Not ttc but not avoiding either

[GeoMomma]

Wasn't sure where to post this, family planning or ttc forum. Anyway, I was just wondering if there is anyone else "just letting nature take its course".

I quit taking my pill last month to give my body a break from unnatural hormones. I am only using a calender method so that I will know if I miss af.

I am not opposed to getting pregnant but I am not concerned if I don't conceive either.

My DP couldn't make up his mind about when/if he wants a baby. I already have 4 children from a previous relationship. He knows I quit the pill and he doesn't take any precautions. He makes positive comments about the possibility of an accidental pregnancy.

I would love to hear from others about how nature is taking its course with them. Along with any other comments to share.

[MaryLang]

We are in the same spot right now.
We have been using NFP to avoid after the last couple kids, and when we feel comfortable with the idea of another joining us, we just stop avoiding.
I know it would be handy to have some sort of chart going still, to date a possible pregnancy, but I'm just not that into it right now.
We have had our fair share of "TTC" for 3 years before we got pregnant with #1, and I just don't want to go through that stress ever again.
We have always been happy to have even just one, and now after four, we are happier still, but don't want to really "try" for more.
And have decided not to be "planners" as our plans in that department don't usually work out the way we expect, God is doing the planning at this point.
We chart now for the first year (to avoid, I get my cycles back really early), and it just feels more "natural" that way, as natural child spacing usually allows for a few years between kids. And now we're like... whatever

[lovebeingamomma]

All I have to say if that's the type of birth control the Duggar's use, lol.

[MaryLang]

I think it is very normal for some women (and men) to come to a point in their lives where they are happy with the number of children they have, and while they may not be attempting to have more, it just doesn't feel necessary to actively avoid. That doesn't mean it never will. Who knows?
As for us, we are a couple who have desperately tried to have a baby, has a diagnosed fertility issue, and have also charted for years to avoid pregnancy over our ten year marriage and are just honestly at a point where we're open to whatever comes our way (or doesn't) for now .

[GeoMomma]

Ah, the Duggars, LOL! My children are all spaced at least 3 years apart. I have tried many types of birth control. At some point I will probably use it again. However for now it's time for a break. I have taken breaks before without conceiving and I have become pregnant while using bc (I missed some pills so it was my fault). I am thankful for MaryLang's posts. I am glad to not be the only one letting nature take it's course. The Duggars also are Christians and their faith influences their choices. My family is atheist so its nature for us not god's will. My body was experiencing all kinds of uncomfortable problems on the pill and my youngest is 3yrs so we are ok over here either way.

I admit I do get a little nervous around the time AF is to arrive each month

[springbride]

We tried that last September/October... our DD is 6 months old now.

[wholewheatchick]

This is me and DH! We have been married for 15 months now, and I have been off the Pill for 10 mos. now. My cycles are crazy irregular, and at first we were Charting to avoid, but we've decided to just "let go and let God." DH calls it the "eh" method of family planning. So we BD when we feel like it, not because it is prime baby making time. I do keep track of my fertility signs, but am going to stop actually charting after this cycle. I desperately do want a baby, and DH is ok with, but we figure the timing will never be perfect so we'll let a higher Being take care of that for us.

[GeoMomma]

I am glad to hear from others takin' it in stride

Every time I have tried to plan, it has never worked out! I TTC for 9 months once and ended up with an ectopic. As soon as we said forget it, now is not the time, I got pregnant! All my babies have been surprises. I just can't get them when I plan. I guess they decide when they want to come. Right now my cycles are wacky. I guess it's from coming off of bc. I am not even sure when to expect AF.

MaryLang and Whole wheatchick keep me posted!

[MarineWife]

That's what I'm doing. I have 3 boys. Conceiving #2 and 3 was very difficult. It took years and many losses. I feel like I'm done trying but I would still like to have more children if it happens. I chart because my cycles have been long and irregular and I like to know what to expect and when.

[To-Fu]

That's what we did with both pregnancies.

It was a lovely way to conceive our children (we aren't having any more).

[sarahn4639]

We are, we have a 4 yo and almost 2 yo. we know we want anothe child but we aren't feeling that *right now* aspect so I haven't gotten in to TTC mode. We are happy with what ever happens for the time being. I did have a miscarriage last cycle when I didn't think I'd ovulated at all so I am thinking of charting, but just so that I know what's going on rather than to time intercourse.

[GeoMomma]

I think I am going to have to leave this thread and go over to the charting to avoid group. It looks like I got a new job and with trying to finish up my grad degree, right now would not be a good time to conceive. Alas I will be checking in on you ladies. I really like the letting nature its course idea, oh well. Maybe I will be back soon.

[gagirl2008]

I always say I'm doing this but then I get a little nervous when O time comes and get really nervous when it comes time to start....and then a tiny bit upset when I do start. We tried for 2 years to conceive our first child and DH doesn't want to actively "try" again because it was so stressful.

