4 y.o. NEVER hungry, 35 lbs.

[eko_mom]

I'm at the end of my rope. She will only eat a handful of things, and that changes. One day beans are o.k., the next, not. One day yogurt o.k., next not. She is still nursing 2-3x a day but that's not enough to keep her from being hungry is it? We had issues with colic and intolerances in the beginning, but recently did an elimination diet and she seemed o.k. with all the reintroductions...I don't know if there is something else I should do, but it doesn't seem possible she's getting enough calories, unless of course, it contains sugar or chocolate, then she's all over it. But we don't do a lot of that. I'm wondering if getting the calories in is more important or not allowing her to eat too much sugar is more important. It seems like if I say not to nursing or treats, she just says, "fine" I won't eat anything then.

My worries are all exacerbated by the fact that her 8 mo. old brother eats anything and weighs 25+lbs.

[KatWrangler]

Cut out the treats. Don't believe her threats. She WILLL eat!

We were told by the Nutritionist at a Children's Hospital in order to gain weight, limit in between eating. By doing this they will eat more calories with their three meals. To lose weight smaller more frequent meals (grazing) are needed.

My son will be 6 next month and barely weighs 35 pounds. My daughter will be 4 and weighs about 25 pounds. It is a constant struggle to get them to gain weight.

[Llyra]

My five year old is only 40 pounds, and she's unusually tall for her age, and in a high weight percentile. 35 pounds seems like a healthy weight to me, for a 4 year old.

If kids ate as much as we think they should, they'd be overweight. You can't compare her to her brother, either-- infants that age have big appetites, because they're growing so fast, and they are often chubby, because they aren't walking and running yet. It's normal and healthy for the weight to come off as they grow into preschoolers, and for their appetite to decrease sharply. Kids start to grow much more slowly, and they really do need a lot less food.

And when we make them not eating into an issue, it leads to problems in our relationship with them, and potential long-term food issues. It really is okay to leave her be, and let her appetite guide her. Don't offer junk. Just keep it out of the house, so it's not an option. Don't allow more than one cup of juice a day, and make it a nutrient-dense juice like orange. Too much juice adds almost nothing nutritionally, but fills kids up so that they aren't hungry.

After that, just fix a balanced meal, with protein, healthy fats, and vegetables or fruit, at reasonable times, and serve it. Eat it and enjoy it yourself. If she wants some, that's fine. If not, let that be fine, too. Don't beg, or bribe, or follow her around offering bites, or offer more than one healthy alternative. Similarly, don't praise her for eating more. Put your praise and criticism into teaching pleasant behavior at the table, and let the actual eating be entirely up to her. When you offer snacks, offer them at least an hour to two hours before a meal, and let them be snacks high in protein and low in sugar and white flour.

Offer food about six times a day, at pretty predictable internals-- three meals and three smaller snacks.

In between meals and snacks, offer only water or breastmilk.

She may declare she she's gonna DIE if she doesn't get whatever treat she's begging for, but she won't. And you may look at her intake over a day or two and feel alarmed that she's going to starve. She won't. My DD, the 40 pound one, eats maybe a tablespoon's worth of food some days, and clearly she's thriving.

And if you're consistent about all this, she will eat when she's hungry, and not eat when she's not hungry.

A healthy neurotypical child offered reasonable food choices at regular intervals will eat just exactly what her body needs, assuming that potentially addictive foods like sugar and processed starch are being limited.

[425lisamarie]

I agree wtih the two other wise mamas. I used to think "oh let them eat every time they want" so long as it's decent, etc. Well, enter my DD who humbled me and knocked me off my high horse

DS was the perfect child in terms of diet and everything else. He ate whatever I made at meal times/snacks. DD would live on white toast with butter, bottles and chocolate LOL.

I am not super strict but I'm also not going to "let" them eat however they want. Kids don't always know what is best for them which is why they need help. My DS is almost 6, and seriously can self regulate even sweets, but not always, and it's because we have healthy habbits and I teach them the why's and how's about what we eat. And disclaimer: I am not implying all kids will be this easy, nor am I suggesting you didn't do a good enough job if your 6 year old can't make the right choices...just giving my story....

