Quality of life question...where to live? - Page 2

[khanni]

Based on your posts, I would definitely pick the mortgage-free and going back home.

First off, when I read your initial post, I felt like you had already chosen it. You sounded serene and happy in that idea, and it sounds like you like the idea of the urban thing better. Understandably so, but I really feel like moving back home and living mortgage-free is what you truly want.

You said you loved it as a kid and only noticed how conservative it was when you got a bit older. This makes total sense to me. I grew up in the opposite situation, which supports your experience. I grew up in San Francisco. My mom is from Kansas, and we'd go there every summer. I longed to live in Kansas when I was a little kid. Having more nature, my grandparents, and these sorts of things were far more important to me than being in a hip, cultural town as a small child. Somewhere around 12 years old or so, though, it was the city all the way.

So...I would do as another poster suggested and save, save, save while your mortgage-free. When your kids start to become a little older, I would look to moving into more of situation that matched your political beliefs, and you'd be in a much better place to do so financially.

[LynnS6]

I'd go mortgage free -- I think that time with your kids trumps a lot of things.

You can find people who are more like you, even in a very conservative town. It's harder to compete with the frantic lifestyle that having most of the parents work out of the home brings -- who will your kids play with if they're all in daycare/afterschool? What kind of values will they be absorbing by the focus of the 'intense' city on money?

ETA: You were raised there and you ended up liberal like your parents, right?

[Gena 22]

Ha, ha! It not often that I'm on this board, but your title caught my eye. These are issues DH and I have mulled over for our 5 year (and 3 homes) marriage. It's funny because I was born in Georgetown, grew up in conservative northern VA, went to college in Annapolis, am now living in wonderfully liberal Brookland (just south of Takoma Park,) and we've decided to move back to Annapolis! I think for those of us in the greater DC area, these choices are that much more present. It's so hard getting everything you want / need for your family.

PM me if you decide on moving to DC, we're talking to a realtor on Thursday about renting or selling our house. It's a sweet home where my babies were born, with a yard and a fireplace, 3 blocks from the metro.

Or just PM me! And good luck!

[crl]

I'd go with no mortage. The lack of stress over making the house payment would be a huge plus for me. And if you get along with your family, I think that kind of support is huge. I would value those things over being in a place with similar political views.

Catherine

[pixiekisses]

I'd rather live with a high mortgage and in a liberal city, than in a conservative suburbs even if it means mortgage free.
No doubt in my mind.
Or, actually, we do live centrally in a liberal city, don't have a car bc we don't need it, have a mortgage and grandparents that live 30 min., and about 60 min. or so away, and love, love, love it. (Not to mention grandparent in another contry with several hours of flying.)
Wouldn't have it any other way.

[mamadebug]

I think it depends on your financial situation, really. If living in a more liberal city with a mortgage means having a crushing mortgage payment, the expense of sending your kids to private schools because the public schools are so bad, or you have huge debt, then I would opt for the mortgage free situation. If your mortgage and the rest of your financial obligations are manageable, then I would opt for being in a more liberal situation. We have chosen to live in or near progressive places and live with the higher cost of living - we do so out of a mix of being able to afford it and forgoing certain things. I wouldn't change it. My DH used to bring up the idea of moving to areas that had a lower cost of living, but were also more conservative. And while I know you can find groups of people that share your values, it is important to me to live in a place where those ideals are widely accepted, where I don't have to feel "weird" for certain choices and neither does my son. So, I guess for me, it would be a balance of many things to consider, with the mortgage being just one piece of the equation.

[bluebirdiemama]

I would live mortgage free and slow paced,
surely you will make friends

[Coconut Chronicles]

Originally Posted by SunshineJ

I'd vote for a move back, with a qualifier. Make a 5 yr commitment at the mortgage free house. During that time, pay a mortgage payment to your savings account. If, after 5 yrs you just cannot stand it any longer, you will be able to sell your house and add that cash to the
"mortgage payments" you made during those 5 yrs and possible keep the work situation the same while moving someplace else. Honestly though you may be surprised. DH had commented to me quite often that his home town never changed. People liked things the same, and in all the years he knew it, nothing really got any different. However, we moved back close to the area last fall and it's changed significantly in the past 8 years. A lot of that is with the housing boom and fall, economy, etc. people have been very mobile the past decade. You may have to look a bit, but it wouldn't surprise me if you moved back and were able to find people of like values! Either way, it sounds like a great and safe place for kids to grow up.

