Having serious body image issues (some TMI, sorry)

[murphysaangel]

hi all. I'm 4.5 months post-partum after a 2nd c-section. This was my second pregnancy in 2.5 years and I gained over 50 lbs with each, though I lost some between pregnancies. So I'd say I am about 30 lbs overweight at the moment. I'm only 5'0 so that 30 really makes for a good amount of roundness. It's the stomach and saddle bags that really bother me. My post-c-setion tummy is disgusting. It's Just like a huge mass of fat. Ugh. I can barely stand to look at myself naked, and I truly feel bad for my husband as well.

THIS is the real issue. We haven't had sex since I was pregnant; it's that bad. However, this is MY thing, not his. He'd gladly DTD. I can't stand the thought of having everything flip-flopping around while we're getting into it. I don't want him to see me like this; I don't want that image burned into his brain. I don't want to have to lift up my flaps of fat for him to get "down there". Ugh. It literally makes me sick thinking about it. I cringe when he comes into the room when I'm getting dressed, and he's started to figure it out - he gives me my privacy. I feel bad for him because I know he misses our intimacy. I still "take care of him" if ya know what I mean, but it's with MY clothes ON (maybe boobies out lol, but he can't touch them either cuz the nips are so sensitive from nursing!).

I joined Curves last month, and I definitely have lost an inch or two and a pound or two, but it's certainly a far cry from what I want my body to look like. I'm nursing so lots of diets are a no-no, but I've cut out a lot of sugar and soda and stuff like that. I know it's not super realistic to ever think I'll fit into a size 0 again, let alone a 4...and I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never wear low-rise jeans again. But I'm scared I'll just feel disgusting for the rest of my life. The c-section "flap" isn't something I'd ever thought I would have to deal with and now I have one and I have to live with it for the rest of my life...and it's really disturbing. I'm scared I'll never have the nerve to let DH see me naked again. I'm pretty positive I'll never FEEL sexy again.

Anyone else feel like this???

[lotus.blossom]

Just wanted to send you a . I've been working out really hard after my second c/s and I'm not seeing a lot of results yet. I did get very fit between pregnancies but I'm the type that holds onto 10 lbs till I am done nursing. So I see myself getting stronger in the meantime even if I am not losing any weight. I also feel that since I don't have a lot of weight to lose (I exercise and wat healthy) its even harder to make the changes needed to lose the last few lbs.

I know 30 lbs feels like a lot for you, but its not really a LOT. I find that it really helps me feel better when I think of the folks on the Biggest Loser or when i read my shape and fitness magazines and I see the success stories of people who lost 50-100 lbs and look amazing! Its possible to reshape your body with a lot of commitment.

Don't feel like you will look this way forever. Its up to you to make the change. In the meantime, is it possible for you to treat yourself to some nice lingerie? Somthing that will skim your middle so that you feel sleek and supported?

[425lisamarie]

I think lots of us have been there. It's totally understandable that you want to feel sexy in the bedroom. I would just try to be slow and controlled about regaining your shape knowing that it will happen, it jsut takes time. And in the mean time, find a way that you CAN be intimate while feeling good about your looks.

If you want my advice, I would go to victoria secret online, or like fredricks which is a bit lower priced maybe? Get some panties that are missin the middle, you know...the crotchless kind. Make sure they aren't too low cut, they will cover your tummy, and you can also get like sheer bras to match. Sounds like you are a great match, what a nice hubby and kuddos to you for wanting to keep your intimacy.

[lil_earthmomma]

Your 4.5 months pp. Give your tummy some time hon! I thought I'd have a hideous stomach forever too, but 16 mo pp the skin has tightened up considerably, and my abs are strong again. It took time though. Yoga really helped with my body image, and with toning.

I think you should go and get yourself some pretty lingerie, like a corset or a nice nightie. Something you can make love wearing, feeling good about. Something that covers the areas you hate, while still leaving you able to dtd.

[lotus.blossom]

hehe. i just went to fredericks online store and found a few things I might get for Valentines day!! They had some aforementioned unders for 4.99 plus some really pretty chemise's for 19.99. I bet your hubby would be floored if you surprised him with lingerie and intimacy!



Hope I haven't taken this thread too off topic.....

