my 14 month old won't eat

[Ciottina]

Hi everybody,
I am the mom of a 14 month old boy......a couple of months ago he started to eat table food, but the only thing he would eat (withought throwing in on the ground) is cheese, bread, all sort of fruit, peas and various snacks, like crackers, cherios ect. I am having the hardest time making him eat even pasta or meats, so I still give him baby food, to make sure he eats his vegetables and meats.......but I am desperate, because sometimes I wonder if I still give him baby food will he ever learn how to eat? At the same time I think he's too young just to let him starve (so that he will eat later)
He obviously seems to know what he's doing, I saw he liked toasteed bread, so I thought I could sneak in there some omelette with melted cheese on top, well he put the bite in his mouth , ate the bread, spit up the egg........the biggest trouble I'm having is in daycare, he won't eat no breakfast, no lunch, the teachers don't know what to do either, so they asked me to bring some food from home that he likes for sure (like yogurt, and some babyfood).......I don't know what to do anymore.....of course the pediatrician say not to worry........but should I really just let things flow and wait he learns without doing anything? He won't even eat macaroni and cheese!!!!!!! Help...

[sahmmie]

I fed my middle child baby food until she was 18 months old for the very same reason. She was picky, picky, picky. I got lots of advice about how it was not a good idea, that she'd never learn to eat "real" food, etc. but my rationale was that:

1. giving her baby food was no different than giving the rest of my family pureed vegetables (like squash, mashed potatoes, creamed corn, tomato soup etc.) and,

2. giving her baby food vegetables and fruits would allow her to continue experiencing the way fruits and veggies "taste" even if the texture wasn't there.

I continued to offer her everything the rest of us were eating at every meal time and with time she began to eat and like just about everything her big sister was eating. By age 2 she was a good eater and by 3 she was eating almost every thing I'd like her to be eating. So, it all worked out with her.

My son was even pickier and he had the added difficulty of being a reflux baby with a strong gag reflex. The kid couldn't even eat a cheerio at 13 months of age. He had a feeding aversion as well, which I won't get into because it's not relevant except to illustrate how bad things were. I felt I had no choice but to feed him the few baby foods he would eat because he would have starved, between the aversion, the gag reflex, and the pure refusal to try anything new. So I began pureeing my own baby foods for him so that I could maximize his intake of what I considered the healthiest foods; broccoli, spinach, sweet potatoes, carrots. He also ate peas, squash and any pureed fruit. I continued to offer him whatever we were eating but also fed him the baby food and eventually he too began to eat what the rest of us were eating. It was a much longer road for him but in the end I think I did the right thing. He ate pureed foods or store bought baby food until he was 3! And to this day (he's 4 now) he still loves the baby food bananas, pears, carrots, and squash. He'll still eat my pureed broccoli if I choose to make it for him, BUT he also eats "real" steamed veggies, some raw veggies (carrots, onions, spinach) most fruits, berries, meats, pastas, rice, etc., etc. He's still the pickier of my three children, but he eats just fine and gets plenty of variety.

Believe me I got plenty of advice and astonished looks and comments but I felt I was doing the right thing and it turned out fine for him as well. The best advice I can give you is something I learned when trying to figure this all out. Most experts on childhood nutrition and eating will tell you that it takes many, many exposures to a new food, or a food initially refused, for a child to learn to except it. Also, a child learns to accept food first via other senses before taste. For example, they explore the new food by touching and feeling it. They learn how it smells. They may lick it and get a taste but not be ready to accept the texture right away. Eventually the food will be familiar enough to them that they will taste it and if it is continually offered the will learn to like it. Our palates are trained by what is available and offered on a regular basis. So, the point of all this rambling is that you should continue to offer foods he doesn't like and new foods over and over again and don't assume because he hates something one day that he'll never eat it. Take it from me, my kid hated everything! And now he's a very good eater!

[Ciottina]

Thank you Sammhie for your advice, I will definitely follow it, it's a bit frustrating, but that's what I thought I should be doing, I will still offer him our food and if he doesn't eat I will give him babyfood.
Being a mom for the first time has been a real adventure!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks again!

[sahmmie]

I had it so easy with my first. She was a "text book" baby, slept through the night, ate whatever I gave her, rarely cried.... I thought it was because I was a great mom! Boy did I find out that the kind of mom you are has little to do with it. My next two gave me a run for my money!

What are you going to do about daycare? I think if I was you I'd just pack what he likes and ask them to continue to casually offer whatever they are serving (as long as the meals are included anyway) with no pressure or coaxing. He may decide to try out what the other toddlers are eating one day and surprise all of you.

Good luck!

[Ciottina]

Hi Sammhie,
it's taken me a while to learn that it doesn't have to do with what kind of mom you are, and most of all to let things flow and give your baby a chance to learn and evolve himself......after 14 months I am now maybe starting to not get hurt or worry too much.......I found out that when you become a mom somehow you are also forced to face yourself as a person, as far as what are your limitations and your potentials too, I guess you learn with your baby...........anyway for daycare I got a doctor's note and have been taking in some yogurt and other staff he eats for sure at home. They will keep on serving to him their regular menu, but will now have a backup for those days where he totally refuses to eat ( almost every day ). But surprise surprise yesterday he totally refused the yogurt ...???.......but ate some diced carrots...........of course threw the macaroni and cheese on the ground.....hehehe.....hopefully like you said......one day he' ll surprise all of us!!!!...I can't wait for the day I will be able to cook a wonderful full meal for the whole family and he will eat every bite of it......for now seems like a dream....but we'll see........my husband doens't understand why I'm obsessed with this eating issue!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks again!