I had lunch with a friend yesterday and it was really psychotic. She not only decided I shouldn’t look at my son, but I shouldn’t be around when they are together either.
I posted something about this friend when I was pregnant and felt she was becoming possessive. I had been staying away from her since the day she came to see DS after he was born. She held him for nearly an hour at the hospital while continuing to unswaddle him to check his fingers and toes. And when she saw me looking at him she put her hand up so I couldn’t see. DH remarked that it was strange how she was acting. Now, 6 ½ months later, I decided to go to lunch with her after she sent an e-mail saying she missed me, had been feeling depressed, and didn’t want to loose my friendship because I was her best friend.
Here's what happened: I picked her up from work and never mind the “hellos’” she wanted to sit in back with DS. She played with him as we drove and I stole glances in the rear view mirror enjoying his expressions, and seeing him smile and laugh: we have a mirror system so we can see him. My friend noticed this, stopped what she was doing and looked annoyed, “Oh. I see what’s going on, Mommies looking at you. She’s not supposed to be looking at you.” And she put her hand up in front of the mirror so I couldn’t see him. I laughed it off, but the next time I glanced up she had moved the hanging elephant toy on DS’s car seat to the center of the handle blocking my view! (She also did it on the way back from the restaurant). When DS was laughing and smiling at her, I heard her remark, “I’m so glad you like me, I thought for sure you were going to hate me.” I have to go back… when I was pregnant I wouldn’t let her touch my belly because she would reach out and rub my tummy all over and keep her hand there while talking. I felt violated! So when I told her not to she got upset and said, “He’s going to hate me when he’s born.”
While at the restaurant we barely had a conversation. I tried talking to her and asking about her kids (6 & 14), but it was apparent all she wanted was my son. So I let her hold him and sit in her lap. She wanted to give him a French fry. I assume most people would ask if it’s okay to give a baby a French fry, but she just told me, “I’ll give him a French fry to hold.” I told her no. I didn’t bring his pacifier so he would put it in his mouth. She scoffed at me, “Fine, Mommy doesn’t want me to give you a French fry. He’s not going to eat it.” How the heck would she know? Yes, he would eat it, or else put it in his mouth, he just started solids and a greasy French fry is not something I want to give him.
DS started to get a bit fussy in her lap and I said I’d take him back. She told me, “I can calm him.” She tried but lately DS has been a bit clingy. Finally I got her to pass him back. He hugged me tightly, and I tickled and kissed him until he was smiling again. I looked over at my friend and she looked dejected and remarked, “I don’t know why you need Mommy, I can do that.” So we ate a little, and I tried again to talk to her but the conversation was dead in the water; I felt like all she wanted was my son back! So I passed him back and she cheered up and started playing with him again, a little too much in his face I thought, because he started to get more fussy. So she said, “Let’s go see the kids,” (it’s a Chic-fil-a, so they have a playzone). I took in a breath feeling uncomfortable, and tried to stay calm thinking that she wouldn't do anything to him, just get through the lunch, and she hasn't seen him... you know, trying to rationalize her bizarre behavior. I could see she walked over to the window of the playzone and stood there looking in.
She returned after a minute or two and DS seemed calm, so she sat back down and immediately DS was fussy again. I really wanted him back but she wasn't giving him up. I told her DS loves movement and that she could walk around with him. I kicked myself right after I said that. It's something I would say to anyone of my friends. I also thought she’d just pace with him right there and return as quickly as the first time. But no, suddenly he’s gone and I sit there feeling really uncomfortable. It takes a moment before I find her inside the playzone with him, but from where I'm sitting I can’t watch them. I continue to eat thinking she’ll be right back but she doesn’t return. Suddenly I realize I’m stuck; she hasn’t finished her food, she’s left her purse, and I can’t just get up and walk away. If I take her purse and leave the food the workers might clear her lunch. There are no other seats available in the restaurant. So I decide to get a to-go-bag and pack up her meal, which is mostly done anyway, and head over to the playzone because I don't have a good feeling with her and my son.
I go inside the playzone and find her crouched down way in the corner with my son on her knee showing him some talking toy, which is fine, but then she turns and sees me standing there and I get the LOOK… the pissed-off-what-are-you-doing-here-I-can’t-believe-you’re-standing-there-leave-us-the-hell-alone look.
Oh. My. Goodness. Suddenly I felt like this was her custody visit and I was intruding on her time with my son.
She proceeded to show my son more things by saying, “Look, look at the mirror” and slamming her hand into it to try and get his attention. But I sensed she felt uncomfortable with me “hovering,” and I was glad. She said, “I think he really likes all the colors.” I said, “He doesn’t seem that interested,” in a very direct way that I think sent the message that I wasn’t happy.
The whole experience lasted 40 minutes, but it was the most uncomfortable psychotic 40 minutes of my life!
I have decided to end my friendship with her, after twelve years, I know people told me to do that before, but I really had hoped things had changed. I seriously do not know this person anymore! And now that it involves my son there's no way I can put up with this behavior.
The previous Friday I had lunch with another friend who held my son in her lap the entire time. The difference is my other friend respects me as a parent and would never dream of taking my son from me and walking away out of sight, at least not with asking, and certainly wouldn’t care if I was looking at him or "hovering."
I’m so angry and hurt, too, I want to write a letter or call and say WTH! But I really feel like I’m dealing with someone whose gone over the deep end and might kidnap my son.
Like I said, I just needed to vent. I am still shaken about this. I don't understand how someone can act like this and not see that it's inappropriate.
