"I want Mommy/Daddy"--how much do you give in?

[TinyMama]

DD, 2.75, is in a serious Mommy stage. And, as the title says, we're struggling to know how much/often to give in to her demands. Is it over faster if I just do everything for her? Right now DH continues to do some things for her even if she doesn't want him to, but the crying begins almost immediately.

[EzzysMom]

we get some of this too already, and what we do flips. If the other person is available we will do as she asks. If we're busy, then we say sorry we can't do that. Or offer her an option to wait or do it differently. I find these phases pass, and right now I'm lucky she's in a daddy phase giving me a break I find it very important to empathize with her while doing things against her wishes to help her get it over with sooner.

[TinyMama]

Thanks. We've tried being casual and just getting on with it, and it worked when she was younger. The problem is that now, if she starts throwing a fit, we sometimes *have* to give in--like when she won't use the bathroom with DH--and then I feel like we're training her to throw fits to get what she wants. But if I do everything she wants from the beginning, to ensure that that won't happen, then DD is happy at DH and my expense. I'm not sure how to find the middle ground here.

[marziechar]

We went/are going through this at bedtime, but I can tell you what helps/is successful for us and I hope it helps you, too.

My almost 2.5 y/o goes to bed with his papa. He's been doing this for about 6 months. We started this because 1) I'm more likely to clean up the house while they're doing it, 2) we're expecting our second and I expect to have to do most of that bedtime routine.

Anyhow, so this (the needy lil'n) happens 1) when DS is tired, 2) has had the opportunity to spend lots of time playing and having fun with me and DH has been busier than normal. It's pretty much what you describe. DS cries and asks for me, DH tries to do the things for him anyway.

We discovered by accident one night when I had an evening meeting that when I am absolutely not there, things run incredibly smoothly for the two. On the subsequent night that we discovered this, I went out again to the movie store (I had no desire to rent a movie and ended up reading half a book heehee). After that, as long as I'm quiet and don't exaggerate my presence in the house, they work out bedtime quite well without me.

I don't know if any part of this scenario is applicable, but it seems similar to our issue.

[TinyMama]

Thanks, marziechar. We could definitely try this. In the past, bedtime DH has gone really horribly--as in, he ends up driving DD to get her to fall asleep w/o crying. She is only willing to go to sleep with him when I've tried for a long time and have given up. But we could try again.

[_betsy_]

She's getting to the age where she can express her wants/needs - and I think honoring them as best as you can helps the child understand that their wants and needs are important.

If we CAN do as DD asks, we do it. So long as it's a reasonable request and she asks nicely.

I WOH FT, nights, so 5 nights a week, my DDs have no choice but to have DH put them to sleep every night. If I'm home, things are sometimes different (like, my nursling nurses to sleep instead of getting a bottle), and older DD goes through stages of whom she wants to cuddle with to go to sleep when I'm home.

What we've found is that what "works" with me doesn't always work for DH, and vice versa. I used to be able to rock and sing DD1 to sleep fairly quickly, he'd never even try. He used to be able to (gently and warmly) restrain DD1 to get her to go to sleep, it never worked with me it just wound her up even more, etc.