Can we talk about motherhood and activism?

[Callimom]

I would love to have a conversation about motherhood and activism, how the two intersect and feed each other (or work in opposition to each other in some ways).

Has your level of activism or your expression of it changed since you became a mother?
What about the causes that matter to you - have your children altered your priorities?
How has your activism influenced the way you parent and educate your kids?
To what degree do you integrate your kids into your activism? Are you an activist family? Do you take them to protests or encourage them to speak out? Where do you think the balance is between educating and empowering them and overwhelming them?

I have been feeling the world shifting under my feet and opening up in new ways for me - driven in part by or because of my children. And I would really like to explore this with others who are in the same kind role or alternately who have been active in the past and are setting that aside as their children take more time, energy and attention.
I will post more about my own experiences in a follow up post.

thanks!
Karen

[jessaroo]

how to activate

What sorts of things to mama's incorporate into their routine to be active??

I am a stay at home mom (also in school). I am looking for better ways to incorporate activism/volunteering into my days. I need to start simple.

Are there any websites that would help facilitate this?

Thanks

[Callimom]

Hi jessaroo

There are quite a few websites. I guess it would depend on where your passions lie. What kinds of things interest you or your kids? I have some resources listed on my blog.

As a family (my kids are 6, 8, 8, and 11) we have volunteered in a number of ways - at the food bank, packing boxes and hampers for Christmas distribution, planting trees and doing river clean ups, at seniors centres, for an environmental cause we love, doing a food program for women with physical challenges, at an animal sanctuary.

We've done fundraising for a variety of causes - most recently my kids raised money for Haiti relief (and are still passionately working on that) but we have done it for old growth forests, an animal shelter, Roots and Shoots, etc.

From an activism standpoint we've done a Kids for Peace group and a Roots and Shoots group over the years. We've done a few marches/protests with them and they are all pretty passionate letter writers.

We homeschool so much of this is woven into our day and into the lessons I want to teach my kids.

How old are your kids?
Karen

[Comtessa]

I was just thinking about this recently - I actually wrote an article on this topic not too long ago for our community newspaper. PM me if you'd like me to email you a copy!

I've always been a pretty radical activist - lots of direct action and protest, done jail time for nonviolent civil disobedience, etc. DH is less into that side of things, but prefers to do a lot of volunteering as his form of activism. We met at a soup kitchen where we both volunteered. So it's important to us to bring those shared values into the center of our family life. On the other hand, I am really aware of wanting to protect my child's space and allow her room to grow without hitting her over the head with big overwhelming social/environmental issues before she has the maturity to handle them. (I just read a book called Simplicity Parenting that talks a lot about this... a great read, I highly recommend it.)

We do what we can when we can, and we spend a lot of time acknowledging our commitment to various causes and projects that we want to give more time to once we are able. For example: I used to participate in a direct-action protest every year, but can't risk jailtime with a nursling, so for now I help by writing the press release and painting the banners. Same commitment, different expression of it. The soup kitchen is an important ministry for us, but it's a volatile environment and I can't bring DD into a potentially violent situation, so DH and I take turns volunteering or caring for DD.

As she gets bigger, I want her experience with our activism to be a matter of course - protests, vigils, lectures, etc. - and more importantly, I want to ensure that she grows up with close relationships that explain and give life to that activism. ("Why are we going to City Hall to fight with the mayor about the new law against sleeping on the sidewalks? Because your friends Joe and Patrick and Marty that you play cards with on Fridays all sleep on the sidewalks at night, and we care about them.")

[VisionaryMom]

subbing - have to get to dinner

also wanted to say check out The Maternal is Political. I find the essays powerful and inspiring.

[proudmamanow]

subbing also. I struggle with this issue constantly, as I feel just as inspired about issues, but generally find my overall level of exhaustion & stress with young kids saps my energy to be involved, kwim? I also struggle with sharing things I really care about without scaring & overwhelming my sensitive little ones.

