Originally Posted by dogretro
BTDT, married the guy
From the time we started dating until the time we got married was about 2.5 years. We became sexually intimate early on in our relationship (we were both Christians then, too) & struggled on and off w/ not being intimate. What finally got us to stop was writing a contract. Our engagement was 2 years long (my family's rule is that if you are in college, you have to finish before getting married
) & we wrote the contract nine months before the wedding. It was v detailed and we actually had a friend sign it. We gave copies to our pastor and my parents (who really didn't care, lol). We decided that if we could not uphold the rules of the contract, we could not uphold the vows of marriage. Breaking the contract meant an end to the engagement. We were allowed to hang out alone as much as we wanted b/c our contract involved rules like NO KISSING. Yes, it was "extreme", but one thing always leads to another, doesn't it
We were allowed to hold hands and hug, but that was about it. At first it was tough, but we got used to it. There was no more guilt, just a lot of looking forward to the wedding night, haha! It took so much pressure off of us b/c there was no more fuzzy line, but a big, bold line drawn that we were not to step over.
It was quite embarrassing to have so many people know that we had DTD and were now stopping & not even kissing. Many thought we were nuts for the no kissing, but they understood why, for us, it was extremely important. Do not strike a match if you don't plan to light a fire. So, you have my full support, you CAN stop things at any time!
wow! this is great to share here! perfect example of the fact that you CAN have self control even when it feels like you can't. we are a spoiled society and so used to indulging in what we want when we want - and the sad thing is we lose the beauty of these things when we do that.
it's not abut what not to do, but what to do!
instead of saying "no sex" say " we will stay pure by not becoming sexually involved."
you need to be realistic. sex unites two people in a very spiritual way. you all will never stop wanting to have sex. it will NEVER be easy to say no. you must work hard to put fences around fences around fences to keep you from slipping down hard and fast.
I agree with the idea of not making out on a couch - but really? that's just sex without the fluid exchange. yk? you need to be going farther - as in not being alone in that room to begin with.
you could just avoid the act of actual "fluid exchange".... but really you would be missing our on so much. sex is much much much more than that. when you are married your sexual life isn't a single act. it's tender kisses, glances, giggles, touching, petting, serving one another, and even getting up with the baby in the middle of the night so your beloved can sleep. sex is all entangled in a marital relationship. when married you never have to think "I hope this kiss will not turn me on too much so that I will not be able to resist him!" you won't even have to think such things. you are able to let go of this worry and be open with your spouse. you can rest in that openness. sex becomes an intimate bond that makes you inseparable spiritually. it bonds you eternally.
I guess I mean to say if you view sex as just an act - a single act of being in bed together without clothing - it's missing the entire point of what sex is meant to be.
the reason why one should not have sex before they are married is because includes SO much. it awakes in your a spiritual hunger for one another - not just physical. it opens a realm that wasn't previously there. and when you stop having sex (which you should!) it will be like trying to close a door while wild winds are blowing. it will be a conscious continuous effort to keep that door from blowing open. when the door was never opened to begin with you would hear the wind howling, and perhaps even knocking a the door. but you were safe inside so long as you stayed away from that door. but once opened, it takes serious effort to keep it closed.
you CAN do this. you just need to be diligent and serious about it. it's no easy thing to do - but it completely worthwhile. God honors sincerity.