We eat breafast lunch and dinner together, and i give snacks as needed. DS is like me, eats 2 or 3 times bigger meals, and DD NEEDS to snack. I don't give snacks while i'm making dinner. We have a later shcedule than most, homeschooling allowing so we don't get up as early, and eat dinner at 7. I always toss the salad or have a veggie ready a little early incase kitchen nibbblers come to help, it gives an extra something healthy. They love to set the table, and I let them do it with whatever/however t hey want. Since stocking more tablecloths (all washable, nothing too spendy or fancy) and creative dishes they enjoy dinner time because they get to make the table setting.

I DO NOT keep an open pantry system! The chips/sweets are separate not visible for DD's sake, and we prepare most everything we need to eat. I keep cheese chunks, veggie sticks and yogurt that is available on their own, and always have homemade snack bars that are good for you. DS is 6, and likes to help prepare his meals, and DD likes to help with hers too, and this helps a lot.

We talk about meals together. I ask everyone sundays about what they'd like to have during the week, and I incorporate something everyone really loves every meal that I know. If DD is on a pasta kick, I make a TINY amound of a dish and then she can have more of something else.

Avocado chocolate pudding and smoothies with cooked carrots/squash are a couple favorites of my DD.

I try to be as gentle as possible with the let downs. I just cannot see them going through the weight problem I once had. Just because they are thin now, it doesn't mean a junk diet is gonna work in the long run, and it's hard to change habbits later.

I have become really passionate about kids fitness/eating. I even know moms who are obsessed with workout and staying healthy and make fabulous food for themselves and feed their kids fast food junk.

Like i said I used to be on a pedestal big time. SOme people still are. That or they'd rather give in to every single whim and never ever have an upset child so they convince themselves it's for the greater good to make the same three things time and time again and be a short order cook all day and night. And I DO do that to a certain extent...the short order cook part, but it's cause i like to cook and they usually ask for something interesting and i don't mind making. Dinner is another story and like I said dinner is dinner! Especially since we know ahead of time what's on the menu. I also am pretty good at making things different ways and don't mind. If i'm making meatloaf which we all love, or a shepherds pie, I make meatballs for DD out of the same thing and give her a SIDE of potatoes and make her shep pie filling look like soup with a little scoop of shell noodles. Happy camper and everyone is eating basically the same thing

boy this became long winded LOL.....just random ideas here

[deditus]

Great info here that echoes previous posters:

https://ellynsatter.com/children.jsp

[LionTigerBear]

I think her weight seems normal and fine for her age.

I would cut out all sugar and chocolate, though, except on holidays/celebrations. That's what we've had to do-- my children also had and have various intolerances (and colic) and they just do not do well on sugar. They get sugar-addicted very very easily. So we do no sweets. In fact, even fruits and honey are very rare treats around here. Because otherwise the kids wouldn't eat anyhting that isn't sweet. With the sweets completely out of their diet they gradually start to eat more and more variety of healthy stuff and they grow faster and seem sharper mentally-- and their behavior improves. Oh and they sleep better. Basically life is all around better! But I can't eat sweets in front of them so DH and I have to follow the same diet when we are around them. A little hard but good for us, too!

[caiesmommy]

My ds is 3.5 and about 29lbs. My dd is 12 months and 17lbs.

Grazing can be a major problem...I would stick to 3 meals and two snacks at set times. And my ds went through the "I dont like it" stage..still does somewhat, BUT I just got fed up making a different meal for him. So at every meal I make sure there is something that he really likes and other things...If he wants more of what he loves then he has to eat at least some of what ever else is on his plate. He loves tofu..well if he wants tofu then he has to eat some of his rice and his veggies...sometimes it is a battle but otherwise its ok

It also helps when ds "chooses" what were having. Ill go in the fridge with him and say we need TWO vegetables for dinner what would you like...same at the grocery store, he picks 2 vegetables and a fruit...those are usually his "bribe" foods for lack of a better term

[LemonPie]

Does she *look* underweight? My 4 1/2 yo DD is about 28 lbs. But she looks healthy. She's just tiny and descends from small people.

But I feel your pain about the junk food. We have that battle here too. Sigh.

[eko_mom]

Sorry everyone for not responding to your posts. I appreciate your feedback very much. My DD looks healthy, but is small. Which, is fine with me. Its more that I am having a hard time figuring out what to feed her and making separate meals for her or ordering food that she doesn't touch at restaurants.

DH and the grandparents have all done the cajoling/bribing/praising thing about her eating. This has been a tremendous problem. I have finally, I think, put a stop to that.

