Overwhelmed and looking for a buddy

[audenough]

I've been overwhelmed by my son's extreme neediness since birth. He's recently been diagnosed with SPD and we are beginning our journey toward a healthier happier family. But I still feel so overwhelmed and depressed and alone so much of the time. I'm seeking another mother to get to know who would understand. I feel most of the time like it is futile to talk to others I know about my feelings because they just don't understand even if they mean well. I also feel guilty feeling so overwhelmed as I only have 1 child. I think I would do better if he slept better. Until the last month he only slept 30-90 minutes at a time for most of his life. The sleep deprivation has kept me at survival level, and then there he is every day needing me to make the world ok for him and most of the time I don't even know how.

Sorry for the disjointedness of this post, he's been up all night with a fever for a few days and I'm less coherent than normal.

Just looking for a friend.

Thanks.

[askew]

I think you will find a lot of mothers here who know what you are going through. There is even an SPD support thread in here somewhere. My DD has other issues, but I am always willing to listen.

[Stephenie]

Here's the SPD support thread.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1182349


Do I know you? I am 99.999% sure our SPD kids are getting together to play tomorrow (and if not, my friend is going through almost exactly the same thing!)

[momtoS]

HI there,
I have been through the no sleeping thing. YUP. And the depression and constant state of being overwhelmed....I could be a buddy if you want

[cchrissyy]

hello!
I could have written this a few years back , like when my boy was 18 months and got his first diagnosis (SPD). We were up 8x a night for sure, and that was as good as it had ever been!
how old is yours? things do smooth out. My boy is 7 now and we were nuts enough to even have 2 more.

[pixilixi]

Yes, do jump on the SPD thread, you will find other moms who are going through, or have gone through those same feelings you have. I know exactly what you mean - I feel crazy for being so overwhelmed with one child, when friends have already gone back for their 2nd or 3rd (ds is nearly 4).

I feel very isolated because much of the time I feel like I can't take him anywhere without being majorly stressed out making everything work for him. His behaviour is terrible and I feel like the worst parent ever for not 'fixing' him.

And sleep... well, lucky for us sleep did start improving just before the age of two (until then, he was waking 5 - 8 times a night) - and sometime after 3 he started to sleep all night some of the time. It really helps A LOT, so really give yourself a break if you are struggling with such interrupted sleep.

Feel free to pm me, and I'm sure you will find plenty of support here. We know how you feel!

[beachbaby]

audenough. Yes, please hop over to the SPD support thread--lots of us can relate. PM me if you'd like to chat.

[*LoveBugMama*]

Hi.

I think we live the same life.
MY son is turning 9 in 4 months, and he still needs me 24/7. He had some major sensoryissues when he was younger, but he has a little less problems with sensory now, luckily. But, he still needs me. All. the. time. (Other issues. No diagnoses (yet?), but he has strong Asperger`ish traits, according to my mom who works with people with autism and Asperger.)

I soo get you. My head feels like it is going to explode sometimes. And my body is SOOO touched out. LoveBug didn`t sleep more than 45 minutes at a time until he was well over 2 YO. Still to this day he has never slept thru the night.

Big, big hugs to you. This forum is amazing. Stay here!

[audenough]

Thank you to everyone who posted! I will jump over to the SPD thread and PM a few people too as I get the chance. I am very thankful to find people who understand the extreme sleep deprivation. I am living for the day when he wakes less than 10 times per night on a regular basis. Less than five sounds like heaven. And then the day he can put himself back to sleep when he wakes up - that must be some sort of dream. Thanks everyone.

[liqzierda]

My son has SPD and my daughter has a chronic GI condition that affected her sleep profoundly, so I feel your pain. My son is 4, not weaned and has un-night-weaned himself four times now. I am so exhausted that I capitulate way too easily.

It's very isolating being the mom of special needs kids. I have zero social life anymore, virtually no real life friends and my health has practically been destroyed over the last seven years from sleep deprivation and worry. My career is down the drain and the only thing I have to discuss with anyone is my kids' health.

[Purple Cat]

Audenough, Hugs. I cannot find the smiley.

Sleep deprivation is EVERYTHING. The babies' disregulated sleep is EVERYTHING, too, escalating upset and sensitiviity. I don't know how old your child is. I have twins with sensory issues. We have went through intense therapy for sensory issues for many years. It definitely has helped. Do they have sensory issues still? Yes. Some aspects have improved to the point they are absent. Other aspects still require on-going management. But, it's not the unmanagable nightmare it was.

PM if you wish, and really, just post your situation and I think you'll find many many people eager and willing to help and share their insights.

[Kuba'sMama]

Hi!
I just wanted to say it does get better! For some reason 4 was the toughest for us too (my SPD ds is 6.5 now). They do get in "sync" as they go on. My son has certain issues with certain situations, but who doesn't? After we figured out that it was SPD that my son had, we figured that my dh's been living with SPD his whole life. I'm sure the SPD thread would've been very useful to us 2.5 years ago, but things have so improved with ds that I haven't even had a need to visit it lately.
Hang in there!

[Lilypie32]

((hugs))

I know how you feel. Even my own family doesn't understand how different my son is. It is very difficult and depressing sometimes. I am visually impaired and grew up with a disability and you would think my own family would "get it" but they don't. I just get so tired and overwhelmed. I am a single mom with 1 child yet I feel like I have 10 kids. Please know you aren't alone.

[spring978]

Many ((hugs)) to you I so totally understand DS is 3.6 years and I am exsausted all the time.

[TzippityDoulah]

oh mama!! i have 3 kids - 2 have spd amongst other issues, i completely understand!!! (((hugs))) i feel like i dont remember what real sleep even feels like.. a distant memory!

i get so depressed to. so hard t be on your game when your so tired.

sory, naking...

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by liqzierda

It's very isolating being the mom of special needs kids. I have zero social life anymore, virtually no real life friends and my health has practically been destroyed over the last seven years from sleep deprivation and worry. My career is down the drain and the only thing I have to discuss with anyone is my kids' health.

you need hugs also lol.... i am so there with you on this one! i have no life and nobody but my husband understands. they alll somehow believe it must be something wrong we are doing to cause our kids to have so many problems if i didn;t love my children so much, i'd leave them wit those people for a week and see how much better they could manage. i bet they'd shut right up after that! i'd love to see them eat their words like that to be honest. the unkind and unfair remarks really hurt!

[*LoveBugMama*]

Audenough: I am so sorry! I JUST saw that you sent me a PM a while back. I don`t know how I missed it. I am in the middle of some pretty exhausting stuff right now, due to my sons issues, so I don`t have the energy to be online much. Just wanted to tell you that I had finally seen your message.

[earthmama369]

I've been there, am there, will be there for the foreseeable future. My youngest was diagnosed with SPD a few months ago and was up crying more than 10 times last night. I don't remember what a good night's sleep feels like.

But there is hope. He's getting better now that we've started OT, and I have a feeling once he can read, he can wake up at night and entertain himself with a flashlight and a book until he falls asleep again, just like dh and I did when we were kids.