1 year old having tantrums - help!

[Everrgreen]

My DS just turned 1 and in the last coulple of weeks I've noticed he is starting to have what I call 'tantrums'. If he wants something but can't reach it (or can't have it), or if something he wants is stuck and he can't move it, or if I'm getting dinner ready but it's not ready to eat yet, etc etc, he will FLIP out. He screams so loudly and just glares at me as if to say 'fix this now'. So basically all I have been doing is 'fixing it' (giving him what it is he's after - unless it's something he can't have), but am I teaching him that screaming will get him what he wants? Or is he too young to be concerned about that? What else can I do? I read somewhere about teaching him to sign 'please' instead of screaming, but I have no idea how to go about that (I move his hand in the motion and say 'please' and demonstrate the motion myself, then I give him what he wants, and often he is still screaming, so...)

Advice anyone???

[prothyraia]

He's asking to get his needs met in one of the only ways he knows how. If it's something he can have, give it to him, and model a more appropriate way of asking for it. He'll get it eventually.

[daniturtle]

My daughter - who is now 15 months old - started having tantrums like this at about 11 months. I think it's normal part of development. I don't necessarily think you are teaching him to scream to get what he wants. They don't really know how to express themselves at this age, you know? They don't have words. And they have these new emotions and have to express them somehow.


Generally speaking, I verbally acknowledge that she is frustrated and then sit quietly with her. For awhile she would bite me (or her dad) in annoyance and frustration. I also say things like, "You don't want to put your jacket on. I can see and hear that. It's cold outside so I have to wear my jacket and so do you. Do you want to put your jacket on now or after we put the dogs in their crates and you give them a treat." She doesn't quite know what this means yet but it's setting a pattern up for later toddlerhood and beyond. If it's something she just can't have or can't do (like pulling the cat's tail), then I just let her be frustrated, redirect her in how to pet the cat, possibly distract her.

I won't tell you that this is a magic bullet and that my daughter doesn't have tantrums anymore cos that would be a lie. I don't think there is a magic bullet to get them to disappear. But I think that validating feelings can go a long way for healthy emotional development. Soon they will develop words and that will help them to communicate and maybe fewer tantrums. Maybe! In the meantime, hang in there.

Oh, and we don't do a lot of sign language but from what we've done, you should do the sign, while maintaining eye contact and verbalizing. Do it over and over under the various different circumstances. Usually they catch on fairly quickly at this age.