Help dealing with OB

[nanasmom]

This is going to be really strange but I need advice on how to deal with this.

I was planning on a hospital VBAC with an OB who I loved, but after speaking with people, reading etc. I decided on a HBAC. I finally let my OB know and he is not too happy with me. He actually thinks I am doing a birth center birth - I never specified either way - just said I am switching to a midwife and he assumed at a birth center. I didn't bother correcting him
In any case, I know he is only going crazy because he cares and is concerned - its 100% not a situation of where he is upset because he is losing a patient/money for the birth. So I think he realized he wouldn't get anywhere with me so he asked if it was okay to call DH which I agreed to. Basically, the outcome of the conversation with DH was that he is totally okay with me giving birth with a midwife as long as it is in a hospital with an OB supervising. I know this is my/our choice to make and I am not really wavering in my decision but the OB plans on calling myself or DH every day until I give birth to make sure we are following his advice because he is genuinely concerned. Of course DH is now wavering a bit in his opinions on homebirth, asking me how I will handle the pain, and all these what-ifs. We both respect the OB tremendously and really don't want to burn any bridges. How do I tell him to bug off respectfully? And even if I do, I am not sure he will. Basically, how do I deal with OB (and DHs wavering opinion)?

Help!

Rachel

[blessedwithboys]

change your phone number

any other comments i have would be a major UAV

[mommajb]

For how many days will he be calling? Honestly, I am surprised he has the time and perseverance to do this. He has stated his case and I assume you have stated yours or at least made noises about respecting his opinion and taking it into consideration as you make your decisions. He should back off and/or state that remains available to continue seeing you as you approach your due date or something but not call and bother you everyday. Even under his care I presume you would only see him weekly as you approach term.

[Amatullah0]

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

change your phone number

any other comments i have would be a major UAV

yes, thats a horrible situation! theres no reason he needs to be calling your DH too. its as if your former OB is trying to make sure you aren't doing HB, and making sure your DH wont agree with HB by talking to him. I would tell him, "you know, you dont have to call every day. I'm fine, the birth will be fine and I'm an adult, I can handle this. (and if you're really close to this OB(you see him out of the office, as friends) then call him after the birth to tell him that you are fine, because everything is going to be perfect, i know it! .)

[sharr610]

Has he expressed what it is exactly that he's so afraid of? Is it just the general "VBACs are scary" thing? Is there anything in your history that makes you particularly at risk for a VBAC?

[RheaSilva]

OBs have pretty busy, harried lives so the fact that he is making such an effort to stay in touch with you is pretty wonderful. We decry the demise of the friendly family doc who makes housecalls and it sounds like this fellow is a throwback to those days when docs took a personal interest in their patients.

Blessedwithboys, of course,you were joking around with your "change the number" comment but, amazingly, there are people out there who would actually do that! Remember all, just because someone is not a midwife, it does not make him/her an uncaring robot propped up by the insurance industry and Big Pharma

[RedPony]

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

change your phone number

any other comments i have would be a major UAV

It didn't sound like a joke to me, and I'd probably seriously consider changing my number, too.

[nanasmom]

I appreciate all your responses. Thank You.

I am due in about 6 weeks. He actually did try DH today but DH was in a meeting. I told DH to tell him that we have not even had a chance to discuss it yet and we will be talking over the weekend and we will call him next week sometime.

Sharr610, he stated that the risk for rupture is so small but that it can be catastrophic and just in case I need an emergency c-section, I should be in a hospital. He also mentioned being able to monitor uterine pressure in the hospital and that if the baby doesn't descend (which was the reason for my c-section) there is more pressure on the uterus. DD was big 8 pounds 14 oz and I have no doubt this baby will be big as well. Aside from that and slightly increased levels of amniotic fluid (had with my first as well) there is nothing out of the ordinary about my pregnancy.

RheaSilva, THANK YOU! This is what I have been telling my family members who are very pro-midwife and anti-ob. He is very compassionate and is really only doing this because in his opinion this is very risky.

[mollikins]

My BIL is an OB (one of the good ones). I know he personally opposes VBAC anywhere but in a hospital out of concern for the wellbeing of women and babies. (he does support home births in low-risk pregnancies). He spends a lot of time counseling women about the risks of ERCS vs VBAC, and always leaves the decision up to them.

