Adoption and nomadic living?

[Funny Face]

Dh and I are talking about living in an RV and traveling the country as a family when he finishes college but before we buy a home. This would be in about 2 years or so- right around the time that we would likely be ready to begin the adoption process (other than research, of course).

Do you have to be stationary throughout the entire process, do you think?

I know we have to be able to do the homestudy and I know that for international adoption (we don't know yet whether it will be domestic/international) they have income requirements but I'm wondering if not having a house will be a major hurdle.

Or even if we could leave for the road soon after the adoption (because of post adoption visits, etc).

Anyone know? Anyone have thoughts or personal experience to share?

Thanks so much.

[Polliwog]

I think that not having a house (or an apartment) would be a huge hurdle. Adopted kids need stability and I would think that would be really difficult moving around all the time. And where would the social worker do the homestudy?

[Mamacitac]

I'm sitting on a polliwog's bench!

I would LOVE to live in a RV..once my kids are grown. I know people who do it with kids, but it's just not for ME. But people who can pull it off amaze me! It looks great.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by Polliwog

I think that not having a house (or an apartment) would be a huge hurdle. Adopted kids need stability and I would think that would be really difficult moving around all the time. And where would the social worker do the homestudy?

The homestudy isn't a one-time visit, it's multiple visits... plus you will likely have some kind of training to do that is connected/acceptable to the people doing your homestudy. In addition to the stability factor.

FWIW, not all adopted kids have post-adoption visits. I adopted my daughter through the state and we don't have them. To my knowledge, int'l adoptions don't have them and not all domestic do (although it's very common). I would worry way less about that than getting licensed.

The other thing is, I'm pretty sure it's Federal law that has the 6-month live-in requirement before finalization (I might be wrong, but if it's a state thing, then most states have it). During that time, a worker visits you once/month to check on your bonding and the child's well-being. This all has to be done by the same set of people. So there's that, too.

[queenjane]

Here, to adopt through the state, you have to have 40 sq ft of bedroom space per person...that might be kinda hard in an RV.

[mran]

adopt first, get settled and THEN do the RV thing.

For the homestudy, you'll want to appear as "normal" as possible. Real house, enough space, etc. Get your placements, settle in, get to know eachother, finalize adoptions, and then work towards your RV.

I don't think you need a brick and morter house for stability, but you do need to have a plan - and also, understand that even normal, healthy foster children may have special needs, and you'll need to account for dr appts, therapy visits, etc. It might be hard to keep up w/ those things on the road. My "typical" foster child has NINETEEN medical and therapy appointments each and every month - not including family visits and such. We could never RV with him at this point, it's hard enough to vacation.

[Funny Face]

Thank you.

I definitely want our child to have stability.

I was more thinking 'What if we were still traveling while we began the process?' (but had a home, etc once we had a referral) or 'What if we began traveling as soon as everyone was settled after the adoption?' (depending of course on how well our transition face was going and the child's well being, of course).

It's not very realistic though, I guess.


Thank you for your thoughts!

[mcgee]

Post-placement visits for international adoption depend on the country program. I don't know of any IA program that does NOT require post-placement visits of some kind.

[junipermoon]

my oldest (foster to adopt) has/had reactive attachment disorder, and was all about traveling when he was young. idolized some friends who lived in a van w/their kid--loved the whole thing. always asked if we could do that, get a van and hit the road.

by younger (foster to adopt) kid would have been traumatized, though. he liked all things even. insecure attachment.

interesting to note that my oldest now dreads any mention of a move--has "healed" from the RAD in some ways--wouldn't be diagnosed with this anymore--presents with anxious/insecure attachment these days. things change. we moved recently and he said he felt like he was still in foster care, bouncing...

i think it depends on your kid and where they are in their process.

incidentally, i think travelling could be a great GREAT way to bond with an RAD diagnosed kid. b/c the bond with you would become less avoidable--all penned up close to each other. actually, it was when we were in India travelling that my oldest started to really bond with me--5 years after he cdame home. he was ten.

