church discipline - Page 2

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by annekh23

he considers me so sinful that he views the pastor as perfect that he almost seems to be saying that my sins (which are many) justify the pastor sinning against me, that when he has yelled at me, or mocked me that I deserved it.

Life is hard, but God is amazing, this post has been long, well done if you got this far!

Can you think of a situation in which your baby, or your child or your teenager would DESERVE to be mocked and yelled at? Because that is how God thinks of you and that's how your pastor and husband should be treating you. This is not healthy adult behavior.

[goldfinches]

The only time I've seen church discipline, (and the only time I believe it's Biblical), is in the case of someone living in a sinful manner and disregarding the leadership's admonishion to change. Not signing a paper so your pastor can talk to your counsoler(sp) doesn't fall into this category.

Actually, it doesn't make sense at all. What a strange situation...

[PGTlatte]

To the OP: I've thought a lot about your post. Full disclosure here: I don't currently share your faith but have past experience from many years ago that helps me empathize with where you are.

I think that right now it would be best for to make your top concern your own mental health, instead of following the doctrines of a particular church or type of church.

IMO it would be best for you to seek counseling, both personal for you, and marriage, completely outside of and independent from your religious affiliation, with no involvement of anyone related to your church or religion. I realize that your church may discourage you from doing this and tell you it's somehow wrong...perhaps even kick you out for "disobeying" them. Please consider that this is because outside counseling that they have no involvement in would threaten their control over you.

It is possible that some in this church have woven you into a web of control, that you will never be able to untangle yourself from, by following their rules. They may continue to find ways to make you wrong and everything your fault no matter what you do. When this kind of thing goes on, it is NOT your fault. It is their own psychological need to control people this way that is the problem.

A community of faith should be helping you through tough times, as you ask for and consent to their help. Not making the tough times tougher, setting up mind games, causing you to doubt yourself, inserting itself into your private, personal life in a way that causes a rift in your marriage (ie your DH being more loyal to the pastor), and blackmailing you. This all sounds very, very destructive and unhealthy. I know you may be in a very self-doubting mindset right now, and thinking "but this church is more biblical". If it's "more biblical" than others, but less loving, and it is hurting your, then I hope you can see your way to getting some outside help for yourself. You deserve to be treated with love.

[TzippityDoulah]

ok so I haven't read all the other posts so I'm just jumping in here head first - but on my word!!!

I am baffled. why would you be expected to "obey" your pastor? is he your father or husband? that's ridiculous! I mean yes yes i agree if you are sinning openly and living in it you should be not allowed to fellowship. but... breastfeeding in public is NOT sin. period. not discussion necessary! it's just plain, not sin in any fashion... UNLESS you are breastfeeding for the purpose of "shock value" or to "stick it to him" or for sexual reasons. yes, those are wrong. nourishment or your child? nope. not sin.

I'm appauled by the other people telling you not to BF during church time. the reason I'm appauled is because by how you say it, it's out of FEAR of your pastor. FEAR!? what on earth?

I'm confused however... what does your pastor have to do with your counsoler? is it a church counsoler? why would a pastor have ANY say whatsoever with your mental health treatment?

people have different feelings about things... but it is my opinion that the church is NOT in control of the people. even by Paul's standards (and I'm not a pauline kinda girl) the husband is the head of the house and God is the head of the husband. pastor? he's a guider, teacher, shepard and authority on scripture... NOT a personal authority within the marriage.

God made the union between man and wife first and foremost. all other authority relationships (for lack of better word) are UNDER that. not over it.

[jeannineb]

OK, I have read through this thread and I am... just, wow. I have a friend who, I believe, was abused by her church through "dicipline". I cannot, for the life of me, figure out WHY anyone would want to belong to a group that treats them so badly. I'm sorry, I know this is of no help, but I just don't get it.
to you, I hope you find some resolution.