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by proudmamanow

subbing also. I struggle with this issue constantly, as I feel just as inspired about issues, but generally find my overall level of exhaustion & stress with young kids saps my energy to be involved, kwim? I also struggle with sharing things I really care about without scaring & overwhelming my sensitive little ones.

I think overwhelming kids is a huge issue and it is one I struggle with a lot.
I have 4 all with different levels of sensitivity.

Our approach has been to shield them from media images and talk to them in general terms about what is happening (for example with the Haiti earthquake) with the focus on what we can do. I think the key is to keep it positive and local.

I've avoided exposing them to some issues that I would otherwise help with - mostly related to violence against women, or on the seriously depressing aspects of some of the issues we are involved in (like environmental and peace).

Because we homeschool I think it is a bit easier to filter some of the mass media influences than it would be if we didn't - mostly because we hang out with people who share our views about media exposure for younger kids.

I would love to hear what other people do.
Karen

[MariaMadly]

My DCs were / are in public school so I've been involved in that all the way down the line, sometimes as the crunchiest voice in the room. I'd be the one advocating alternatives to reward / punishment or competition. It kind of started as a form of emotional activism in an effort to build a more just life than DH and I were given.

As a family, we're more behind the scenes. We try to live a routine that respects our impact on those vulnerable to us. This includes personal decisions about transportation, consumption, etc. I'm on a couple of committees that deal with education, community, and social justice issues, and am often able to make a richer contribution for adding my kids' thoughts and perspectives to my work.

The kids (17 and 20) don't and didn't participate directly much, though one of them has enriched meetings and helped give a face and voice to a viewpoint, and I have often sought their opinions and experiences to help inform my efforts. We never really controlled their exposure to the news or issues. We always included them in our charitable giving decisions.

While we never filter information, we have always tried to respect their age and temperament. Still, they know (and did from an early age) exactly why we don't buy some things or shop at some stores. They knew from the time they could understand the concepts involved that in a pick-8-of-12 list of donor recipients, the DV shelter absolutely has to stay on there. And why.

Short answer: becoming a mother has made activism more important every year.

This is such a great topic -- thanks for raising it!

[jenneology]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

Has your level of activism or your expression of it changed since you became a mother?

The intensity of my activism has definitely increased as I've become more aware of some of the dangers threatening families. Before becoming a mother, I was advocating for efforts to strengthen and promote emotionally healthy families through family life education. I still feel that is important, but I'm feeling a more immediate threat to my family from maternity care services and other health care issues, food production, and environmental contaminants/toxic load.

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

What about the causes that matter to you - have your children altered your priorities?

Family friendly public policy and regulations that protect families from unchecked capitalism are the causes that matter most now: access to supportive and cooperative homebirth services, paid family leave, universal health care, subsidies for at home mothers, banning/reducing environmental contaminants from food, toys, household materials, and communities.

Feeling powerless to protect my children from the detrimental effects of these things has magnified my desire to advocate for change. Some of this I hadn't known about before having children and others it became concrete when before it has been abstract.

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

How has your activism influenced the way you parent and educate your kids?

Most specifically, my activism led me to UC with my baby and to askew the hospital birth system. Mainly this question doesn't apply just get because my oldest is three. We have had some brief conversations about unseen dangers in our environment and food/toys that are "bad for our bodies." As they get older and begin to question some of our practices, I will be careful to explain things in ways they can understand.

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

To what degree do you integrate your kids into your activism?

Often there is a child on my lap, on my back or in my arms as I do the majority of my activism. At this point, most of my efforts are using the internet and by phone.

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

Are you an activist family? Do you take them to protests or encourage them to speak out?

I haven't yet, but I have been considering taking them to the state capitol for rallies sponsored by organizations like MomsRising and Child Alliance. It just a matter of waking up early, packing the kids into the car and driving there.

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

Where do you think the balance is between educating and empowering them and overwhelming them?

Yes, I fear that my children will grow up distrusting and cynical because they will respond like I do sometimes and be overwhelmed at all the injustice and danger in the world. I frequently have to remind myself, so I will most definitely need to teach them that "In spite of all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, the world is still a beautiful place. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." (the Desiderata)

In fact, that is almost word for word a facebook status I posted last week.