Things are not a struggle EVERY meal because I started just giving or offering her foods that she will normally eat, put the plate down and stop talking about it. I stopped offering snacks in between--I was sort of on constant snack-offering mode hoping to get some calories into her. Sometimes now she won't eat breakfast at breakfast, but will eat breakfast later if it is called a snack. She will eat at meals now, most of the time, but the variety is still ridiculously slim.

I can't help but think it is related to her early intolerances and colic. I wonder what sets kids up to be so picky--and why others will eat anything. That is the way our infant son is--the disparity between the two is alarming and since she was my first, I didn't realize how difficult she has been until faced with a child that is SO much easier. We don't compare them in front of her, but its hard not to notice (even strangers are beginning to say) that our 9 month old son will soon eclipse her in weight though she's 3.5 yrs older than he.

[kyndmamaof4]

Some kids are just small. My 5 1/2 yo is smaller than my just turned 4 yo. Most people think they are twins, because DD is 1/2 inch taller than DS#3 and 1/4 lb heavier.

My DS#3 weighed 32 lbs at his last checkup a couple of months ago. He is small, but he looks well nourished. If he seems like he is running on the thinner side, I add a bit of extra butter to his food.

I think the problem with snacking in general, is that most of the time, children are offered one thing while mom/dad have a more junky option. Kids want the 'good stuff' too, but if it just isn't there,they have no option but to eat the healthy alternative, YKWIM?
I just don't buy junk

If DH wants a bag of chips, well then he can have them outside the home.

Personally, I don't care about when my kids eat, it is not a *must* that they eat dinner, etc. because they eat nutrient dense foods all day long.

Have you seen the thread about the toddler snack tray? We still use one 4 years later on a regular basis. In case not, here it is:http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=257621

Good luck! And remember, if there is no chocolate/sugar/chips in the house, your kid will *have* to pick something good for her.

[organicmidwestmama]

Originally Posted by caiesmommy

My ds is 3.5 and about 29lbs. My dd is 12 months and 17lbs.

Grazing can be a major problem...I would stick to 3 meals and two snacks at set times. ..

yup. ita. kids and adults do not benefit from constant eating imho. eating plenty at each meal with a snack or two all day should be enough. if its not eat more at each meal, and more good fats and protien. minimize any suagr, minimize sugary fruit like bananas if your child is refusing protien or veggies, etc.

[Smithie]

Lots of wise suggestions here.

My dd#1 is almost 4 and weighs about 32 lbs. She has been light all along, and I spent some time stressing over it and I am officially DONE. The only changes to routine I have made that I think were useful is to cut down on the amount of processed junk in this house -and I did that for ALL of us, not just my Skinny Minnie.

My kids have free access to a limited selection of snacks, and I serve really boring meals that cater to dd most of the time, and we are doing fine. But when I slip up and let potato chips, etc into this house, then the protein intake goes right down the tubes and I am reminded, again, to protect my child from fake food.

[karika]

I briefly skimmed the replies and I will offer a different viewpoint. I think the weight sounds fine btw. I believe children are born knowing more than adults about the true nature of reality and are thus much more in tune with their bodies. As a younger person, and even today, my body lets me know what I need in the form of a craving. I also firmly believe grazing is the natural way to eat. Setting a time for eating is strange to me. One must eat when one is hungry. I do have a few 'rules' about when my child eats as far as I make sure she doesn't eat anything in the 2 hours before bed (most of the time, sometimes if she says she is still hungry, we review what she has had during that awake cycle, and if it seems low I will offer a veg or protein), because she was having vivid dreams that scared her until I stopped her late eating. Grazing is what our bodies are designed for. Our chemistry has not changed since we were hunter-gatherers and that is why eating a handful of nuts when you want nuts, then cooking a sweet potato and having it with some fruit slices... etc is optimal for humans. We rarely have what would be considered a 'meal', maybe three times a week we have a plate with a protein, a starch and veggies, and never a thing called a 'meal time'. We eat what we want when we want it and I believe it is optimal. We juice, eat a lot of fresh fruits and veggies, nuts and seeds. We still eat meat, though I love the idea of being vegan I have not yet gained the knowledge and fortitude to move that way. You mentioned you had done the elimination diet. I wonder how long you did it? It takes 6 mo to a year for the gluten to leave the body. Most ppl that are intolerant of gluten are picky eaters. Is her bowel health good? I would highly recommend going totally natural/organic, cutting out all chemicals and GMOs and switching to a gluten free/ casein free/ soy free/ corn free diet. It really works wonders and has opened up my food choices tremendously (you would think it would do the opposite). We have been on it for abt 8 wks now. dd1 showed drastic improvement from dairy removal alone (we already didn't eat food colors, preservatives, GMO (which is in everything now, most organics are relatively free of it, though a fraction of cc is allowed (but corn, soy and canola have already been compromised IMO and by studies), and ate organic... most children go through a period of withdrawal like as with a drug, because the gluten/casein/soy acts like a drug in their brain, but soon you will have a child that loves lots of different foods