[Funny Face]

Originally Posted by junipermoon

my oldest (foster to adopt) has/had reactive attachment disorder, and was all about traveling when he was young. idolized some friends who lived in a van w/their kid--loved the whole thing. always asked if we could do that, get a van and hit the road.

by younger (foster to adopt) kid would have been traumatized, though. he liked all things even. insecure attachment.

interesting to note that my oldest now dreads any mention of a move--has "healed" from the RAD in some ways--wouldn't be diagnosed with this anymore--presents with anxious/insecure attachment these days. things change. we moved recently and he said he felt like he was still in foster care, bouncing...

i think it depends on your kid and where they are in their process.

incidentally, i think travelling could be a great GREAT way to bond with an RAD diagnosed kid. b/c the bond with you would become less avoidable--all penned up close to each other. actually, it was when we were in India travelling that my oldest started to really bond with me--5 years after he cdame home. he was ten.

Thank you for that insight.

[tiffani]

Originally Posted by mcgee

Post-placement visits for international adoption depend on the country program. I don't know of any IA program that does NOT require post-placement visits of some kind.

ours does not require any post-placement visits, but we do have to finalize in the US, so that will require visits anyway. We will be sending reports to their orphanage and to the judges if they'll take them, just so they can see this is a good thing for children with no hopes of finding a family locally.

Originally Posted by junipermoon

incidentally, i think travelling could be a great GREAT way to bond with an RAD diagnosed kid.

I think traveling is a great way to bond with anyone, though this would depend largely on the kid and how easy-going a traveler you are. If it's stressful, that wouldn't be good, but if you handle hurdles with a smile, then the comraderie that develops on the road is great for families of all kinds. I want to do this someday too...

but...

no, you couldn't really START the adoption process while on the road. every time you move you have to do an update to your study, so find the home you want to bring your kids home to (either rented or owned, doesn't matter) and stay there for the duration if you can. You could buy a home, bring your kid/s home to it, and then rent it out while you travel if that works for you financially. Or sell it and then travel, or rent until you have kids home and settled, travel, then buy a house... lots of options, and you'll probably just have to roll with whatever comes your way -- best laid plans and all that.

[RedOakMomma]

I wouldn't give up on this entirely, though you might have to make some modifications. For example, if you owned a home...you could have the homestudy there when you applied to a program, then perhaps rent it out while you went RVing? Once your child was ready to come home, or you were matched, you could come home and spend the time necessary at home.

Depending on the program you choose, sometimes it's relatively predictable how long it will take (meaning you could know to within 6 months or so when you'd need to be home...though adoption timelines are notoriously off, usually longer than you expect). Some countries, China for instance, has a 5-7+ year waiting period right now. Korea is usually a year+. Other countries you'd have to look into.

It's very possible that an adoption agency, if you approached it the right way, would feel comfortable with you getting the homestudy done, then taking a prolonged vacation before the baby was ready to come home. As long as you were able to come home to the same house that was homestudied, and have the placement of the child be there, I don't really think it matters what you do while you WAIT.

...And yes, most of the countries we looked into for intl' adoption required post-placement visits for several months post-placement.

Good luck! Hope you have fun!

[mamarhu]

Well, this is a subject to which I have given a lot of thought. That doesn't mean I have any answers! And even if I did, they would only be for my family of course.

The 1st 5 years of ElderSon's life (he's 28 now), we lived on a sailboat in the Caribbean and South America. My next 2 kids were born in the US, but we lived in Central America until they were 4 & 5 maybe. We also spent 2 years traveling in a converted '57 Greyhound bus. They are 14 & 13 now. Clearly, I am geographically flexible, no?

My 2 foster kids, soon to be adopted, are now 7 & 9. I had thought I might take them to China for a year or 2 (teaching English), maybe when my now-teens are grown - 5 years from now, they will be 12 & 14. I really don't know if that will ever be a good option for these guys. One part of me wants to get them out of the mainstream US culture desperately. The other wonders if that wouldn't put them over the edge. Because of their history (severe neglect and abuse), they really don't have the confidence and trust in the world that my bio-kids do. They thrive on the structure of public school, unlike the unschooling rest of the family.