I posted something about this friend when I was pregnant and felt she was becoming possessive. I had been staying away from her since the day she came to see DS after he was born. She held him for nearly an hour at the hospital while continuing to unswaddle him to check his fingers and toes. And when she saw me looking at him she put her hand up so I couldn’t see. DH remarked that it was strange how she was acting. Now, 6 ½ months later, I decided to go to lunch with her after she sent an e-mail saying she missed me, had been feeling depressed, and didn’t want to loose my friendship because I was her best friend.
Here's what happened: I picked her up from work and never mind the “hellos’” she wanted to sit in back with DS. She played with him as we drove and I stole glances in the rear view mirror enjoying his expressions, and seeing him smile and laugh: we have a mirror system so we can see him. My friend noticed this, stopped what she was doing and looked annoyed, “Oh. I see what’s going on, Mommies looking at you. She’s not supposed to be looking at you.” And she put her hand up in front of the mirror so I couldn’t see him. I laughed it off, but the next time I glanced up she had moved the hanging elephant toy on DS’s car seat to the center of the handle blocking my view! (She also did it on the way back from the restaurant). When DS was laughing and smiling at her, I heard her remark, “I’m so glad you like me, I thought for sure you were going to hate me.” I have to go back… when I was pregnant I wouldn’t let her touch my belly because she would reach out and rub my tummy all over and keep her hand there while talking. I felt violated! So when I told her not to she got upset and said, “He’s going to hate me when he’s born.”
While at the restaurant we barely had a conversation. I tried talking to her and asking about her kids (6 & 14), but it was apparent all she wanted was my son. So I let her hold him and sit in her lap. She wanted to give him a French fry. I assume most people would ask if it’s okay to give a baby a French fry, but she just told me, “I’ll give him a French fry to hold.” I told her no. I didn’t bring his pacifier so he would put it in his mouth. She scoffed at me, “Fine, Mommy doesn’t want me to give you a French fry. He’s not going to eat it.” How the heck would she know? Yes, he would eat it, or else put it in his mouth, he just started solids and a greasy French fry is not something I want to give him.
DS started to get a bit fussy in her lap and I said I’d take him back. She told me, “I can calm him.” She tried but lately DS has been a bit clingy. Finally I got her to pass him back. He hugged me tightly, and I tickled and kissed him until he was smiling again. I looked over at my friend and she looked dejected and remarked, “I don’t know why you need Mommy, I can do that.” So we ate a little, and I tried again to talk to her but the conversation was dead in the water; I felt like all she wanted was my son back! So I passed him back and she cheered up and started playing with him again, a little too much in his face I thought, because he started to get more fussy. So she said, “Let’s go see the kids,” (it’s a Chic-fil-a, so they have a playzone). I took in a breath feeling uncomfortable, and tried to stay calm thinking that she wouldn't do anything to him, just get through the lunch, and she hasn't seen him... you know, trying to rationalize her bizarre behavior. I could see she walked over to the window of the playzone and stood there looking in.
She returned after a minute or two and DS seemed calm, so she sat back down and immediately DS was fussy again. I really wanted him back but she wasn't giving him up. I told her DS loves movement and that she could walk around with him. I kicked myself right after I said that. It's something I would say to anyone of my friends. I also thought she’d just pace with him right there and return as quickly as the first time. But no, suddenly he’s gone and I sit there feeling really uncomfortable. It takes a moment before I find her inside the playzone with him, but from where I'm sitting I can’t watch them. I continue to eat thinking she’ll be right back but she doesn’t return. Suddenly I realize I’m stuck; she hasn’t finished her food, she’s left her purse, and I can’t just get up and walk away. If I take her purse and leave the food the workers might clear her lunch. There are no other seats available in the restaurant. So I decide to get a to-go-bag and pack up her meal, which is mostly done anyway, and head over to the playzone because I don't have a good feeling with her and my son.
I go inside the playzone and find her crouched down way in the corner with my son on her knee showing him some talking toy, which is fine, but then she turns and sees me standing there and I get the LOOK… the pissed-off-what-are-you-doing-here-I-can’t-believe-you’re-standing-there-leave-us-the-hell-alone look.
Oh. My. Goodness. Suddenly I felt like this was her custody visit and I was intruding on her time with my son.
She proceeded to show my son more things by saying, “Look, look at the mirror” and slamming her hand into it to try and get his attention. But I sensed she felt uncomfortable with me “hovering,” and I was glad. She said, “I think he really likes all the colors.” I said, “He doesn’t seem that interested,” in a very direct way that I think sent the message that I wasn’t happy.
The whole experience lasted 40 minutes, but it was the most uncomfortable psychotic 40 minutes of my life!
I have decided to end my friendship with her, after twelve years, I know people told me to do that before, but I really had hoped things had changed. I seriously do not know this person anymore! And now that it involves my son there's no way I can put up with this behavior.
The previous Friday I had lunch with another friend who held my son in her lap the entire time. The difference is my other friend respects me as a parent and would never dream of taking my son from me and walking away out of sight, at least not with asking, and certainly wouldn’t care if I was looking at him or "hovering."
I’m so angry and hurt, too, I want to write a letter or call and say WTH! But I really feel like I’m dealing with someone whose gone over the deep end and might kidnap my son.
Like I said, I just needed to vent. I am still shaken about this. I don't understand how someone can act like this and not see that it's inappropriate.
But I think you absolutely made the right choice. Please do everything in your power to keep her away from your son.
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