PLEASE HELP! 2.5 yo DS hysteric at night!

[AJ's mommy]

DS is now 31 months and for the last month or so has been waking up every night. He has been sleeping in his toddler bed since last September and he loves it... Well maybe not anymore! I nursed him to sleep until he was 25 months then I would rocked him to sleep... We stil do! It normally only takes 10 minutes for his naps and 15-30 minutes for the night. Plus he sleeps with the sounds of waves since he was born pretty much and now it hides the noises from when DS2 wakes up. My mom has been with us for the last 3 months helping out (DS2 is 3 months old). She is leaving in a month. She has been the one putting him to bed since most of the time I'm nursing DS2 while it's time for bed. Like I said until about a month ago all was great! Now he wakes up and most of the times calls her name and goes to her room to wake her up... She would go back to his room and sing a song and rock him. So that was ok I thought nothing of it really, it's just a phase! I would not even get out of bed my mom would take care of him. But now I'm getting scared!

Like earlier tonight I was downstairs nursing and I heard him walk and calling my mom to come and turn off the waves (that's what he does in the morning when he wakes up) but he came downstairs looking for her instead of going to her room. So, when he saw me he asked me the same thing and I asked if anything was wrong (he looked a bit lost and whiny). He said his belly was hurting! So I asked if he needed to use the bathroom and he said no. Then ask me to come upstairs with him so I did with the baby. My mom was up, so I said ok mommy will see you in the morning... And he stated to freak out... I put the baby on DS1's bed and started to try talking to DS1... He wanted ME to put him back to bed... I tried explaining I coulnt since I needed to nurse his brother! I tried for 30 minutes to talk to him, make plans for the morning with him, tell him that gramma would soon not be able to rock him anymore that she sings better than mommy... I tried it all! But by then he wasn't hearing me he was furious, hysteric... Jumping up and down, closing his fists in anger, scream... Then he went towards my mom but kind of changed his mind but my mom picked him up but he started yelling like the devil was inside of him... I grab the baby and left (my mom said go I'll take care of him!!!) I started crying going down the stairs I was so frustrated to have to pick between my sons and not be able to comfort my oldest!!! But this is just one night...

I understand that he wanted me but my concern is the way he reacts and why he wakes up! There is always something that comes up while he's up that makes him go over the edge. And yes of course he is really tired and we can't really talk to him and negociate, but doesn't the screaming, yelling, anger, frustration sound normal to you? And why the waking up? Does he really have belly aches? DH doesn't think so... I don't know! He seems quite ok during the days, he is not constipated... He has a really good diet (no sugar, eats well, has a good appetite, only drinks water and lots of it,...) Does he react like that cause he doesn't have want he wants? Is it nightmares? How do you find out if it's nightmares??? He is a really sensitive boy and quite stubborn (the apple doesn't fall far from the trees!), and he does have trantrums during the days, but I most of the time can talk to him and make it better. I do try to spend time just with him... He seems to take his brither's arrival quite well. He loved him... Gramma is always there with him, taking care of him when I'm busy! I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!! Please give me your thoughts, inputs, advices... I thank you all and I'll go back to bed now as the screaming has stopped upstairs! I just wish I could find out for sure that nothing is wrong with him! Sorry if I made mistakes or I'm a bit confused in my thoughts... It's 4am here!

[bscal]

My oldest was 2 1/2 when my younger dd was born. IMO, it sounds like your son wants some Mommy attention. While your mom is here take advantage of that time and leave the baby with her so you and your son can have some quality time. Some things I did for outings with my DD:
- Walk around the pet store and look at all the animals.
- Post office - she loved putting letters in the mail slot.
- Grocery store - at her pace... we'd walk around and look at all the interesting fruits, talk about colors, count out 5 apples, etc. (Not a huge shopping trip, just a leisurely walk to pick up a couple of things.)
- Park, weather permitting.
- Toy store - pick out some new books, puzzles, coloring books/crayons - things to keep him busy while you're nursing.
- Walk around your neighborhood... just getting out of the house, even if it's cold, is a nice change of pace.

Those are just a few examples. The big thing is, your son is having a hard time sleeping/returning to sleep because he wants Mommy time. Telling him the baby needs x, y, or z is not going to work.

Perhaps a rearrangement of your schedule might work also... move your toddler's bedtime a bit so you can nurse the baby after you put your son to bed. This way you're meeting the needs of both your boys. I used to have my DH get my older DD ready for bed - bath, diaper change, jammies, teeth brushed - and then I'd read her 2 stories while DH played with the baby. He did most of the bedtime routine but she still got quality time with Mommy before bed.

HTH,
Beth

[beebalmmama]

It sounds pretty normal to me. I agree with the pp that he is probably wanting a little extra time with you. But I also think that he's at an age where night waking and nightmares can be normal. Between about 2.5 and 3 my ds was waking and "seemed" awake but would scream and cry. We laid down or sat with ds when he fell asleep until he was almost 4. I really don't think anything is "wrong" with your ds, developmentally I think everything you mentioned is pretty normal.

You said your mother is leaving in another month and so it would probably be a good idea to start the transition now. Have you been thinking about how you will get the two to bed without her. Can your dh step in with the night time routine so you can continue to nurse the baby down? Maybe you could also spend a little more time with ds 1 or consider nursing the baby in his room at night while ds 1 fell asleep.

[AJ's mommy]

Thanks for your thoughts. I do spend "mommy time" with DS1 every day. I do need to transition now... I think about how I will get the two of them to bed everyday and it's a bit overwhelming right now! Should I just lay down next to him in bed? What if he starts playing around in the bed? I do think he would like for me to lay down with him, I'm just afraid it may take a while. What did you say/do while you laid next to your DS? How long did it take him to fall asleep? What did you do around 4 so he didn't need you anymore next to him to fall asleep? When you said to consider nursing the baby in his room you meant in DS1's room like nurse the baby in the rocking chair while DS1 is in bed? Not sure if he will like that one if that's what you meant DH could probably step in some of the nights when he's home by entertaining DS2 if I nurse him right before laying down with DS1. Tonight I put him to bed but I still rocked him to sleep. It went really well as the problem isn't really for him to fall asleep but more the night waking. Tomorrow for his nap I'll try to lay down with him maybe it's better to start with naps... Do you think? Thanks again Marianne!

[nudhistbudhist]

I wouldn't totally discount the stomach ache thing. When I was 5 I had stomaches every night for a month. My parents thought I was faking it, but after a month of me complaning every night at bedtime, they took me to the doctor. The doctor said it was reflux. They told my parents to give me Malox or something. The problem was ongoing, as my mom didnt really like me taking Malox all the time. Back to the doctors. After reviewing my diet, we discovered that eating an apple (or two!) every night after dinner was causing me to have too much acid in my stomach. I stopped eating apples, and the problem was resolved ;P