Infant ready to socialize??

[mambera]

I dunno if this really belongs here but thought this board might have more experience with this kind of thing than the Life With a Babe board?

My LO is 7 months. We've been working hard to keep her out of day care until she is at least 1, on the theory that an infant is not developmentally ready to profit from peer interactions, and really mostly needs to be held and fed and loved at this stage.

But I am having this creeping sense that she is *bored* at home. Is this possible for a 7-month-old? Over the Xmas break we visited some friends with older children (2 and 5) and she *loved* them - they played super well together. (They were extremely lovely and gentle little boys.)

Meanwhile, at home she needs constant stimulation to stay happy. If we take her out to a new place she will be quiet and observant for literally hours without asking for food or anything. At home she is bored in minutes and needs a new activity.

Is it worth it to be paying out for a nanny on my days at work (currently 2 days/week but I will go back to f/t in June) or would she do better in day care?

(Regarding giftedness, obviously it's entirely too early to tell. My mom does say that her behavior is very similar to mine when I was a baby - unusually alert, seemingly relatively little need for sleep, etc - and her milestones have been somewhat early across the board, though not shockingly so.

My mom also says I went into day care at 8 months with a "Bye Mom!" and nary a backward glance - although I suspect my LO may be clingier than I was as a babe.)

[eepster]

DS needed social interaction as an infant. I used to go to LLL meetings and API meetings more for DS to get a chance to be with other kids than for any need for parenting advise (though I didn't mind getting to talk to adults. ) I would also take him for long walks around the mall.

He was very popular with little girls b/c he was tiny and cooperative, they would treat him as though he was a doll. It was really cute, but they did occasionally try to pick him up and carry him off.

I don't think he would have wanted to goo to daycare though, he was pretty clingy and needed mommy with him. I'm also not sure how much socializing goes on in daycare.

[Tigerle]

Originally Posted by eepster

I'm also not sure how much socializing goes on in daycare.

For various reasons which may apply to you, too, daycare appeared to be useless to DS as a socializing experience. He was a lot older (23 months) when he started, but every child in the room was more or less the same age and even the almost three-year-olds weren't a match for him verbally - he clung to the teachers at all times. This kind of age matching cannot recreate the older-sibling type relationships a child this age needs to be able to socialize. In retrospect, we should probably have left him in the in-home daycare we'd been using, where he loved to play with the 7 and 10 year old kids of the DCP whenever they were home from school, but the DCP was available only 3 days a week and I had some general safety worries about inhome daycare.
You might want to look for a similar situation rather than daycare - an inhome daycare with pre-school aged kids at home who might enjoy playing with the baby under the mom's supervision a couple days a week.

[HeatherJ]

(This is just my honest take on the topic - I am not trying to start a flame war or critize anyone else's choices)
My DD is super-social and very extrovert (now 4.5 yers). I was able to stay home with her for the first year, but I used to take her a mums and kids group at the local school (family literacy centre) and at the library. She really, really enjoyed those things, but I sincerely believe that she did because she had a single consistent care-giver to come back to and use as a social cue. She felt safe in those situations.
She eventually went to day-care when she was 13 months and that was quite a different situation - children don't get that special bond with a particular adult.
I really believe that during the first year the ideal is that they do get to observe (and participate if they want) other children and a variety of situations, but that they do this from the firm base of a caregiver that they are bonded to. As they grow older they need the base less, but the timing of that developmental shift varies greatly based on the personality of the child and the other potential caregiver relationships that are available.
Your child is still very, very young. I wouldn't be in a hurry to push her along to need to be more independent than she has to be. For some families they HAVE to send their child to day care. If you can manage to provide a consistent one-on-one caregiving relationship, that has to be the ideal... Even at 13 months, and plenty of experience with other (older) kids) my DD needed a care-giver more than other kids.

[Tigerle]

heatherj, I actually totally agree with you. My take on the situation, however, was that the OP will have to find some kind of care anyway two days/week from now on until June, and was wondering whether her child might enjoy daycare more than a nanny. An (good!licensed! inspected!) inhome daycare where she is the only baby to be held and cuddled, with a few older kids to provide social interaction, might be a place to find both attachment and safety but also the sibling-type stimulation a baby enjoys.
I would not recommend a center.

[mambera]

Originally Posted by HeatherJ

I really believe that during the first year the ideal is that they do get to observe (and participate if they want) other children and a variety of situations, but that they do this from the firm base of a caregiver that they are bonded to.

Actually I agree with this too - in an ideal world, which is not the real world where I live. In my ideal world, I would have a year off to spend with my kid and take her to playgroups and whatnot. That would be nice.

