vent...Sick of my mother criticizing my parenting

[TXmom2]

:mods, feel free to move this to where it belongs:

I am so sick of my mother's comments

My 6 mo. old is BF and just starting to try foods.
-When I start to nurse DD, she says that I need to "feed that baby" (uh, I AM!) she has done this since DD was 4 weeks old!
-DD cries and she says "somebody's spoiled"
-DD isn't in bed at 8pm, she says "somebody's got her days and nights mixed up" grrr..DD is on a schedule that works for us! She sleeps from around midnight to 10am. DH doesn't get home til late (@7:30) and this way he can spend time with DD
-DD gets hungry when we are out in public and when I get ready to nurse her, she says "somebody needs to get used to bottles" WHY?
this is just a few of the more common comments, there are many more...

Regarding my oldest (14 yr old, DS)
-He gets in trouble and I take away his priviledges, she says "why are you so hard on him?" (Uh, he snuck into a vacant house and lied to the police!)
-DS's "father" doesn't get him for his scheduled weekend, she says I "need to quit being such a pushover" (uh, I can't force him to to take him AND I'm not going to)

Sorry to vent here but I didn't have anywhere else to take this, and it's seriously ticking me off!!

Anyone have any grand ideas for how I can handle it or what I can say?

[PuppyFluffer]

"Mom, I love you dearly and would really enjoy spending time with you but I am having trouble with your lack of respect for my parenting decisions. I'm happy to have a conversation about how and why I have made the choices I have. Beyond that conversation, I wish you to stop the snide comments. Until you are will commit to do so, I won't be available."

It can be that easy.

[artgoddess]

"Some body needs to stop being so critical of my parenting choices." and give a long hard cool stare.

[~Boudicca~]

Originally Posted by artgoddess

"Some body needs to stop being so critical of my parenting choices." and give a long hard cool stare.

I like this!

[PuppyFluffer]

I like it too. Nice and to the point!

[ewe+lamb]

me too, great resonse!!

[Trinitty]

"Mom, I realise that you love (the children) and want to help, but your constant snide and snarky observations are really corrosive, and until you agree to stop doing this, I can't be around you."

Trin.

[mamazee]

Wow! We have the same mom! I didn't know I had a sister at MDC. LOL.

Anyway, I have told my mom to lay off or I'm going to leave, and I have walked right out the door a few times. She is pretty darn careful 99% of the time now, though she occasionally still lets a whopper out. The key is to stand up for yourself ("I won't allow you to undermine me or talk like that to me or my children.") and then follow through ("If you keep it up, I will leave." And then leave.)

[Gentle~Mommy :)]

I feel for you, does mom live with your? can you not see her so much?

[TulsiLeaf]

Originally Posted by artgoddess

"Some body needs to stop being so critical of my parenting choices." and give a long hard cool stare.

That honestly is the perfect solution.


Because honestly it's not about the children. I found with my own mother that it wasn't that she thought I was doing bad, it's that she wasn't over the fact that she wasn't "MUMMY" anymore. That someone else was making the decisions for her and she had to take a step back and realize that she wasn't the mother. And if she is anything like my mother, what they did was right. It worked for her kids, so that must mean it is r ight for everyone. So when you are not doing what she thinks is best, you are essentially saying that she was a crap mother and didn't do anything right.


Yea, it took us 3 years to get over that last one.

[TXmom2]

Originally Posted by artgoddess

"Some body needs to stop being so critical of my parenting choices." and give a long hard cool stare.

I really like this one too

Originally Posted by Trinitty

"Mom, I realise that you love (the children) and want to help, but your constant snide and snarky observations are really corrosive, and until you agree to stop doing this, I can't be around you."

Trin.

I'd like to try this too if the first one doesn't work

Originally Posted by mamazee

Wow! We have the same mom! I didn't know I had a sister at MDC. LOL.

Anyway, I have told my mom to lay off or I'm going to leave, and I have walked right out the door a few times. She is pretty darn careful 99% of the time now, though she occasionally still lets a whopper out. The key is to stand up for yourself ("I won't allow you to undermine me or talk like that to me or my children.") and then follow through ("If you keep it up, I will leave." And then leave.)

lol..yep, what a mom

Originally Posted by Gentle~Mommy :)

I feel for you, does mom live with your? can you not see her so much?

Nope, she doesn't live with us (I'd go CRAZY) I already limit the time because of this. She has always been critical of me...my hair, my style, my weight...there is always something for her to critique

Originally Posted by TulsiLeaf

That honestly is the perfect solution.


Because honestly it's not about the children. I found with my own mother that it wasn't that she thought I was doing bad, it's that she wasn't over the fact that she wasn't "MUMMY" anymore. That someone else was making the decisions for her and she had to take a step back and realize that she wasn't the mother. And if she is anything like my mother, what they did was right. It worked for her kids, so that must mean it is r ight for everyone. So when you are not doing what she thinks is best, you are essentially saying that she was a crap mother and didn't do anything right.


Yea, it took us 3 years to get over that last one.

I don't know with my mother. Like I said, she is just a critical person and ALWAYS finds something to comment on. You know the old "we put cereal in your bottles when you were 4 wks old to get you to sleep" type things. I try to remind her that that was almost 40 years ago! And my baby IS sleeping through the night just fine I think she's just the type of person that feels the need to criticize no matter what the situation. It just makes it really hard to spend time with her

[lynsage]

Originally Posted by mamazee

The key is to stand up for yourself ("I won't allow you to undermine me or talk like that to me or my children.") and then follow through ("If you keep it up, I will leave." And then leave.)

[*bejeweled*]

I'd say, "I feel good about the decisions I'm making." Over and over the SAME thing 'til she gets it.

"I feel good about the decisions I'm making." "I feel good about the decisions I'm making.""I feel good about the decisions I'm making.""I feel good about the decisions I'm making."

[2lilsweetfoxes]

I'm sorry.

I've seen in some families there is almost a "skip": baby is pretty much raised by grandma, mom really gets very little say and so she looks forward to her daughter having a baby so that she can raise a baby. Uh, oh, my daughter wants to care for her own baby? Can't let that happen! Undermine her and her confidence!!! So that she comes crawling back to mama for her advice and "help".

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by artgoddess

"Some body needs to stop being so critical of my parenting choices." and give a long hard cool stare.

I adore this response.

Say it, let it sink in, and then say something like, "No, seriously. I love you, but the little comments need to stop. I am NOT doing what I'm doing because I don't know any better. I am doing what I am doing because I feel that it's what's best for my kid. Please respect my choices as a parent and get back to the fun of being a grandparent."