I think this is an excellent idea

[dmpmercury]

I would move to the city. I don't want the place I end up to be a suburb. I think suburbs show poor environmental planning and a poorer quality of life because of all the driving neccasary. You can lead a simple life in the city and I'm sure there are other familes. I don't think all the driving required for suburb living is simple. I would prefer to end up in a more progressive city especially if my kids were school age. Since the city is somewhat close to family it is the option I would choose. Being mortgage free would be great and I'm cheap but I won't compramise my values for it. Suburbia isn't sustainable.

[Arduinna]

I would move back home. Mortgage free and hubby able to work from home is HUGE.

[Alyantavid]

We never moved away, but still live in a super conservative, rural, small townish area. My son goes to the tiny public school I went to and as a parent, it's much much different than I perceived it as a child. And honestly, we can't wait to get out of here.

I'm sure we'll miss our families, but it's to the point where we don't even get into discussions about anything with any friends. I ignore most of the status updates on facebook from most people who were born and raised here because they're so vastly different from ours that it's almost offensive.

All that to say, I would try the mortgage free option and see how it goes. Things may change and you may be able to live where you want with some more financial stability in the future.

[NYCVeg]

This is such a personal question, and I really think only you can decide what's best for your family.

Personally, I think living in a major city is well worth the trade-offs: I really value a bustling cultural/arts scene, diversity, liberal values, great restaurants, the ability to walk everywhere and take public transportation, etc. Things that other people value--living in big houses, having a couple of cars--just hold no interest for me. Backyards are nice, but cities are full of parks!

I do agree with a PP that, in the DC area, you have options other than "conservative and far away" or "liberal and close to the city". There are plenty of neighborhoods that are affordable and not way in the middle of nowhere.

I should also say that I'd probably rent before taking on massive mortgage debt. We've owned and rented, and I honestly prefer renting. It would be worth it to me to rent to be able to afford a better space right in the city.

[hartfelt]

I'd go mortgage free for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jenifer76]

I think I would prefer mortgage free living over city living. I grew up in a major city and now I live in the 'burbs. There are pluses and minuses to both. But finances would sway me. And quality of schools.

[IntrovertExtrovert]

I'm struggling with this too.

What are some of the things/experiences that you value from the city? How much time would it take you to get to them from the burbs? Is it so far that you know you'd never take advantage of them?

Are there reasonable alternatives in the burbs? For example, I'm chaffing against the un-walkable nature of my current neighborhood. There are parks nearby, but the nearest cafe & grocery store are just beyond "walkable" distance, and the nearest bus stop is a mile away. I could stay in my current burb and find a place closer to a commercial district to meet that need.

Are there really as few SAHMs in the city as your perception? Search for parenting groups in the neighborhood you want, and you may find a huge but hidden SAHM population. I live in a suburb that is also a university town full of high-powered yuppies. I would never have guessed at the number of SAHMs here before I was a parent.

How pervasive and harmful are the values that you dislike in the suburb? I grew up inside Chicago, but in a very reactionary/segregated neighborhood. The day I realized I could never move back home was the day I saw two couples here in CA that would have been shunned at best, beaten at worst in my old neighborhood just for holding hands. One was a gay male couple and one was an interracial straight couple.

[IntrovertExtrovert]

Originally Posted by Jenifer76

I think I would prefer mortgage free living over city living. I grew up in a major city and now I live in the 'burbs. There are pluses and minuses to both. But finances would sway me. And quality of schools.

Quality of schools is definitely something to look into (assuming the OP is not planning to homeschool), but that may also relate the growth of the suburb. My sister moved out to a far suburb because of the schools. Everyone else had the same idea at the same time, and taxes couldn't keep up with the growing school. Now the schools in the city have (mostly) turned around, but the schools in her suburb have dropped to way below average while her suburb plays catch-up with funding, building, and hiring.

[Jenifer76]

Yes, I have seen that happen where we used to live in KY. I suppose if you move to an established suburb with no more room to build, that might not be an issue? I dunno.