Yes, in a 'normal' VBAC, complications are very rare - but when they do arise they require emergent care, in a hospital, to save the life of mom and/or baby. If you are aware of that risk and ok with it, then it is your decision and you should simply ask your OB to respect that. If he keeps calling, keep repeating your mantra 'I'm aware of the risks, I thank you for your concern, but please stop calling.'

[rlmueller]

2 issues

Phone harrassment

Sharing of medical information HIPAA

Insist he know longer call--period

[MamaMelis]

Originally Posted by rlmueller

Phone harrassment

Sharing of medical information HIPAA

Insist he know longer call--period

Unless I read it wrong, she gave the Dr permission to call her DH, so I don't see how that would be either phone harrassment or a HIPAA violation.

OP: I had a hospital VBAC last time and am due in may and planning a HBAC. My choices are strongly my own, as yours have to be. While it is one thing to take your OB's advise into consideration, at the end of the day it is going to come down to your personal convictions and what you feel is right FOR YOU and for your husband/child./unborn child.

If your mind is made up, ask the OB kindly to stop calling immediately. If your mind is not made up, continue to talk to him.

EIther way, best of luck to you!

[blessedwithboys]

Originally Posted by RheaSilva

Blessedwithboys, of course,you were joking around with your "change the number" comment but, amazingly, there are people out there who would actually do that!

i was not joking

[nanasmom]

Originally Posted by MamaMelis

Unless I read it wrong, she gave the Dr permission to call her DH, so I don't see how that would be either phone harrassment or a HIPAA violation.

Thank you for clarifying. I did give him permission now as well as earlier in my pregnancy when my husband was concerned about how I was feeling and I felt no need to bother the Dr. DH called the office - they simply would not talk to him at all until I called and gave permission for the doctor to speak with him regarding me.

I am not looking to point my finger at him for HIPPA violations, harassment, or anything of that sort. As I said, we respect him tremendously and he has gone out of his way to speak with us on numerous occasions to speak with us during this pregnancy and even during my previous pregnancy when my OB at the the time was insisting on a c-section and someone recommended we call him to get his opinion.

[Friday13th]

Are you in some way related to this OB? I can't even imagine a busy doctor taking so much time to harass a former patient who has made her preferences known and switched out of his care. I would leave him a strongly worded voicemail explaining you have have made a well researched decision that you are completely comfortable with and you and your DH will no longer be taking calls from him. And then I would stop answering the phone.

That's insane. I would flip out if someone was calling me 6 weeks before I was due to harass me and my husband about our decision. If he kept it up, I might very well change my number, it is such a violation of privacy.

[prancie]

Just call and revoke your permission for him to discuss your medical details with your DH. Send him a certified letter with delivery notification to back up your request. I assume you are no longer in his care, since you have switched to a midwife, so he no longer has any business inquiring about your medical choices anyways. I know that you like this guy, but he is stepping WAY over the line into the realm of creepy. That is a huge red flag in my book. Find another OB to be your back-up if you need one.

[Belle]

Originally Posted by nanasmom

As I said, we respect him tremendously and he has gone out of his way to speak with us on numerous occasions to speak with us during this pregnancy and even during my previous pregnancy when my OB at the the time was insisting on a c-section and someone recommended we call him to get his opinion.

He may be a very nice doctor and may be genuinely concerned about you. But he is not respecting you. It is not appropriate for him to be calling you daily to talk you out of your birth choices. Nor is it appropriate to even ask to call your dh to get him to talk you out of your birth choices. Your dh does not have authority over you and talking to your dh as if he were your parent is insulting to say the least. If you want to continue to have a future patient doctor relationship with this doctor ask him nicely to stop calling you. Any further calls are harrassment. Nothing less.

Originally Posted by prancie

I know that you like this guy, but he is stepping WAY over the line into the realm of creepy.

I don't know this doctor the way you do, but the description of it just makes my hair stand on end. Its really creepy for him to continualy harrass you and your dh.

[AustinMom]

If it's really about "can you handle the pain" being his main concern, you can always go to hospital and get an epi. i'm sure this won't be the case because there are plenty of non medical things you can do to ease the pain, and midwives typically find what is best for you.

[GOPLawyer]

I agree w/ Belle....he may be concerned but he does not respect you or your absolute right to make your own decision. Asking to speak w/ your DH is waaaaay out of line. Calling you every day *is* harassment.

"Thank you for your concern but please stop calling both my husband and me."

Simple and to the point.