The Great Schooling Debate - Home, Waldorf, Montessori, Traditional - Page 2

[SundayCrepes]

Frankly, I would not let a 4 year old make this decision. They do not know what school is. They do not know the ramification of this choice. You are the parent, you decide what you think is best until they are old enough to make this kind of choice. (Says an unschooling mama.)

Here's our experience with preschool:

We will be (are) homeschooling. We did preschool for 2 1/2 months. It was a good school, Reggio Emelio (or however you spell it) philosophy. Sort of unschooling for the school environment. I'm glad we're done with it.

We had problems with aggression from our (then) 3 year old towards our toddler. It was suggested that maybe he needed more time with kids his age. That maybe he was playing with the baby the way he wanted to play with kids his age. I was so overwhelmed by his aggression and felt so guilty that yet another friend I'd found for him was in preschool or had moved that we enrolled him in preschool. I was just too overwhelmed to find another friend for him.

Although he'd never said he wanted to go to school, he used to play he was going to school all the time because his friends and cousins (who live 2 hours away) went to school. I told him some kids do school at school, and some kids, like him, did school at home.

Although he enjoyed the preschool, he never wanted me to leave. I didn't want to hang out at school all day, every day (3 hours a day 4 days a week) so I left. Several times a week he would tell me he didn't want to go to school. I would take him because I needed the baby to be safe.

Then we figured out how to be done with the aggression. Around that time I noticed a bite mark bruise on his arm. We told him he didn't need to go to school if he didn't want to. Then he told me one of the kids at school was aggressive towards him.

I was afraid his own aggression would start up again so I told him he didn't have to go to school, but if he was rough with his sister I would take him. (I'd made arrangements to do drop in if I needed.) The teacher invited us to go on a walk with the class. They had 2 student teachers so there were 4 adults to about 12 kids plus me and my 2 kids. The walk was awful. It was all crowd control. When I took my kids for walks we had a great time exploring, this was nothing but herding cats.

One of the student teachers told me that there were only 3 kids in the class that used their words for communicating, the rest used their hands, and one of the verbal kids had transformed into a hands kid. My son was one of the few who was a verbal communicator. She said the other kids were always being aggressive towards him. Because he didn't fight back he seemed to be a Mecca for the aggressive kids.

He no longer plays that he's going to school. He states he does not want to go to school (which is fine since that's our choice.)

He did pick up the concept of guns and killing while at school, something I'd been able to keep him from until then. Fortunately that is really decreasing as time passes. If you send your daughter to school, you have no idea what she will be exposed to. We have also made a couple more friends that he sees once or twice a week for several hours at a time in the nearby park and sometimes they come here. We have also found a new homeschooling group we are starting to get active in. It's taken awhile but we now have a nice group of friends for him. I hope we can easily sustain these friendships.

So that was our short-lived experience with preschool. I don't know if that gives you any food for thought. However, my advice, as I said before, is this is YOUR choice, not hers.

[SweetPotato]

I'm a big fan of taking small steps-- I think largely because that's the way my dd (now 4) needs us to approach things. For us, that meant watching her to see when she seemed ready to do kid-only classes. We started with a 30 minute ballet class that she was BEGGING to do-- and I think that excitement was a big part of it's success. Now we've added a 1.5 hour kid class that includes, stories, songs, games, art, etc.-- similar to some preschool programs on a much smaller scale. Next year (a couple months before she turns 5) she'll start a 2 morning 2.5 hour play-based "preschool"-- she toured several with me and is thrilled about this one in particular- she wants to go right now! I wasn't really into the whole preschool idea myself, have every confidence that she'll learn the academics she needs to as she goes along-- but I do like the idea of letting her adjust to the separation and the social demands bit by bit. I was very uncomfortable with the idea of going from disjointed individual classes to full-blown kindergarten in a LARGE elementary school 5 days a week (we have the option of doing half-day kindy here, thank goodness!)

You know your child better than anyone, so I think you're in the best position to judge what you think the likelihood is of your dd adjusting well to 5-day full-day kindy (and the liklihood of your choosing to go that route over homeschooling) without the sort of prelude that preschool can provide. That said-- we'll only be paying $115/month for those two half-days. I also have to agree with whoever suggested that you tour as many as possible and ask specifically about different options. One school that I felt really drawn to said on their website that they did 5-days full-day only. In person they said that we could do any schedule we wanted (including only a couple afternoons)- for a significant reduction in tuition-- it's worth asking. Also-- not to add pressure-- but I'd act fast if you think you might be interested. Around here, enrollment for next year opened in the beginning of January- and spots can fill up quickly. Oh-- and most of the places we looked at have you pay one month in advance and ask for a 30-day notice before withdrawing-- so at least that limits how much $$ you stand to lose if it doesn't work out.

Good luck making your decision!

[Marylizah]

I'm not totally in your shoes, in that 1) DS is already going to preschool and 2) preschool here is public and free, but we were working through the decision last spring (between public and Waldorf-- picked public in the end).

DS goes to school 4 days a week, 3 hours a day. Not counting school vacations (2 weeks off every 6 weeks) and sick days (and there have been a lot since starting school!). So really, it doesn't add up to much school time at all. BUT. I love love love having three hours to myself, and when baby comes, having three hours where I can focus on the baby. That alone is a wonderful thing, truly.

And it's been good for DS socially and linguistically (he didn't really speak French and was not able to make friends easily). School has matured him in many ways. I am not anti-school and do not plan, right now, to homeschool my kids in the future. But I'm also careful to ensure that the school is a good fit for my child. DS had a rough time adapting at first, but LOVES it now. Every day he comes home telling me what a wonderful time he had.

So if you find a school that fits well with your child and you can afford it, by all means, do it! Especially if you are feeling a little burned out, or like you need more 1-on-1 time with your second child. As my mother likes to say, nothing is written in stone and if it just doesn't work out you can always stop.

In my experience, it's been really positive for both DS and I.