[kyndmamaof4]

Originally Posted by Smithie

Lots of wise suggestions here.

My dd#1 is almost 4 and weighs about 32 lbs. She has been light all along, and I spent some time stressing over it and I am officially DONE. The only changes to routine I have made that I think were useful is to cut down on the amount of processed junk in this house -and I did that for ALL of us, not just my Skinny Minnie.

My kids have free access to a limited selection of snacks, and I serve really boring meals that cater to dd most of the time, and we are doing fine. But when I slip up and let potato chips, etc into this house, then the protein intake goes right down the tubes and I am reminded, again, to protect my child from fake food.

Originally Posted by karika

I briefly skimmed the replies and I will offer a different viewpoint. I think the weight sounds fine btw. I believe children are born knowing more than adults about the true nature of reality and are thus much more in tune with their bodies. As a younger person, and even today, my body lets me know what I need in the form of a craving. I also firmly believe grazing is the natural way to eat. Setting a time for eating is strange to me. One must eat when one is hungry. I do have a few 'rules' about when my child eats as far as I make sure she doesn't eat anything in the 2 hours before bed (most of the time, sometimes if she says she is still hungry, we review what she has had during that awake cycle, and if it seems low I will offer a veg or protein), because she was having vivid dreams that scared her until I stopped her late eating. Grazing is what our bodies are designed for. Our chemistry has not changed since we were hunter-gatherers and that is why eating a handful of nuts when you want nuts, then cooking a sweet potato and having it with some fruit slices... etc is optimal for humans. We rarely have what would be considered a 'meal', maybe three times a week we have a plate with a protein, a starch and veggies, and never a thing called a 'meal time'. We eat what we want when we want it and I believe it is optimal. We juice, eat a lot of fresh fruits and veggies, nuts and seeds. We still eat meat, though I love the idea of being vegan I have not yet gained the knowledge and fortitude to move that way. You mentioned you had done the elimination diet. I wonder how long you did it? It takes 6 mo to a year for the gluten to leave the body. Most ppl that are intolerant of gluten are picky eaters. Is her bowel health good? I would highly recommend going totally natural/organic, cutting out all chemicals and GMOs and switching to a gluten free/ casein free/ soy free/ corn free diet. It really works wonders and has opened up my food choices tremendously (you would think it would do the opposite). We have been on it for abt 8 wks now. dd1 showed drastic improvement from dairy removal alone (we already didn't eat food colors, preservatives, GMO (which is in everything now, most organics are relatively free of it, though a fraction of cc is allowed (but corn, soy and canola have already been compromised IMO and by studies), and ate organic... most children go through a period of withdrawal like as with a drug, because the gluten/casein/soy acts like a drug in their brain, but soon you will have a child that loves lots of different foods

[kyndmamaof4]

I'm on a beet kick lately I must be lacking something huh?

[claddaghmom]

My sister is 5 years old and 40lbs. She is also very tall for her age and nursed.

I think nursing just provides such a foundation that they aren't interested in 3square meals. And I think it also allows them to be picky. I mean, if you were getting a full meal, you'd only want to pick at treats or little yummy snacks here and there, right?

I remember one time my mom went on a trip and by day 3 my little sister was eating like a horse.

[eko_mom]

Karika,
Your perspective feels more natural to me in terms of eating when we are hungry and listening to that as a guide rather than arbitrary customs. DH has a "thing" about dd sitting down at the table and eating her meals. I think its important to pay attention to eating when eating, observe, savor, etc., but think its a control issue to make a little kid sit down and eat when, what and how much you think they should. So that's a battle here between dh and I.

