my Mom's house. It's very nice for ds to have another resident adult. She only babysits when I have a doctor's appointment and dh is unavailable (she doesn't really enjoy babysitting so I only ask when I really need her). But ds runs over to show her something and they have a nice relationship. It's nice for her when she goes out of town. She doesn't worry about the house standing empty or the plants needing watering. Dh mows the lawn. I do the handy things that I do. Mom prunes and rakes if she wants. I rake when she doesn't and shovel snow. Having separate kitchens and bathrooms keeps most household issues at bay.

I suppose the biggest potential difficulty would be discipline/parenting differences. My mom is very much on the same page as I am with gentle discipline. If she were more of an old school authoritarian type we'd have problems.

The other potential big problem could be finances, if one party feels like they are contributing more or being taken advantage of. Concerns about who pays how much of what bill. That'll depend a lot on the family... It's largely a communication issue, imo.

[woodchick]

I don't have any wise words, but this is something that has been on our radar for a while now. My folks would LOVE to share a duplex with us...we just have to decide whose 'hometown' wins

I'm looking forward to reading what others have to say.

[staceychev]

We lived with my mom temporarily--18 months--when we left NYC. That was hard, because we didn't feel like it was our house and sharing a kitchen was really tough, even though my mom's not much of a cook. She still likes her kitchen her way.

When I was an older kid/younger teen, we lived on two acres, and my grandparents lived in a "guest house" about 50 yards from our house. Generally, it was really great for us kids, but I think it was a little difficult for my grandparents because they felt beholden to my father to some extent, and for my father, because he always butted heads, so to speak, with my mom's very assertive and narcissistic mom!

[1jooj]

We've extended the offer to my parents, who are still very young and have their own home and a cabin in the woods for their long weekends. My dad still works and my mom is also active, so there isn't an immediate need, but both dh and I have been used to having much less than we feel like we have now in our big, old farmhouse. We have two baths and an extra room downstairs they could easily use as their bedroom if they wish.

When I was very small, my parents lived less than a mile from my grandparents and I spent a lot of time with my grandmother. My dh's mom passed him off to his grandparents to raise him for several years when he was a young child. I think the intimate connections between children and grandparents are wonderful, and I love the idea of sharing a footprint, sharing resources, sharing meals, sharing chores, security, etc.

[~*max*~]

I'm glad to see this thread. We too are considering doing something like this w/my in laws. They want to scale down in house size and we need to scale up due to our growing family. We may buy their house and they will build a separate wing onto it for themselves. As others have mentioned, there are so many positives to this. I grew up in a duplex w/my grandparents next door. It was such a nice experience to always have them so close.