What do you say when people ask you about weaning? - Page 2

[ASusan]

Originally Posted by ktmeyer

I always replied that the World Health Organization reccomends nursing until at least 2 years old.

Now that we're past 2...I say I want to get him through this cold/flu season.

[MountainMamaGC]

That we started weaning at 6 months and we are still slowly working on it. Technically I am still working on it at 23 months. lol.

[Kiara.I]

Originally Posted by Poodge

"Do we plan to wean at a year?, Have we started?"

"Good heavens, no! That would be *awful*! When the standard recommendation is a *minimum* of two years, how could I possibly think of weaning early? I'd be doing so much harm to my child, and raising my own risk of breast cancer!"

Okay, I wouldn't say that. But it would be fun.

I usually educate, because I am so confident that full-term breastfeeding is a Good. Idea. that I really don't give a hoot what others think. I routinely talk about how I am tandem nursing. I actually don't even get surprised looks very often. It's amazing what confidence does.

Although, yesterday I got to educate an older lady about milk in general.
Me - "Well, in bible times they certainly nursed longer, probably until about 6 or 7."
Her - "Oh yes, but now we have milk in a cup." (What, because they didn't have cups then? Oh please.)
Me - "Yes, but that's really just breastmilk from a different animal, now, isn't it?"
Her -


Her - "Oh, well, if you still have milk then."
Me - "Well, if you keep nursing you make more. Just like how cows keep making milk when you milk them!"

[organicpapayamama]

I have not read all the other posts but I wanted to share a story I heard.

A woman was nursing her child in the mall discreetly and an older woman sat next to her and started asking about her child. Of course she asked "so how long do you plan to breastfeed?" The mother looked at her and said "If you give me you number I will call you the moment we decide to stop." And with that the older nosy woman got up and left.

It honestly is no one else's concern, weather they are strangers or family. What difference does it make to them if its 2 yrs of 5 yrs? how will it impact their lives? it wont.

[SamiPolizzi]

I have a really hard time with this. I just don't want to deal with people's judgment. I usually say something along the lines of "I'm not really sure. After he's at least a year old." Which is technically true because he will be at least a year old when he weans, but hopefully he'll also be at least 2 years old.

[CheriK]

Depends on who's asking and the tone. If it seems to be really curious, I'll say we believe in child-led weaning, and explain what that means. I'm very happy to educate people!

If it's said in a tone of shocked disbelief (as in, "you're STILL nursing?!?"), then I'm more likely to be sarcastic. . . We live in a college town, so worst comes to worst, s/he can go to the local university and live at home. That usually gets either a laugh or shocks them into silence. Again, depending on the response and who it is, I might add a "seriously, most children will wean on their own around by around 3 years of age, and there are so many benefits to continuing".

I also like "Our doctor suggests breastfeeding for at least 2 years." Actually, we're lucky - our doctor DOES suggest this

And of course, once you introduce solids, weaning has begun, so it's perfectly truthful to say "We're working on it." They don't need to know that you plan on "working" for 2-3-4 years!

I got the most comments when my twins (who nursed for 5 1/2 & 6 years) were between 1-2. After that, we really didn't hear it much. I know my MIL made snotty comments, but DH always deflected those. He was usually snotty back

It makes me realize how much my community has changed from when my twins were little. I've only heard one mention of weaning in relation to my current nursling (14 months) and was so shocked that someone would even ask that I didn't even really respond. My family knows she'll nurse for as long as she needs, and my friends all either make similar choices or respect our choice. I'm very lucky!

[Emmery'sMom]

The few times I've been asked this (by someone who obviously thought we were already nursing too long at 8 months ) I've always answered that I hope to help DD avoid all the allergies her father has and the best way to do that is to nurse until 2 so that is my minimum goal, but beyond that I want her to self wean. Inevitably that leads to the "what about when she gets teeth?" horrified question, and my answer to that is "well they are called milk teeth , and if she bites we'll work through it."

[pdxmomazon]

Originally Posted by Lydiah

That we started weaning at 6 months and we are still slowly working on it. Technically I am still working on it at 23 months. lol.

That's great! I always whip out the "World Health Organizations recommends breast feeding for at least two years" thing. However, as we close in on 2, I'm scrambling to find better responses. We'll wean when we're both good and ready!

One difficult situation I recently found myself in was during a music class. My daughter wanted to nurse, I wanted her to wait until the "lullaby" part of the class (when we usually nurse) and TWO moms made comments about weaning. Since you're not supposed to chat during class, I didn't want to get into it with them, but it felt so yucky to have two moms who breast fed suggesting that we need to wean/are in the active process of weaning.

