My divorce is finally coming to end....

[organicpapayamama]

Hi mamas. So I have a long story (as most of us do) but without going into too much detail... after years of having everything on hold I finally got a hearing date to make the divorce/custody/visitation/child support final. I will be almost 9 months pregnant when I go to court. (this baby is not part of the custody/visitation/child support decision) Im happy It will soon be behind me and done with but I am a very shy person and a bit of a homebody. I dont like to be the center of attention or in stressful situations. Going to a hearing and not knowing what to expect while standing in front of a judge makes me very nervous. Even though my ex and I agreed to everything and he didnt contest a thing Im still nervous of the unknown. What can I expect? All I know is it should take a half hour or less. how should I dress? All I know from the people that were handling my divorce is that they just want to make sure that my ex and I understand what we are agreeing to before making it final. Im still nervous though. My original hearing date was set for the week of my due date so I moved it up sooner to before the baby was born because I didnt want to have to go to court leaving a new born at home. But any mamas that have btdt what can I expect? should I be nervous? My ex isnt going to be there... just me.

[NolaRiordan]

Congrats to you on being close to being finished. If there's nothing being contested my guess is this is all a formality. Likely there'll be more interaction between your lawyer and the judge and you just sit there. I hope your lawyer preps you if there is anything you need to do or say. I did have to take the stand and answer a few questions-- one of which was to ask me if I was pregnant. They also asked if the marriage was irretrievable broken, and to give a brief explanation as to why. That was the worst of it, though my lawyer did tell me they would ask me that so I had prepared an answer. Basically you need to convince the judge that there's no hope the marriage can be saved. Thanks god my X wasn't there. It would have been WAY worse if I'd had to say those things with him there. I don't think you need to be nervous. It was somewhat emotional to me just to be there and have it all be officially, legally over. I wore a suit, but that may have been overkill. It is court though so I would dress nicely. Maybe a skirt or nice slacks. Good luck!

[organicpapayamama]

Originally Posted by NolaRiordan

Congrats to you on being close to being finished. If there's nothing being contested my guess is this is all a formality. Likely there'll be more interaction between your lawyer and the judge and you just sit there. I hope your lawyer preps you if there is anything you need to do or say. I did have to take the stand and answer a few questions-- one of which was to ask me if I was pregnant. They also asked if the marriage was irretrievable broken, and to give a brief explanation as to why. That was the worst of it, though my lawyer did tell me they would ask me that so I had prepared an answer. Basically you need to convince the judge that there's no hope the marriage can be saved. Thanks god my X wasn't there. It would have been WAY worse if I'd had to say those things with him there. I don't think you need to be nervous. It was somewhat emotional to me just to be there and have it all be officially, legally over. I wore a suit, but that may have been overkill. It is court though so I would dress nicely. Maybe a skirt or nice slacks. Good luck!

thank you. I dont have a lawyer. neither does stbx. we did it ourselves because we could not afford to hire a lawyer. wow they ask why the marriage is broken? wow... well I dont know what to say to that without sounding bitter. I guess I could state the facts that he left when I was pregnant with our son just a few months after our daughter died. While he was away he changed as a person to a person that I no longer know. He found another woman, got engaged prior to me giving birth to our son. Got her pregnant and Im obviously disgusted by him now... ok ok... no I wont say it like that but how do you put it in a mature yet powerful convincing way?

as a side note when I asked to move the hearing date of course they asked why and I explained it was scheduled very close to my due date as I am expecting again. Our divorce has been pushed on hold for many reasons one being that I was pregnant with out son when I first filed and we had to wait for DS to have a name and social # to put on the divorce/custody docs. I didnt want them to think this baby was my ex's and make the process drag on even longer so I said "its not his" without thinking. The man on the phone (idk who he was) said "oh no you dont want to tell me that.... ok Ill pretend I didnt hear that." That made be feel like the biggest loser. Its not what he thinks either... while my ex didnt have the decency to keep it in his pants until we were divorced I however got pg using AI and a sperm bank. I guess if it came down to it I could explain that to preserve my "moral standing". Should I mention it without being asked? I dont want to open another can of worms... but I also dont want to look like Ive been sleeping with anyone either...

[NolaRiordan]

I'm sure it's different in different states. I am in Michigan. I know people in other states say they don't have to get on the stand at all. My lawyer told me to say something convincing about why the marriage had broken up-- he said there was some possibility the judge could suggest you try again if it sounded like there was some evidence that it could be worked out. In fact when my parents got divorced in the 80's my mother said the judge asked her if she would consider going to counseling and she said no.

[pranamama]

he fathered a child with another woman should do it

[rhiandmoi]

I don't know how it is in your state, but you might have to show paperwork from the fertility clinic from when you took possession of the sperm to demonstrate that your new baby is not a product of your marriage. In some states any child conceived during the marriage is assumed to be a product of the marriage, and that can monkey up finalizing a divorce. So, I would bring those papers if you can get them, in case the judge asks.

[organicpapayamama]

Originally Posted by rhiandmoi

I don't know how it is in your state, but you might have to show paperwork from the fertility clinic from when you took possession of the sperm to demonstrate that your new baby is not a product of your marriage. In some states any child conceived during the marriage is assumed to be a product of the marriage, and that can monkey up finalizing a divorce. So, I would bring those papers if you can get them, in case the judge asks.

Well the only paper work I had was for getting my drs approval for me to do it. I had to give that form to the bank...I suppose I could ask for a copy. Each time I bought the vial it was over the phone so I have no paperwork. Also just thinking here... What about women that use a friend or something without the formality of paperwork?

[RollerCoasterMama]

Originally Posted by organicpapayamama

Well the only paper work I had was for getting my drs approval for me to do it. I had to give that form to the bank...I suppose I could ask for a copy. Each time I bought the vial it was over the phone so I have no paperwork. Also just thinking here... What about women that use a friend or something without the formality of paperwork?

Just call the bank and ask them for an invoice showing distribution. That should do the trick. They won't have any problem doing that for you. It's not a bad thing to keep in your records anyway.