How to best advocate for myself with worker?

[Armom]

I am doing straight adoption through my state. I have met with my worker 3 times to do my homestudy, the last time was the very end of Dec. At that point, I was supposed to call her in a week and half to check on where she was b/c she wasn't sure if she would need more info, etc. I called her and she said she needed more time. I understood b/c I thought she overestimated b/c of the holidays and that seemed like a pretty quick turnaround in any case. So we agreed I would call her in about 2 weeks. I do that and she still has not done it. Says she has been given something extra to do and she will call me when she need to talk to me again. Gives me no time frame. Reviews next steps of process with me.

I am feeling like I need to call again if I want this done, but at the same time I don't want to bug her b/c I live in a state where she will be representing me "against" other families/workers at committee...I need her to like me and not think I'm a pushy control freak. What should I do? I was thinking of calling in Feb and saying something like "hey its February....". but my friend thinks I should call the beginning of next week...

[Polliwog]

I'd wait. She's probably got a big caseload and ther other project is taking priority right now. Wait until the beginning of February and then check in with her.

[MissinNYC]

I think a month is pretty short to finish it, I know our HS was over 25 pages and our worker had many of them to do. I'd wait. But I know how hard this is!

[Armom]

Thanks. I will wait until Feb and then call. Any advice on what to say...really, if I thought it would get done without my calling, I would wait it out, but I don't feel that way. After I completed the classes, I got a letter that she would be contacting me to start the HS. I waited 2 weeks, heard nothing, so I called and left a message. Heard nothing (no return call for 2 weeks) when I called, got her, and we set up an appt. Also, it has been more than a month. The end of Dec was my *last* appt with her, but I had 2 other previous appts, my first of which was at the beg. of Dec. They are supposed to complete the HS within 3 mos of ending the classes, and I ended mid-Nov. That said, I am willing to consider the beg of Dec my starting point as that's when we started the HS (although in that 1st meeting she told me she thought I could have a pretty quick HS process and be done mid Jan)...

Anyway, if anyone has any advice on what to say in Feb, that would be great.

[Polliwog]

Don't forget that the holidays fell smack in the middle of your timeline. And generally, the time periods aren't written in stone. I wouldn't make a big deal when you call. You just want to make sure you are still on her radar.

[Armom]

Thanks this is helpful....so, if I can ask, what exactly would you recommend that I say when I call in Feb...so that I am on her radar, but not being too pushy/demanding?

[Polliwog]

I wouldn't make it a big deal. Just let her know that you are eager to get approved and aske what the next steps/revised timeline would be. I wouldn't do more than that. You

[Armom]

Thanks for the suggestions!

[Jenne]

Not only am I not a mama yet but I'm also not an adoptive mama but I saw your post and just wanted to butt in! I frequently for work have to call people who haven't returned my calls and haven't done what they said they would do. These are people who write checks to me so it is a very fine line between alienating them and paying my mortgage. With that said, I thought I might offer advice...I hope that's okay...what I find to be the most helpful is to side with the person, "I know you are just swamped!" or "I can imagine that you must be really busy." Then I ask my question, "I was wondering how X was going." Then I offer assistance and thanks, "I really appreciate your time and energy on this. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help."

This sort of 3 pronged approach really seems to work well for me. It seems like being really polite and earnest is refreshing to most people who are overworked and under stress. It is also a way for me to stay on their radar but for a good reason.

I wish you all the best with your homestudy and adoption(s)! What an exciting time building your family.

Best wishes,
Jenne

[Armom]

Thanks and good news!

Thanks for the great advice, Jenne! I'm glad you "butted" in! LOL!

Well the worker called me yesterday to set up a brief phone mtg for Thurs. I believe this is to ask me a few more questions, b/c that is what she said last time. I am so happy that I don't have to call her/bug her and even happier to know that she is on the ball and will get back to me without my constantly bugging her!

Now, I am stressing though b/c she said "this will be our last meeting". I am hoping/assuming she meant that last time we will meet to do the homestudy, b/c she told me previously that when she is done writing it up, I will get to see it and give her feedback, that I would start getting bulletins, and that once I am selected for committees we would be meetiing about that...so, just a little anxious here and hoping she meant this is the last time we would need to meet for her to finish writing the homestudy.

[Sierra]

I am sure it will be fine. I look forward to hearing all about it tomorrow! Thank goodness it will be Thursday .

[Armom]

Thanks, the phone call was fine. She just asked me a few questions about topics already discussed but that she thought she needed more info for the homestudy. She told me she thinks she will have it ready in 2 weeks...I am just happy that she does seem to be on top of things.