how do you deal with them living in a fantasy world for 99% of the day?

[snoopy5386]

DD will be 4 in April and is huge into pretend play, just huge. However, she wants myself and DH to be involved in this world with her 100% of the time which is just not possible. She spends 99% of her day pretending to be someone else, all her favorite things to play are pretend games - kitchen, restaurant, store, house, etc. She insists that other people acknowledge her as who she is pretending to be - her music class teacher, our preschool co-op teacher, friends, DH's coworkers, etc. And she takes it to the extreme - ie if she is pretending to be me, her favorite color becomes green (my fav) instead of pink (her fav). She also gets mad when other people try to talk to me as me and not some pretend character.
Her latest favorite game is she pretends to be me and I have to pretend to be her, which is both really cute and super annoying, especially when she insists she is me when I need to do dangerous/off limits stuff. The only time I get a break is when she is watching tv which of course leads to her watching too much tv. It is 3:30, I have tons to do and huge headache from pretending all day. I had to pretend to play house while I was going to the bathroom a little while ago.
I'm having a really hard time with getting her to understand sometimes Mommy can play pretend with you and sometimes she can't/doesn't want to. Anyone been down this road before and have any tips?
Thanks!

[hergrace]

I wish I had any advice for you other than to live through it. It took about 6 months before I was able to get DS1 to understand that sometimes I had to be me and that I couldn't always remember who he was.

[sunnmama]

Dd was like this.

I set some boundaries. I'll play along for a while, and then you are on your own. Yes, she got angry if I didn't play the game.....but she got over it. I told her I was done playing pretend, but I'd be happy to play a board game, or read to her. Or she could play pretend by herself, but I was going to do mommy things. We usually ended up reading together--often for hours a day--but it was MUCH more bearable to me than the all day pretend play.

Dd did better on her own if I played music, or had a book on cd on in the background. Maybe that would help? We definitely dealt with anger and tantrums regarding my refusal to play along, but that's ok imo. Even moms are allowed to have limits and boundaries.

[JayGee]

Both my DDs are really into pretending to be animals, including (inexplicably) wearing socks and shoes on their hands AND feet and having me walk to meet DS's bus with them on leashes. Finally, I got out one of the fairy magic wands we've got laying around and told them that I was going to do fairy magic. I waved the wand over them both and said, "Abracadabra, alacawhirl! Turn this kitty into a little girl!" It worked. They got off all fours, started talking instead of meowing at me, and took the darned socks off their hands ! Until the next time, of course. Now, when they are playing pretend and we need to go somewhere, I just wave my fairy wand, say my "spell", and they know it's time to go back to being "themselves". Worked for us. Might be worth a shot.

[meemee]

i have no wise words for you.

those are the challenges of being the mom of an only.

the only way i could manage that - handle it, and not all the time - was to live in the perspective that i know i am gettting an overwhelming load of it - but one day it will come to an end.

the way that worked for me was making a collage of dd from her younger years and realiseing how much she is changing and how time is flying.

so sometimes i was a bear (at least i wasnt pregnant) and sometimes i was able to handle it.

for me the key for being a good single mom of an only was to make sure i got to do my thing, take care of myself so i wouldnt feel so 'used' or frustrated.

[KathinJapan]

I found my DD1 got frustrated with me when I could not remember the *rules* or *roles* or whatever. It was generally not deliberate, but I just could not get 100% into the fantasy. I would do OK for a while, then I would loose the plot.

I think setting boundries is important.
Kathryn