Bedtime Troubles

[MummaLitt]

I don't know how much more of this i can take. Bedtime has become my least favorite time of the day. I end up screaming mad every night.

DS (2yo) won't go to bed any earlier then 11pm. Most nights, we go in and lay down with his DVD player and sippy cup and he spends 2hrs tossing, turning, hitting, kicking, bumping, headbutting etc. And because I'm the mom and he doesn't want Daddy at night, I get the brunt of the abuse. All I want is for him to lay still and fall asleep.

It doesn't matter what time he takes his nap either. If he takes an early nap at noon or takes a later nap at 3 and sleeps for 2-3hrs, it doesn't matter. He still won't go to bed until 11-12pm. I KNOW he's tired because he becomes a terror around 9, but he won't go down. If we don't let him watch Mickey, he screams for an hour until he finally passes out or I break and storm out of the room.

And we have to keep the light on until he falls asleep or he starts screaming. We've tried a nightlight, leaving the bathroom light on, leaving the closet light on and nothing works. It HAS to be the bedroom light.

I've tried to establish a "routine" of sorts but it's really hard cause WE (as adults) don't even have a routine.

When my mom was here, we tried closing the bedroom door and just letting him play in the bedroom until he was tired. But as soon as the door closed, he started SCREAMING. (Of course, by the end of her visit, i was in tears and she's telling me that "this isn't normal" which just made me feel like I had "broken" him all the more.)

I'm really worried about this 2hr time-zone shift we're about to do. Until his clock adjusts, he's going to be up until 2am! I'm anticipating a REALLY bad week or so when we first get there. And since we'll be staying with my aunt and uncle who haven't had toddlers in the house at night for a long time, i'm really concerned about disrupting their life more then us just being there is going to.

Any suggestions? Anyone wanna tell me that this is "normal" and just a phase that he'll grow out of soon? I really don't know how much more I can take. I'm so tired by 10 that the idea of spending 2hrs as a punching bag makes me want to lock myself in a closet.

ETA: I'm currently 16wks preg so I'm sure some of my problem is preg-hormones related.

[Maluhia]

At 2 DD started falling asleep with the lights on in her room and still does, and if she wants to play after we've put her to bed...cool, no need to close the door. The thing is she usually crawls into her bed and goes to sleep and we come as we go to bed to extricate the doll from her armpit and the truck from her toes and get the blankets up on her legs and to turn off the light. Does he stay in there and play quietly once you've put him "to bed"? If so....try my lacksadaysical parenting and see if it works for you

[MummaLitt]

Originally Posted by Maluhia

At 2 DD started falling asleep with the lights on in her room and still does, and if she wants to play after we've put her to bed...cool, no need to close the door. The thing is she usually crawls into her bed and goes to sleep and we come as we go to bed to extricate the doll from her armpit and the truck from her toes and get the blankets up on her legs and to turn off the light. Does he stay in there and play quietly once you've put him "to bed"? If so....try my lacksadaysical parenting and see if it works for you

If we put him to "bed" he immediately gets up and comes back out. He'll only stay there if I stay with him.

We tried getting rid of the DVD when my mom was here and that's when the hour long scream-fests started. Without the DVD, he just SCREAMS for the hour or 2. With the DVD, he is at least quiet and DH can fall asleep even if I can't. (That's a-whole-nother rant.)

I've known for a while that we need to stop the DVD time. But it was "easier" to let him fall asleep watching it then it was listening to him scream every night. (When I say "listening", I don't mean we lock him in the room while we're in the living room. The entire time he's screaming, I'm doing my best to calm/hold him.)

I searched the local library and found they had a digital version of Sleepless in America. It's a pain to read it on the pc, and once DH gets home I lose the pc for the night, but so far its seeming very helpful. I'd order a copy of Amazon but since we're leaving in a week, I'm afraid it wouldn't get here in time. As i'm reading, i keep thinking "She's got a hidden camera in my house and has been watching DS!" lol

I'm trying to think of a simple routine to start with. Something that will be easy to stick to since that's my biggest problem. I've been observing and thinking of how naptime usually goes down and have realized that almost every time (lately) he falls asleep while i'm kinda rocking/bouncing in the computer chair (we don't have a rocking chair so this is the closest I can get).

I think the biggest problem we're facing is that DH can't be in the house without the tv on. Even if he's not watching it, it's on. Earlier this week, he was on the computer with headphones on listening to music, yet the tv was on. I admit, I can be just as bad but i usually turn it on during the day to breakup the silence of being home alone with no adults to talk to.

I have been trying to get DS to take another nap this afternoon (his noon nap only lasted an hour, probably cause he was hungry). He wouldn't calm down, screeching, throwing things, jumping on the bed, wanting the light on, etc. I finally came out of the bedroom, turned off the tv and sat in the computer chair with him and he promptly fell asleep. I think i'm gonna try the chair again tonight.

[Maluhia]

Why do you feel that getting rid of the DVD is crucial? If it is something that calms your DH and yourself within your home, is the bedtime DVD causing trobules for your child or yourself?

[LadyCatherine185]

This may be stupid/simple but maybe your DS needs to drop his nap?

I think with the lights on/DVD it is probably making it too hard for him to fall asleep. Can you compromise with him with a night light or something? Or maybe leaving the light on in the hallway?

Sleepless in America is a great book. I hope you get some ideas!

[MummaLitt]

Ok, so last night actually went pretty well.

DH got home at about 7 and gave DS a bath while I finished making dinner. We all ate and then DS played for about an hour.

At 830, DS and I went in and brushed teeth. Laid on the bed and read several books. It was a bit frustrating but after he got out of bed and came out to the living room for the 5th time, I just stayed on the bed and closed my eyes. I noticed that it was really quiet in the other room, but since DH was out there I just relaxed on the bed.

At about 930, DH came walking into the bedroom, carrying a sleeping DS!

The entire time, the TV was OFF!

OMG, it was so nice to be able to sit on the couch and work on my cross-stitch without worry that DS's gonna mess with it. Its just nice to have quiet adult time for a change.

I think DH is understanding where I'm coming from. I told him some of what I read in the book and he actually might read Sleepless in America if we get the physical book. I'm feeling so much calmer tonight then I have in at least a week.

DS slept a solid 11 hours last night. Woke up smiling and didn't have one meltdown all morning!

I let him have some cartoon time this morning. And Daddy took him outside to play ball for a little while when I went to the store.

I could see he was getting tired cause he started tossing around his books so I turned off the tv and actually turned off the power strip so he couldn't just turn it back on. He had a mini fit - threw the remote on the floor - but stopped when he "broke" the remote (the back and batteries just popped off) and I told him the TV was broken. I suggested a book and he climbed up in my lap with his sippy and rather quickly fell asleep. He's been down now for about an hour.

Tonight will be interesting cause DH's working inventory so won't be home until at least midnight. I'm going to try to repeat what we did last night on my own and hope it works.