[MittensKittens]

I belong here. I am really happy to see a thread like this, in fact, because it is an issue I have been struggling with a lot lately. I have seen Comtessa's siggy around a few times, and I always think - yeah, I know how you feel! First and foremost, motherhood has made me more of a coward. Like you, Comtessa, I have also done jail time for non-violent civil disobedience. My first demonstration was when I was 14, and since then I have been involved in countless campaigns and movements, including a few years as chairperson for a peace movement while I was a student. I used to be passionate and fearless. Now I am still passionate, but definitely not fearless any more . I am a single mom by choice, and therefore, my kids' sole care giver. They are three and a half and one years old now, and since I became a mom, my only activism has been simply being me, which has been tricky enough . Most notably I UC-ed in a country homebirth is not just rare but in fact unheard of, and then had a six-month bureaucratic battle to get my son's birth registered. As time goes on, I miss my activist days and hope that activism and politics is not in the past for me.

Has your level of activism or your expression of it changed since you became a mother?

Yes, I stepped away from political involvement altogether. Part due to practical reasons, part due to the need to protect my family. When my DD was really small, I did attend meetings and rallies, but as she got mobile I found it to be impossible to continue.

What about the causes that matter to you - have your children altered your priorities?

Absolutely. If such a thing is possible, motherhood has made me even more of a radical feminist. I was never aware of the numerous issues around reproductive rights, and birth rights in particular. Homebirth, lactivism, the right to personal choice when it comes to vaxing and child rearing in general - those were things that never even hit my radar before, and it was not until I became a mom that I even knew how much work remains to be done surrounding all of the above, particularly here, where I live (we are expats). Now that I have children, I do feel more of a burning need for change than ever before.

How has your activism influenced the way you parent and educate your kids?

They are too young for this to really come up now, though I am certain that, if nothing else, I will instil the right to freedom of choice in any matter into my kids.


I am hoping to hear from other moms how they do things. I've been working on a book, which I am hoping to publish soon, but I feel front line activities are beyond my reach now, which makes me really sad. If you manage to do anything active, what is that, and HOW do you do it?

[jenneology]

Originally Posted by MittensKittens

If such a thing is possible, motherhood has made me even more of a radical feminist. I was never aware of the numerous issues around reproductive rights, and birth rights in particular. Homebirth, lactivism, the right to personal choice when it comes to vaxing and child rearing in general - those were things that never even hit my radar before, and it was not until I became a mom that I even knew how much work remains to be done surrounding all of the above

[jessaroo]

My children are ages 6 and 1. Before my oldest was born I was very active-political activism was a huge part of my life. When my oldest was born I started to find ways to be active as a mom. I became part of Mothers Acting Up and help organize a Mother's Day parade. When my daughter was 2 we started working in the Food Bank's garden.

Now, I am working my way through school and I feel disconnected from action. I listen to NPR for news and have not been finding the news I receive there useful-it seems more fluffy these days.

WHat news sources/publications do you rely on?

After my most recent birth I have been trying to find ways to be active in making change within the hospital birthing system. THere is an interesting initiative here: http://www.motherfriendly.org/

[Comtessa]

MittensKittens, you're exactly right - before I became a mom I was only peripherally aware of the crying need for activism in the world of parenting - especially the way that birthing women are treated in so many parts of the world.

While my level of activism has certainly shifted, as I said earlier, it's also interesting how my perspective has shifted since my daughter was born. I've noticed that in my increasingly vocal advocacy work around parenting issues (vaxing, lactivism, choice in place/style of birth, etc.), I've found a much broader, more diverse activist community than I've experienced in other "fields" of activist work. Being a parent is an experience that humbles all human beings alike! And the people working on parenting issues come from such a diverse array of life experiences and backgrounds. I love it, and I'm finding that common thread to be an exciting starting point to encourage people into other kinds of activism too.