This decision is 100% based on my individual kids - I really have tried to talk myself into traveling with the little ones. But I don't think it will ever be the best decision for either of them.

My advice is to consider how resentful you would feel if the "best interest of the children" kept you from following your dream, whether for 20 years, or forever. I have wistful moments, but no regrets (I will be pretty old by the time my youngest are grown). If it is a serious stumbling block, perhaps you could travel now, and look into adoption in 5 or 10 years. Age won't really be a problem, and by then perhaps you will be able to settle, at least until you get to know your child.

I wish you all the best. And I am a little bit jealous!

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by mcgee

Post-placement visits for international adoption depend on the country program. I don't know of any IA program that does NOT require post-placement visits of some kind.

Post-PLACEMENT, not post-ADOPTION--right? Because post-placement visits are what I referred to in my earlier response about the in-home period before finalization. I may have took the OP's concerns wrong, but I thought she was concerned about post-ADOPTION/finalization visits--much like those with an open adoption.

[MoonStarFalling]

We've chosen to travel and then do the adoption thing. I guess it's possible you could live in your RV full time in one place while you adopted. I don't think they would like your housing choice though. We only have 272 square feet of space for the 4 of us.

I'm not keen on adopting and then taking off soon after. RVing and traveling full time is like putting your life into a blender. It feels very disorienting at first. It took my 2 year old a while to get used to.

[Funny Face]

Originally Posted by heatherdeg

Post-PLACEMENT, not post-ADOPTION--right? Because post-placement visits are what I referred to in my earlier response about the in-home period before finalization. I may have took the OP's concerns wrong, but I thought she was concerned about post-ADOPTION/finalization visits--much like those with an open adoption.

I'm not entirely clear on the difference. I know that with adoptions there are continued checks on the child after they have come home to live with you- domestic and some foreign countries. This is what I was referring to.

Open adoption type visits aren't a concern, most likely, since we won't be adopting a baby and few adoptions of this kind are open adoptions, no?

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by Funny Face

I'm not entirely clear on the difference.

Placement is when the child is put in your home pending adoption. There is usually a mandatory "live-in" period before the adoption is final to ensure that you/your family bond with the child and vice-versa. So "post-placement" is the time from when the child is placed in your home until the adoption if finalized and they are legally your child.

Once the adoption is finalized, it's "post-adoption"--after the adoption.

[crl]

Many international programs have post-adoption report requirements. Of course, if the adoption is final in the other country (as it is in China), there's not a lot they can do to "enforce" this as I understand it. But the penalty is that your agency gets dinged and can eventually lose its ability to place if people don't cooperate with post-adoption reports.

Domestic adoptions can have post-placement, pre-adoption reports required. CA does this for domestic infant adoptions. I don't know about other states.

Catherine

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by Funny Face

Open adoption type visits aren't a concern, most likely, since we won't be adopting a baby and few adoptions of this kind are open adoptions, no?

More than you'd think. Some degree of openness in older child/foster care adoptions, while maybe not necessarily the "norm" isnt unheard of. I was more than willing to have contact with my son's birthfamily but they seem uninterested. Im not sure how much i should "push" it. And if i am able to adopt my foster son (and hopefully his sister), I absolutely will continue to have SOME level of contact with his mother (and probably his father as well, although he and i havent come anywhere close to discussing this as his mother and i have)...whether that ends up being mostly pictures/letters/updates or actual in person visits i dont know. And in some states (such as Oregon), "mediated agreements" in which the birthparents agree to give up their rights in exchange for some level of contact (again, could be updates once a year or could be visits, just depends) isnt at all unheard of.

Thats not to say that one couldnt decide to travel around the country or the world just because one has an open adoption with a child's birthfamily, of course.

[Polliwog]

I wouldn't count on being able to travel constantly after adopting. If it works for the specific child, great, but I would get as much wanderlust out of your system before starting the process. That way you won't grow to resent the child for stiffling your plans and you still get to have the experience. There's no way of knowing ahead of time what would be best for a grieving and/or traumatized child.