[kohlby]

"We'll figure it out when we get there," is my response.

The WHO minimum of 2 years gets translated by some people as 2 years being a max - even though it's a minimum. Seeing how I nurse far longer than 2 years, I don't want to put a year mark on it.

I found people asked a lot with my first child from the time he was 9-18 months. After that, they either assumed he wasn't nursing or they knew I was a lost cause. My in-laws freaked out when they found out I was still nursing him at 15 months. Luckily, they live far away so they had no clue how long he nursed for. He weaned a month shy of 5 years old. My second child is 4 next month and she's still nursing. Baby is 12 months old next week, and still nursing.

I don't do the "we're working on it," because DH told his parents this about co-sleeping. We weren't trying to end co-sleeping. But they kept asking and he kept telling them this. Now the in-laws think we never should have kids in our bed since it was so hard to get them out! But we didn't work on it. Or oldest stopped co-sleeping one day at 4.5 out of the blue on his own. Thier perception was that it was a struggle. I worry that if we do the working on it reason with nursing, others will get the impression that we want to be done and that nursing an older child is super hard so they should be weaned younger.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by kohlby

I don't do the "we're working on it," because DH told his parents this about co-sleeping. We weren't trying to end co-sleeping. But they kept asking and he kept telling them this. Now the in-laws think we never should have kids in our bed since it was so hard to get them out! But we didn't work on it. Or oldest stopped co-sleeping one day at 4.5 out of the blue on his own. Thier perception was that it was a struggle. I worry that if we do the working on it reason with nursing, others will get the impression that we want to be done and that nursing an older child is super hard so they should be weaned younger.

I agree with this... "we're working on it" is a good way to avoid confrontation but definitely makes it seem like you want to be done... and I'd imagine would open you up to all sorts of crazy weaning advice (hot sauce on the nipples anyone?)

I generally just say, "He's not ready to wean yet." I don't like setting a time limit on it (what happens when you reach that 2 year mark??) & I don't want to say "when he's ready" even though that's likely when we'll end up weaning!! But I still want to show that I'm respecting his needs & currently his needs are to continue nursing.

I don't understand the obsession with weaning. Why do they care? Well except with my parents & in-laws, they want me to wean so they can baby-sit DS all by themselves.

[aylaanne]

Originally Posted by Kiara.I

"Good heavens, no! That would be *awful*! When the standard recommendation is a *minimum* of two years, how could I possibly think of weaning early? I'd be doing so much harm to my child, and raising my own risk of breast cancer!"

I have said this. I get a lot of weaning comments now that DS is over 2 and I've got another on the way. Sometimes I take the time to educate, other times I just act horrified, but most of the time I play dumb:

"Why would I want to do that? He's nowhere NEAR ready!"

Usually people have a horror story about a child with bad manners who would go up to their mother and lift up her shirt without asking, in public, interrupting the conversation. Then I tell them that I set limits, and that DS is NOT allowed to touch anyone's body without permission, including mine. Sometimes I say no, just like I would say no to another piece of candy, or reading a story if I'm busy doing something else, or going outside without your hat on. In that way, we're "weaning."

[possum]

Originally Posted by KristyDi

I got this question a lot leading up to and around a year but it's slacked off since.

Yeh, this was the case for us too. Honestly, I had pre-educated most of our family, so they didn't ask. My GMIL was a bit pushy about her weaning experiences when my son was nearing a year and wanted to know when we would wean, but, I tell you, she hasn't said one thing TO ME about it since his first birthday. He is now almost three and loves to nurse.
Honestly, I think most of our family doesn't really get it, but they have come to terms with it and mind their own bees wax about it. Pretty much they've just decided we are completely nuts, and there's probably no hope for us .

People will stop asking.

[lisavark]

I pull out all the statistics I can think of off the top of my head, no matter who's asking.

"Well, the WHO recommends nursing till a minimum of age two, so I've always planned on going longer than that. And the average age of weaning worldwide is more like 3 or 4. And you know the biological age of weaning is probably between ages 5 and 7, based on developmental milestones compared to other mammals. And DD will continue to get immunological benefits from breastmilk for as long as I nurse her. And I definitely wouldn't want to handle two year old tantrums without being able to nurse her--it's a cure-all."

--all said as fast as possible. If they seem intrigued and not too overwhelmed, then I keep going.

I did this once to my friend's FIL--he was speechless and hasn't given my friend a hard time about nursing since.

[trustedinstincts]

Originally Posted by Lydiah

That we started weaning at 6 months and we are still slowly working on it. Technically I am still working on it at 23 months. lol.

I like that one...
I usually say "Why, when we are both so happy with it?"