In the real world where I actually live and in which this 2 day/week thing was quite difficult to negotiate, there are going to be 2 days in the week (for now, and ultimately 5 days) that my LO needs somebody else's care.

Right now our arrangement is that we have a (lovely) nanny who comes to the house and cares for my DD on those two days, while I WOH and my DH WAH. A priori I figured this would be a more secure experience for my DD than daycare, in her own home and with her dad right in the next room, but seeing her enjoy interaction with other children suggested to me that I might rethink this.

Originally Posted by Tigerle

For various reasons which may apply to you, too, daycare appeared to be useless to DS as a socializing experience...
An (good!licensed! inspected!) inhome daycare where she is the only baby to be held and cuddled, with a few older kids to provide social interaction, might be a place to find both attachment and safety but also the sibling-type stimulation a baby enjoys.
I would not recommend a center.

This is good feedback actually, thanks. I guess you are right that maybe other 7-mo babies are not going to be as much fun for DD as the older kids were.

I'm not sure I trust in-home day care, at least not without an incredible amount of research and checking-out that I don't have the time to do right now. So perhaps we will stick with our current arrangement for the time being, and I can try to find some playgroups or something to attend on the days that I am home. Thanks for the input everybody.

[HeatherJ]

Originally Posted by Tigerle

heatherj, I actually totally agree with you. My take on the situation, however, was that the OP will have to find some kind of care anyway two days/week from now on until June, and was wondering whether her child might enjoy daycare more than a nanny. An (good!licensed! inspected!) inhome daycare where she is the only baby to be held and cuddled, with a few older kids to provide social interaction, might be a place to find both attachment and safety but also the sibling-type stimulation a baby enjoys.
I would not recommend a center.

Tigerle - I think that we are on the same plane - if you look at the times when I read the OP, your post was not there. By the time I had finished writing my post, you had posted yours. My post was not directed at yours in any way...
I agree that a centre is far from ideal - in hindsight I probably would not have put my DD in a daycare centre at 13 months, but I can;t undo that and she seems unscathed :-). I have no personal experience with either inhome daycare nor a nanny so I can't comment... and I tend to always think of a centre rather than inhome when someone says "daycare".
-Heather

[Lilygoose]

I always wanted to be a SAH and was somewhat anti-daycare, but that was not how things worked out for our family. My DD started going to daycare at around 5-6 months old and I was not happy about it. Except, it turns out- she LOVES it! We were careful about the center we chose (although its a center it is smaller than many and has a certain laid backness about it). I stayed with her for a looong time in the mornings to help her adjust, but she didn't really need it. The first year I used to go visit for a half hour or so in the middle of the day, but this was more about my missing her than her need for me to be there. She is happy when I drop her off and gives me a kiss and waves bye-bye. She is also happy when we come to pick her up at the end of the day. My DD always needed a lot of stimulation and was very alert and social as a baby. Now she is 15 months and is actually transfering into the two's room b/c she is getting bored with the ones. The director actually approached me about this and was able to describe my DD and what she was observing in a way that let me know she truly knew my kid. So, while I certainly think that it is good for babies to stay home with their parent, it is not always a bad thing for them to daycare. every child is different and will need different things. I do think my child is happier there than she would be at home with a caregiver, but that is her and her personality.

[St. Margaret]

My DD certainly did SO much better by that age if we went to playgroup for hours at the park. She loved LLL and other AP moms groups. My mom does childcare, and she'll have one baby at a time and cuddle them, but I think the large home child care even might be a bit much for a baby... a nice small home day care with a great caregiver might be great. But if that's not available, there's no reason a nanny can't take the baby out for stimulation and interaction. We used to hang out with the same sweet boy at the park, brought daily by his nanny

[nwatt]

My DD loves the days that we go to classes/story times. We got to free story times at the library and Barnes and Nobles two days a week, and then paid classes two days a week. We have done yoga, a "gym" class, and kindermusik. She LOVES staring at the other babies and the adults. There is one little boy who she has happened to take classes with/see at story time, since she was about 8 weeks old. They are starting to recognize each other and interact a bit more. I am trying to find play groups to join, but they tend to conflict with classes that I have already paid for, but I am still looking!

[curious&eager]

My DS (7 months) is interested in babies, mainly to pull their hair or poke their eyes. But, what he really loves is young kids. They smile at him, play with him, read him stories, move away from his grabbing hands. I take him out to playgroups and various places because I think he loves the stimulation. He's grumpy and bored at home sometimes, but he's very content when we are out.