[murphysaangel]

I don't know ladies...if I can do the lingerie thing. I'm cringing thinking about it. Just picturing all the places my fat will poke out. I guess it's just been a bad week. I tried on all sorts of bathing suits 'cuz we're going on vaca in a few weeks so that kinda got to me. (poor me, right?)

Do they have crotchless mumu's???

[lil_earthmomma]

Originally Posted by murphysaangel

Do they have crotchless mumu's???

Oh murphysaangel, you need to give yourself a break.

I had an eating disorder that almost killed me, and the thing that pulled me through was learning to love myself no matter what the mirror screamed. Sounds trite, but it's so true.

[crunchy_mama]

So sorry mama! It is hard to adjust to the new body after pregnancy and birth. I ended up w/ tons of extra skin w/ #1, it has gotten better, but it will neveer go away as much as I have. It took me a while to get over that and accept that it is what it is. I had a hard time focusing on getting back in shape knowing that my stomach is what it is and there is plenty I can do something about. TBH I still feel self-conscious at times when dh sees it and wonder if he is looking at it funny, but he really doesn't. I agree w/ finding something that makes you feel sexy and work on accepting yourself and loving yourself. I know it sounds trite but I have come to love this body and the amazing babies that has come from it. I no longer constantly think about my belly but I do find ways to accent the positive- how your pants and shirts fit can really make a difference- get good fitting undergarments and there are plenty of sexy lingerie that cover up the belly while you work on loving yourself and I think letting your dh love you as well can be terribly healing.

[Freedom~Mama]

I totally know how you feel! I hate hate hate my stretch marks and c-section flap. My youngest DD is over 3 now and I am still not comfortable with my stomach. I finally got the guts to talk to my DH about it and he said that he doesn't care and he is still very attracted to me and that someday when we have the money I can get a tummy tuck since it bothers me so much. Until then I am just going to do my best to get in shape and rock what I have. I know how hard it can be though to feel good about your body after having kids, I know it has been super tough for me. Having babies totally destroyed my body and although of course they are worth it sometimes I really miss my flat stomach with no stretch marks and my perky boobs...now my boobs are so saggy and floppy from bfing...ugh!

[RosemaryS-F]

Hi there. I have to say, I really do feel for you. Hugs! I felt the same way my first intimacy but the longer I put it off, the weirder I felt about it. Here's my two cents:
1. Get some spanx. Put them on under your clothes. They will make you look smoother and give you a boost of confidence. They are expensive, but work well.
2. Join WW if you can. There's a nursing moms program that helped me lose all my baby weight plus 6 lbs. It was only hard the first couple of days (and then not even that hard.) You get extra food and lose weight at a healthy rate.
3. Put in a bit of exercise. Even a small amount of exercise daily elevates your heart rate and helps your body burn more fat and calories all day. So take a walk or whatever exercise that you can. Set alarms or email alerts or get a buddy to keep you accountable to do this on a schedule. It's good for the baby too.
4. Tell as many people as you can and as you trust what you are doing. This will keep you accountable.
5. I'd have sex; I'd tell your hubby you're working on losing the weight, but in the meantime can you just do it in the dark. Spill out your fears to him. It will also put his fears to rest when he realizes that you are committing to a slim down.

[murphysaangel]

Hi guys. Thanks for all your msgs. I am revisiting this thread to get some much needed love cuz...

Someone at the gym the other day asked me when I am due.

Yup.

First...isnt there an unwritten law against saying that to someone????? How stupid do you have to be to ask another woman that AT THE GYM for chrissakes, at CURVES no less, when you have NO IDEA if they are pg or not.

So no, I havent lost any weight and my body is still disgusting and flabby and ...disgusting.

And yeah, I wanted to smack her skinny face, but I didn't, but now I honestly don't even want to go back and I was doing SO well going at least 2x a week. It's like I just want to give up now - obviously its not working (3 months of going!!!) and even other people can see it's a waste of time.

I've thought about going to WW but you have to GO there and I had trrouble even getting out 3x a week for an hour to go to Curves - how the H am I supposed to do WW on top of that? why can't they have a online thing for new moms who NEED that more than anyone else?

So I guess I just want to complain and cry here, but I dont know what else to do. I honestly wish I wasnt bf'ing so I could at least take some green tea extract or do some deep cleasing at least not be so effin hungry all the time.

SO depressed right now.

[kittywitty]

.