The hardest thing for me is having to say no to certain kinds of activities because it isn't safe for the baby to participate. I never worried much about my own physical well-being, but I'm just not willing to take the same kind of risks on behalf of my daughter as I was willing to take on behalf of my own self. I feel an awful lot more cautious these days. And I suddenly understand why so few people put themselves out there in the way that I'd like them to -- because when you have a family, the stakes are suddenly much too high. I feel much more empathy for others than I used to - but I'm also continually frustrated at how little I'm able to do these days.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by MittensKittens

I am hoping to hear from other moms how they do things. I've been working on a book, which I am hoping to publish soon, but I feel front line activities are beyond my reach now, which makes me really sad. If you manage to do anything active, what is that, and HOW do you do it?

I also use my writing as more of a tool than I did before kids.

As far as active work, DC are 3 and 5. We're just now getting back into really active things. When DS was about 18 months old, he projectile vomited at a political speech we were attending, and DH wanted to ban all political events for years!

Now, I volunteer at a women's transitional center usually 1-2 shifts per month. I do a good bit of overnight volunteering, so I don't leave until DC are in bed (though DS does sometimes spend the night with me). If I volunteer for a 5-9 PM shift, the whole family usually goes. This is a low-key house with women whose primary issue is homelessness. I've yet to take them to the soup kitchen because I know there can be scarier images there.

We donate items pretty frequently, and DC help with picking those out and delivering them. As of yet, we haven't asked them about monetary donations.

I serve on the board of our local walk/bike organization, and the kids come to some meetings. Most of my work there deals with the community development side, so they are involved in our activities - community walks and things like that.

Right now I'm heading up a group trying to increase opportunities and exposure for all types of artists in our area. I don't know what all we'll be doing, and it's definitely not radical, but it's important for me right now.

Our other work is quieter. DH typically volunteers to help with any computer/networking issues for groups. He does manual labor @ the women's shelter, that sort of thing.

We've taken the kids to a few rallies. Last year, they were in 3 local newspapers holding signs against a bill that would ban all single-parent adoptions or fostering in our state. We got some flak online for that, but they did understand the issue. I wouldn't force signs on them if they couldn't understand them.

The only thing that has dropped from what I do is anti-death penalty activism. I used to be involved heavily and saw some amazing strides in my state. It's just one place I haven't wanted to bring DC yet.

As far as things how mothering has changed me. First, I have scaled back on the controversial things I do. I'm willing to have a hearty debate now, but I'm not so much into the more radical things I did. For starters, as others have said, putting my children at risk isn't a choice I want to make for them.

Arts advocacy also has become more important to me. My son shows all of the early signs of a career in the arts. I'm a writer, but I have the luxury of a spouse who earns enough to support us without my income. I also do corporate writing for pay. I want my children to live in a world where art is more valued, though, so I've started working to improve the arts in our area.

I also consider parents now when I didn't before. When we plan events, I'm the annoying person who's always asking about childcare or arguing for a time that makes more sense for parents. From an intellectual perspective, I think more about parenting-related policy issues, such as children's healthcare and affordable, quality childcare than I did before I had kids.

[jenneology]

Originally Posted by jessaroo

WHat news sources/publications do you rely on?

After my most recent birth I have been trying to find ways to be active in making change within the hospital birthing system. THere is an interesting initiative here: http://www.motherfriendly.org/

This is the organization that I work with! CIMS (the Coalition for Improving Maternity Services) is the parent organization and they are doing a lot of good work.

The project that I'm working on now is The Birth Survey (see my sig). The Mother Friendly Initiative is a really good rallying point for birth activists. Individuals, organizations, chapters, etc can endorse it and then present the initiative and endorsements to local hospitals. I would like to be involved and and see other groups of women and communities actively ask hospitals to align their policies with The Mother Friendly Childbirth Initiative and the Baby Friendly Initiative.

In the birth world, I rely on bloggers for news. Unneccesarean, Stand and Deliver and Birth Activist are the ones I rely on most. Newsletters from CIMS, and other birth organizations like Childbirth Connections are really helpful as well.

