Is there a difference? (CIO and crying while Cosleeping)

[tykys]

I love cosleeping with my 3 1/2 mo. old DS. But I find that as he is getting heavier I simply cannot sleep holding him in the crook of my arm. The problem is, he HAS to be held to sleep and more often than not has to be attached to my breast. (75% of the night I would say he is attached). If I try to slide my arm out from under him he wakes up. Occasionally he will sleep on my chest, but that is hit or miss. Simply put, he has to be touching me. My sleep deprivation is starting to affect every aspect of my life. I'm grumpier with my 5 year old, which I feel terrible about. I'm snappy with my husband. I can't get as many chores done, I have headaches, and I feel like I'm starting to get PPD (something I had SEVERELY with DD and I have been doing so great with DS until now). And on top of all of this I am probably going back to work sometime in the next 4 months. I do not want to CIO, it breaks my heart. My DH suggested still cosleeping but laying him next to me after he nurses, and when he starts to stir (which will be immediately) to let him cry. During this I would be touching his arm, letting him know I'm still there, that it's okay, etc. I am just at my wit's end and I don't know what to do. I am against CIO but this seems different. Am I fooling myself?

[odoole]

Just curious if you've tried nursing on your side and his side without him lying on your arm? You may be able to slip away easier that way. Also, can you quickly swap your nipple with a pacifier? Can you tell the difference between his light sleep and deep sleep? What happens if you slip away during the deep sleep, rather than the light sleep?

My DS is sort of similar in that he often wakes if I'm not there during his light sleep. So I've gotten pretty good at slipping in there during his light sleep and slipping out of there during the deep sleep. It's not ideal, but it buys me some time in 30 minute chunks. It also helps to put something warm that smells like you (like a sweatshirt or something) next to him, and that way, he may even sleep through the light sleep phase thinking you're still there. I've noticed that ocean sounds in the background can also help DS sleep through the light stages without realizing I'm gone.

[Bokonon]

Are you swaddling? If not, it might help him feel more secure when you can't hold him.

[tykys]

Yes, I have tried nursing w/o my arm under him and slipping away, but he still wakes up. I am beginning to think he doesn't have "deep sleep" and if he does it is never ever ever for more than about 30-40 minutes at a time, if that. I also have a ocean sounds sheep, which lulls us both off to sleep... but the second I move away from him, no matter what, he's up. He's teething right now, so I'm sure that has something to do with it.

I was swaddling up until about 2 weeks ago, he used to love it and he doesn't seem to tolerate it well anymore. I had a just purchased a second hand miracle blanket last month too because I had planned on swaddling him much longer, but he isn't having it.