3 year old waking me up at night and I am bitter and angry

[Enudely]

I've got an 11 month old waking me up every 1-2 hours, and a 3 year old waking me up 2-3 times a night. I. can't. take. it. anymore.
I'm angry at my kid! This is so unhealthy. I get get SO mad at her in the middle of the night. We tried having her bed in our room, but she yells in the night and wakes up the baby and she still crawls into our bed. After she's in our bed, I don't sleep for the rest of the night.

I tried going to her bed to lay there with her, but she just wakes me up to do that every night. I tried letting her creep quietly into my bed but then I can't sleep and dh is on the couch. I guess what I need to do is bring her back to her bed every time and make her go to sleep on her own pillow without me in her bed (sitting next to the bed?). And probably at bed time we need to practice her going to sleep without me in her bed.
BUT, by the time bedtime rolls around, I'm too exhausted to do anything but lie in her bed until she's asleep, ditto at night. Then, on the weekends, when dh agrees to let me sleep in, she thinks its funny to wake me up, or she cries and wants me and I get SO angry. I am so mad right now, I don't even want to look at her. Of course, she is sitting on my chair.
HEEEEEELP!!!

[Nillarilla]

My boy is a little older than your girl but our babies are the same age. Here is what has helped us since I was in your situation not long ago. Yes there was some yelling and crying on my son's part but for him this can be necessary to express his frustration with the situation.

My hubby went away for a week so I couldn't lay with my son at night because it often took well over an hour sometimes 2. He just wouldn't settle or stop talking. I started by telling him that I wasn't going to lay down with him or be in the room when he was falling asleep anymore but he could bring anything to bed with him to help him relax or feel safe. He started to page through books in bed. I sit in the hall and it takes 15-30min for him to fall asleep now. I sit out of site so I can use my laptop or crochet or knit or whatever and I don't allow anymore talking once I have left the room.

After we were done with the battles from that (took about 2 days) then after 2 days of easy bedtimes my hubby came home and took over with the exact same routine. If ds gets out of bed and comes into our room we walk him back tuck him in or take him pee and then walk him back and immediately leave the room. No lingering for ANY reason. The first time my hubby tried it he got some screaming but it eventually stopped and he didn't get up again.

Guess what? It's working. It's been 1 week and we've gone from 2 hr bedtime and getting up every night and NEEDING someone to sleep with him and so screaming for that. To 15-30min bedtime and getting up once to pee and being walked back and sleeping the rest of the night in his bed. Before if we tried this he would just get up repeatedly until exhaustion set in and somebody lay down with him and if we tried to go back to our bed he would immediately wake up and come get us loudly often waking the baby.

One other thing I did and I don't know if it helped or not but certainly didn't hurt was to tell a story with his little people from his dollhouse. I went through the whole bedtime routine including the dad or mom going downstairs after kissing the boy good night and him falling asleep on his own to the boy staying in his own bed until morning and coming down for breakfast and creeping in quietly to see if everyone was awake.

I totally get the anger thing. I am a bit of a mommy monster in the middle of the night sometimes. Sleep deprivation does that to me. But then I know it's really time to make a change. Hugs I hope you find something that helps.

[Enudely]

not to re-bump my own thread, but thank you!! That was really what I needed to hear. I actually was SO mad this morning, I told dd that something really needs to change, and she said that she thinks we should try the "kiss, sing a lullaby, and then mommy leaves the room" bedtime again... so that's what Im going to do... I'll try to have a nap today so I can cope when it gets to be 8:30. THank you so much for the support!

[larzanna]

Not that everyone agrees, but after you explane it to her, you could also try...well bribery. At least maybe on weekends/one day a week if the PP ideas don't work right now.
Tell her that if she stays in her bed all night and does not get you before (x) time (with a digital clock), that she gets something special for breakfast or whatever she might like that you don't do often.
Just a thought, i have no problem with occasional bribery.

[Ceinwen]

Reading closely! My two year old is up every 1-2 hours at night, for unknown reasons, and it's limiting my ability to function. I'm a single mother, and a trauma RN, so I'm kind of hoping to get at least 4-6 uninterrupted hours of sleep a night.

[Maluhia]

I think when the times are this rough getting ANYONE to help you so you can take a nap can save sanity.

[philomom]

A more active playtime might help your three year sleep better. Can she be taken to the park to play for an hour or two before dinner? Not only did this make my picky son eat better, but he slept all night as well. Only a few days of this can help break the pattern.

[Enudely]

We are super active during the day, and bribery doesn't work. Believe me, I've tried it. I actually told her we would get a kitten if she learned to sleep through the night!! She can say one thing during the day, but in the middle of the night, it's a whole different story....

[Nillarilla]

When your dh agrees to let you sleep in can he take the kids out for a walk or something so that you can actually sleep?

Also one thought is maybe bump your dd's bedtime up to 730? I've found that with my ds that extra hour of sleep seems to make him able to go to sleep easier and stay asleep. Plus I know that *I* can't make it until 830.

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by Enudely

BUT, by the time bedtime rolls around, I'm too exhausted to do anything but lie in her bed until she's asleep, ditto at night. Then, on the weekends, when dh agrees to let me sleep in, she thinks its funny to wake me up, or she cries and wants me and I get SO angry. I am so mad right now, I don't even want to look at her. Of course, she is sitting on my chair.
HEEEEEELP!!!

I agree with the first responder as far as just sort of battling through it. Make sure you are well rested and stay calm but firm. To me, you're sort of at crisis point. Honestly she doesn't sound happy with the dynamic, either.

What I bolded I would put in the 'unacceptable' bucket. If she's making too much noise then she is put in another room until she can calm down and be quiet. Lock your bedroom door so you don't have to deal with it. Have your DH be very clear. Mommy is resting and not available.

You may want to do that for an overnight, too and have your DH take over.

For us we do like the first responder and my son's only choice is 3 books (or no books if he's acting up) and then I sit in the chair or the doorway (my choice). If he won't settle down he has to stay in his room and play alone until he's ready to fall asleep at which point I'll come back in.

We have a king size bed and don't mind him coming in the middle of the night. But he has to sleep. Just sleep. Not whine or fuss or talk. Any of those gets him a trip back to his bedroom (unless he's sick or something obviously).

Unless your child has some SN's that are not listed here then I think you have a great chance of fixing this relatively quickly. Not without drama I am sure (she's 3, after all ) but you know better than her what everyone needs. Stay firm and kind and everything should improve. Please keep us posted!