I also follow the organization MomsRising pretty closely because they are really good at staying current on issues and policies that impact families. Their activism alerts are timely, convenient and effective in engaging busy moms.

Another thing I do is subscribe to the legislative digest for my state legislature in the areas that I'm interested in. I get a list of bills with their descriptions and history in my inbox. I skim them and keep track of the ones I'm interested. That way, I can write to my legislators about the topics I feel strongly about. Sometimes its just a quick note of "I support this, I hope you do too."

[momoftworedheads]

Before I had children, I was pretty much an activist on health issues and homelessness. I volunteered with an AIDS organization and was an advocate for homeless people and families. Then I had children and got involved with a breastfeeding group, still involved with Women's health, but then got more involved locally at the political level. I also got involved with a soccer club as a board member, which also gave me connections politically in my community. Then two of my children were diagnosed with Developmental disabilities so I became involved with Autism activism and special education. We have been to Harrisburg to lobby, my children have been to rallies for education, childbirth access, and issues surrounding our state budget crisis. We also volunteer at Holiday time by buying gifts for children and giving them to toys for tots. We also give food and clothing to a local food cupboard in our neighborhood.

I think that having children shaped the issues we have become active and stay involved with. I still consider myself a lactivist, even though I do not actively volunteer for the group I used to. We are very much involved at the community level as far as Autism and education goes. I would like to become a lobbyist someday but right now my boys are young.

Take care!
Jen

[wrenbrrd]

Thank you!!!!!

I haven't been on this site in ages, but I surfed on in when I put in search engine words like "single mom" and "direct action" and "activist." I feel bereft. I live in an ultra-conservative, mainstream place, full of rich, two-parent home yuppies . . . far, far away (both in time & space) from my dear friends back on the west coast & the activism I did there. I think about my activist days then & I think about my parenthood days now (both 24/7 positions) &, though I love my son dearly, I want to kick myself. I am SO not a mother. I don't know WHAT I was thinking. And yet, I know that's really mean & unfair, both to my son & to myself. I'm glad there are other moms here who know what I mean . . . cuz sometimes, I feel like the only one around. Wish you all lived closer by.

Love,
the agnostic, anarcho-primitivist, non-anthropocentrist

[monkey's mom]

subbing

I'm knee deep in grassroots organizing right now.

As a mother it's all very difficult.

Balancing the conference calls, the meetings, the media interviews and the dishes, laundry, and setting up a Lego city with the kids is a real challenge.

My kids know a great deal about what our particular activism involves. They've attended our local meetings and been around a lot of get togethers and meetings at our house. They have been cared for by other activists while we attend local hearings and political meetings. We've travelled to speaking events at small, very safe venues together. They've helped deliver signs and info after I've gone door-to-door in the community. The vast majority of that has been very rewarding for them, though I know for a while they were not feeling all the time we spent out of the house or when I was otherwise engaged on the phone/computer.

Pretty much the whole reason I got involved in this activism was because of my kids. Their future, health, and safety are paramount. And the pollution our family would experience--living a few miles from this project--would be devestating to their health.

Rallies and even local events where my kids might be at risk or just exposed to some of the opposition's players do not work for me. Getting arrested is definitely not an option for me, either.

We've been fortunate that we've not had to deal with some of the threats and violence other people in other communities have dealt with in my shoes. But I don't rule it out, and I make sure my kids are close and safe.

I think this activism will be really good for them in the long run. They've met some amazing people. They see us fighting for and working for what's right. They understand how a couple of people can make a big difference in a community or on an issue....and that's pretty cool.

[jenneology]

Monkey's mom, what are you advocating for/against? I'd love to hear about your efforts.

[monkey's mom]

Originally Posted by jenneology

Monkey's mom, what are you advocating for/against? I'd love to hear about your efforts.

Fighting a coal-fired power plant proposed for our community (poor, minority) to send electricity elsewhere (rich, white community). It's been interesting!

The company just announced they are delaying the project for a year or two, so we are feeling hopeful (and using the time to generate more opposition ).