anyone ever move with teens?

[kathymuggle]

The title says it all.

Anyone ever move as a teen or with teen (far enough away that the experience was uprooting)? How was the experience? Good and bad.

For a variety of reasons, I feel moving closer to the city may work well for my familly over the long haul. We will be closer to numerous opportunities - we live in a rural village right now.

I have not broached the subject with my kids although I think they know I think about it. They have caught me looking at MLS listing.

I am afraid of taking them away from the life they know. I am also afraid of selling a house, but that is a different thread, lol

[Oriole]

I was 16 when my parents moved from Europe to the US. Quite a change!
I looked at it as an adventure, new start, even though I was sad to leave what was my home for 16 years (we never once moved before then).

I cried all the way to the airport.

I knew the opportunities that it will provide for me, and was prepared to do my best. It took me very long time to make new friends, I connected with exchange students at the high school, learned the language, graduated with high honors the following year, and am forever grateful for the move my parents made. The first year was torturous, but we made it.

I did not have a boyfriend to leave behind, the true friends kept in touch. I went back this summer for the first time in 10 years, and met up with the old friends.

Be open with your kids about your thoughts, they might surprise you with their thoughts on the move.

[SilverFish]

my parents moved us from pkaistan to north america when i was 13 and my little sisters were 11 and 6... so pretty close to the ages of your kids. i was excited and sad to leave, and i think my other sister felt the same. at 13 i found my friendships to be fairly unstable and unreliable anyway, so i wasn't completely devasted to be leaving my school and starting over, however, my sister had some long-term "best friends" that she was really heart-broken to leave. my youngest sister didn't care a ton either way.

transitioning was REALLY hard. firstly, i had grown up in a totally different culture, but was still also north american by birth and background. so i didn't really fit into the immigrant role, but wasn't really moving back home either. i was half way through grade 8 when we moved... the first 6 months in a junior high were absolute hell. i had no friends, people made fun of the way i talked and acted and dressed, i think i probably cried everyday. however, by the time the fall rolled around, i went off to highschool in a different district where no one knew i was that wierd "paki" girl and i'd had a little time to get used to north american teen culture so i could at least act like i belonged. i didn't tell anyone where i was from until half way through grade 9... by then i had some pretty good friends and it was almost an exciting distinction to have in a giant highschool full of older kids.

my sister transitioned pretty seamlessly into junior high and had a good time in her new school. i'm sure her age and personality were factors... my highschool years were no more turbulent than anyone elses, and probably me moving across the globe wasn't much of a factor by then.

i think being realistic about friends staying in touch is a good idea. i think i was more heartbroken a couple years later when i realized that i really had lost a couple of good friends than i was when i originally left them. especially for your 13 year old, there will be a loss of old networks, at least to some extent, but the opportunity to make brand-new ones.

[philomom]

We moved from one side of the country to the other when my dd was 12 and my ds 10. Dd was ready to re-invent herself... helped a lot in the looking for houses and packing and such. Ds had a very best friend that he hated to leave and still reminiscences about our old town, even though he has great friends here now.

[ian'smommaya]

i just moved with teens, and can give you some really good advice. bbl with it.

[MusicianDad]

I moved a few times growing up. The hardest was probably when I was more of a pre-teen, we moved from Vancouver to middleofnowheresville. That was a big adjustment, going from the big city to a small town. We only stayed for just over a year before moving back to Metro-Vancouver though. As much as I hated the move, it ended up being a good experience.

I moved a couple of times as a teen, the first was to a neighbouring city so it wasn't far, and the second was when I moved out at 17. The latter took the longest to get used to for obvious reasons.

I think probably talking to them about the possibility is the only thing I would suggest. I do remember a friend finding out once his parents bought a new house that they were moving, but only then. He had a rought time of it because he was basically just told "this is what's happening, deal with it" instead of being able to talk through what was likely going to happen and having some input in the whole thing. Not saying you should put the whole thing on the kids, but at least having some sense that mom and dad want their opinions can have a tremendous benefit.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by ian'smommaya

i just moved with teens, and can give you some really good advice. bbl with it.

I would love that.

Thanks, everyone for your stories.

I am going to open up a dialogue soon about it.

[noinstructions]

If you're going to move, I'd recommend doing it before they start High School. We moved after my stepdaughter's freshman year, and she was quite traumatized at having to change schools.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by noinstructions

If you're going to move, I'd recommend doing it before they start High School. We moved after my stepdaughter's freshman year, and she was quite traumatized at having to change schools.

Yep, most of the "moving kids" books I read said that high school is the time NOT to move.

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

I think probably talking to them about the possibility is the only thing I would suggest. I do remember a friend finding out once his parents bought a new house that they were moving, but only then. He had a rought time of it because he was basically just told "this is what's happening, deal with it" instead of being able to talk through what was likely going to happen and having some input in the whole thing. Not saying you should put the whole thing on the kids, but at least having some sense that mom and dad want their opinions can have a tremendous benefit.

My husband would completely concur.

He'd say kids can be very understanding as long as parents are respectful of the kids feelings, take time to listen to their concerns (if there are any) and help guide them making the transition.

Dh's family moved a crazy number of times. Most of the time they had a couple months of prep time so he could get used to it. But one time was particularly poorly handled. Middle of seventh grade, he came home from school and learned they were moving. He didn't go back to school the next day, they moved the day after that. He didn't get to say goodbye to his friends, didn't get to explain anything. It was a huge painful regret. Frankly I get angry and teary-eyed for him when I think about it.

Kathy, I don't think this applies particularly to your situation! I think your kids will experience a range of emotions at the prospect of moving like that, just like you do. Your kids may think the idea is fun, frankly. They'll rise to the occasion. Just help them make proper goodbyes!