We tried the elimination diet for 2 months. I think there is something in there with gluten and/or dairy but her bowel health seems fine. I did notice MY mental/emotional clarity was greater off those items, however...

Yet, when I don't offer her snacks all day long, she does eat more at the "meal times." So, how do you handle that--how do you eat, sit down or just grab something whenever you are hungry?

kyndmamaof4,
Yes, cut out the so-called treats for everyone. WHO bought the Nutella and Ghiradelli's brownie mix at Costco?!!! (Not me, for the record).

I get lazy...there are only a few things dd will eat--but every now and then she surprises me. So I just make the same things over and over again. How many noodles can a child eat? We are presently limited to carrots in the vegetable category.

I am just frustrated wishing she would eat more variety and the things I'm already cooking.

[karika]

Originally Posted by eko_mom

Karika,
Your perspective feels more natural to me in terms of eating when we are hungry and listening to that as a guide rather than arbitrary customs. DH has a "thing" about dd sitting down at the table and eating her meals. I think its important to pay attention to eating when eating, observe, savor, etc., but think its a control issue to make a little kid sit down and eat when, what and how much you think they should. So that's a battle here between dh and I.

We tried the elimination diet for 2 months. I think there is something in there with gluten and/or dairy but her bowel health seems fine. I did notice MY mental/emotional clarity was greater off those items, however...

Yet, when I don't offer her snacks all day long, she does eat more at the "meal times." So, how do you handle that--how do you eat, sit down or just grab something whenever you are hungry?

We no longer have a table for dining at all. We use any table we want to put our plate(s) on. We just don't have room here for a table anyway. We don't always all eat at the same times either, or sleep at the same times... for my daughter, getting her off dairy completely, no casein of any kind has helped her with meltdowns. She would cry uncontrollably for little reasons and no amount of logic could calm her, until we cut out casein. Gluten takes longer to exit the system, 6 mo to a year so I still don't know if gluten is a problem, we are committed to GF for at least 6 mo to see how we feel. I definitely feel better. And we are working on our yeast issues.... Which has led to some behaviors in my child, and me too I think. I don't offer snacks (I read this as sweets, and only homemade ones with no or little sugar) very much. Here is a typical day here-
we wake up and eat fruit could be mangos, strawberries, frozen blueberries or cherries, apples with peanut butter. We also have eggs or bacon or rice cake with peanut butter and honey, or pancakes (I make them with GF flour and almond milk that I make in the blender) I use brown rice syrup and honey instead of maple usually. (oh and pretty much everything we eat is organic or at least natural, no hfcs no food colors, preservatives, etc) Then we do some school (I homeschool) then when she says she is hungry again she can eat something already made from fridge ( I keep boiled eggs, spinach, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, applesauce in fridge) or any of the things listed above, nuts, seeds, homemade cake if I have any, or a homemade cookie (I dont use white sugar anymore either, only unrefined organic as of now, though you can make cake with applesauce). There is usually a meat dish leftover from night before, like salmon or steak. She also eats yams (with cinnamon and mimiccreme) and potatoes. I keep hot dogs (organic beef ones with no preservatives) in the freezer (we eat them with just ketchup, no buns) This usually happens 2 hours after the first food she eats. Then a few hours later, she will be hungry again and it is the same things to choose from. Her father has been home since he got laid off so I usually do fix something in the evenings lately, very simple stuff- a meat a veggie and a starch (potato or rice). I try to have the pattern be that we eat light upon awakening, then an hour later eat more, then a 2-4 hours after that eat a lot, then have more light eating after that. I have a cut off for juice, we only have water after the big eat, and if she is hungry in the evenings, I offer proteins and vegetables usually. Oh and we have a jack lalanne juicer that I use about 4 times a week, we love that. So I guess to answer your question, we just cook what we want at that time, or eat what is already cooked in fridge, or eat raw foods. I still allow one kind of chips in the house, the Kettle brand, Honey Dijon flavor... Again, I think your dd weight is fine, but that may be because my dd is 6 and weighs 44 lbs. dd2 is 16 mo and weighs 22 lbs. We are all healthy and rarely get sick, when we do it usually only lasts a day or two... this is what works for us. hth now I am hungry, lol....

[kjbrown92]

Does she sleep well at night?

[karika]

another idea

I have a small magnetic dry erase board that I write all the food that is available on. I keep it on fridge to keep people from opening the fridge to look. We just check the board and decide first...