Edited by kittywitty - 6/18/11 at 2:08pm

[blessedwithboys]

just wanted to offer a cyber hug to you mama! i've had two cbirths also and while i am not currently in a relationship, i know that i couldnt be even if i found someone. the flap just doesnt go away no matter what you do. 3 yrs ago i lost 65 lbs and the flap was still there...smaller, but still very much there. i'm planning a panniculectomy in 2010. any chance you could make that happen for yourself? of course its easier for me as my "baby" will be 8 yo soon...

[1jooj]

It was wrong of that person. And people should know better.

I've been there, too. I don't have the abdominal scarring issues, but after losing 100 pounds, I gained a few back...and at some point when I was probably 15 pounds over my lowest (I'm short, too, so every pound sticks out a little further), a sorta-friend hugged me. And after hugging me, put her hand on my belly and asked if I was pregnant.

Having been so overweight, I have a loose abdomen, and it's very easy to gain weight back, too. Those comments hurt.

Don't let it get in the way of your personal health, fitness and intimacy goals. They're outsiders and don't need to have any power over you.

[lil_earthmomma]

I'm so sorry mama.

[kdtmom2be]

so sorry that you had someone say that to you.
FWIW, I'm 9 months PP 2nd c-section, also about 40 pounds overweight, so I totally know what you're talking about. My belly has looked A LOT better in the last 6-8 weeks, it does get better. I have just started using the Wii Fit for more than just games. I started the strength and yoga portions as well and OMG my body hurt for the first few days. It's getting better. Still no weight loss but I FEEL better about myself.

[iamme]

I have major body issues, and completely understand. I haven't had c-sections, but have had many hip-to-hip surgeries. I remember the first surgery-I was 25. I went into the surgery at 5'4" weighing about 105 lbs. Running and cycling every.single.day. My boobies were a NICE 32B.

I came out of surgery with my life, but was traumatized by my disfigured body-ESPECIALLY since the area was *down there*. I could no longer wear a bikini w/o this ugly scar sticking out. My newlywed dh could no longer run his hands over my smooth, strong tummy and...below. I was devastated.

Two pregnancies,3 surgeries later, and a total of 8+ yrs bfing(though it's really the pregnancy that does a number on our boobies), and I still fight this issue.

I can tell you that exercising twice a week isn't going to cut it. I went about 3 yrs w/o being able to exercise at all-doctors orders-so I totally feel for you.

If curves is hard to get to, I would order some dvds that you can do everyday in your home. Go to amazon, read reviews, etc..and get some that will really challenge you and some that will maintain you on your off days. Leslie Sansone has some nice, easy yet effective walking ones that only take 30 mins a day-no excuses! Get a variety of cardio and core/ab dvds. If you live in a nice sized metro area your library may have some you can try out.

Make it a priority. It really isn't about the weight-but about how toned you are. That little(big?) flap is there to stay-unless you get surgery to fix it-but you can firm it all up with determination via support, exercise, the way you eat, and the way you carry yourself each day(suck in your gut, pulling your bely to your spine whenever you think about it).

S*x is GOOD for those low belly muscles. Talk to dh about how difficult this is for you, and tell him you need him to be a part of your fitness program.

Don't shut your dh out and don't give up!

[ithappened]

yeap Im right there with you. esp with the sex issues

[Eaglevoice]

I wanted to chime in to say I was in the same exact boat 1 year ago, minus the c-section scar. After giving birth to two kids, and breast feeding for 5 years without a break, my body was hideous in my eyes. I had 60 pounds of fat, tons of saggy, stretch-marked skin. I felt so disgusting and hideous. The last thing in the world i wanted was to dtd. And to make matters worse, my dh wasn't all that interested in dtd, either. So I felt like he wasn't even attracted to me at all. It was a vicious cycle, that finally ended when I left him, moved closer to my family and got the encouragement I needed to start working on myself. I started with the couch to 5K program last June, I've kept it up, I've now lost over 40 pounds and I'm training for an olympic distance triathlon in April! I still don't have a rockin' body, but I'm much more comfortable with how it looks now. I still have a hard time when I think of what I used to look like, but then I sit and think about all I've done and how hard my body worked to make this pretty little girls. I'm learning to love my new curves, at the same time, I'm working out 5-7 days a week and eating really healthy, and hoping to have lost another 20 pounds come summertime. Who knows, I might even put a bathing suit on this year (I doubt it'll be a bikini). Good luck to you mama, keep trying!!!