[allisonrose]

gagirl - I'm in the same boat. My son took nearly 2.5 years to conceive and it was incredibly stressful.

Since hubby is feeling good about his job and we're getting the feeling that we're ready for another little one, we plan to stop preventing without really trying. Originally it was going to be next month but the other night I told hubby we ought to use a condom to be safe and he said he was okay with whatever happened. So it seems this month is a possibility. But I think we're going to avoid next month since I noticed that would land us into the Christmas timeframe....

[ANaturalPush]

My DH and I are in the same boat; I hopped off the "Nuvaring" back in October - so, we're taking the approach that if it happens, it happens, if not - then no worries; because it gives me time to work my graduate degree. Of course, we'd be thrilled with having out first (especially since we're both in our early 20's). We'll see what happens, no stress, no pressure - just at our own pace.

[wholewheatchick]

I have had A LOT of trouble with my cycles for the past 3 years, and this past one was finally picture-perfect for me. I O'd on CD 21, had a 12 or 13 day LP (12 days of elevated temp, but AF didn't show till 14 DPO). Perfect. And we DTD 4 and 2 days before I O'd, and the day I O'd, and nada.

And I'm relieved and sad all at the same time. DH is mostly relieved. I'm not even 23, he's 23, and although we've been married almost 18 mos., and his job is so stable and our income is fantastic...he really doesn't feel "ready." And I only feel totally "yes, I want a baby now!" like 50% of the time.

So we're trying to decide whether or not to continue to "whatever" or to more actively TTA.

I want to just let God be in control about this (or whatever name I feel like using for God lol) but it freaks me out a bit, too...

Any thoughts?

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by wholewheatchick

I have had A LOT of trouble with my cycles for the past 3 years, and this past one was finally picture-perfect for me. I O'd on CD 21, had a 12 or 13 day LP (12 days of elevated temp, but AF didn't show till 14 DPO). Perfect. And we DTD 4 and 2 days before I O'd, and the day I O'd, and nada.

And I'm relieved and sad all at the same time. DH is mostly relieved. I'm not even 23, he's 23, and although we've been married almost 18 mos., and his job is so stable and our income is fantastic...he really doesn't feel "ready." And I only feel totally "yes, I want a baby now!" like 50% of the time.

So we're trying to decide whether or not to continue to "whatever" or to more actively TTA.

I want to just let God be in control about this (or whatever name I feel like using for God lol) but it freaks me out a bit, too...

Any thoughts?

Hey chickie. That's a can of worms, huh? I'm almost 40 with 3 kids and I can't decide what to do. I know I don't want to ever TTC again. It was so stressful and heartbreaking. OTOH, I'm getting to the age where getting pg isn't a given and I've had trouble in the past so...

My knee-jerk reaction is that you guys are so young. You have plenty of time to figure things out. I wasn't ready to have babies when I was in my early 20s even though I did have my first 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. I didn't have another for almost 13 years. I wasn't married, though.

I do think maybe you shouldn't go full steam into TTC if you aren't 100% sure you're both ready. I also don't think anyone should wait too long if they know they want children sometime. A big cause of infertility is women just waiting too long to try.

If you are open to having a baby now, maybe not trying but not preventing is the way to go. That way you won't stress about getting pg all the time but you won't feel like you spent too much time preventing if it takes a long time. Only you can know what's best for you and your family.

[Mother Cake]

I'm so glad to see a thread for this.

DH and I are planning to stop avoiding this spring, probably next month, but neither of us is inclined to stress out on really trying to conceive. I just can't imagine insisting on DTD on a particular schedule. It would be way too stressful for us. We'll just take it as it comes. We are ready, but it won't be a biggie if it takes us a few months to get pg.

[Smokering]

That's how DD was conceived, but I was clueless about conception/charting then. Now, knowing what I know, I don't think I could go back to the "eh" method (which is a great name!). I'm too paranoid. I think I'd always be hyper-aware of what could happen and what might happen, and end up permanently stressed and doing the two-week wait thing. I mean, you can't unlearn to notice fertile-quality cervical fluid, you know? I really admire women who have a let-go, whatever-happens attitude even while they know their fertility signs, but I think it'd turn me into a gibbering wreck.

[allisonrose]

wholewheatchick - I got married around a similar age - I was 22. If it were me, I'd try to breath and take a step back till you guys feel more ready (I didn't at your age). You guys do have the benefit of time on your side being young yet. You might think about going to talk to a doctor about your cycle issues to try to get those worked out.
Definitely don't sweat that the cycle didn't happen. Even with well timed sex and young parties involved, the chance of conception is around 20-30% (I think that's the statistic).


Smokering - You're not kidding. I'm already looking at a calendar and thinking, if AF doesn't show up by such-and-such date then I will test. But I'm hoping that the main thing I can let go of is worrying about when we have sex and how much in the fertile window.