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this story makes me so sad and there isn't anything I can do.....just a rant.... - Page 2

post #21 of 42
It is YOUR duty to call CPS NOW!
post #22 of 42
For what it's worth, if I was in this situation, I would call CPS.
post #23 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
but if she still fits ina bucket seat, there has GOT to be something wrong...and according to the grandma they were worried enough about her at the doctor's office to do all kinds of blood tests to figure out why she is so small, yet it never occurred to them that the mom might not be feeding her? It's just weird to me. That's the first thing they ask about at all of ds' checkups.

My 22 month old dd still fits by weight and height in her bucket. Now it does have a higher weight limit than average (30lbs) but she's nowhere near the limit.

She is also currently wearing a 12 month shirt and has a fair number of other articles of 12 month clothing that still fit fine.

Is it possible that the mom of this child is not doing things the way her mom (the grandma) wants and the grandma is sure that this will result in major problems. I mean how many times has some one on here posted about how their ped or MIL is freaking out because mom isn't feeding the baby the X amount of solids a day and the babe isn't at X percentile on the chart.

I'm not saying that this is the case (though I hope for the baby's sake it is) I'm just saying that based on the info you have I'm not sure you can draw a reasonable conclusion either way. I would like to think that if there were grounds to call CPS the dr's office would know.
post #24 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
Here's a link that talks about babywise...

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pi...0977563&ref=mf
Do you have a different link or a Facebook search term so I can find your Facebook reference? When I click that link it just takes me to my Facebook homepage.
post #25 of 42
I had never heard of Babywise until I started reading baby books, which all sternly-yet-vaguely warn you against it.

It's a parenting method espoused by Gary Ezzo, who seems to be a self-proclaimed expert in the field.

Here's a blurb from Christianity Today (my understanding is that there's a lot of Babywise stuff/classes taught to parents specifically in evangelical churches):

Quote:
A central element of Ezzo's plan in Babywise is feeding newborns on a firm schedule, controlled by parents, rather than "on-demand," whenever a newborn seems hungry. Ezzo says his parent-directed method is essential to develop respectful, obedient, and godly children. Yet many breast-feeding mothers report that they have been unable to produce an adequate milk supply when following the program according to Matthew Aney, a California pediatrician.

A major focus of Babywise is to get infants to sleep all night as soon as possible. But some pediatricians, when comparing newborns whose parents use Ezzo's guidelines to other infants, have noted a higher incidence of inadequate weight gain, dehydration, and failure to thrive. Critics also sharply question other Babywise emphases, such as introducing a form of spanking in children younger than 2
More here: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/...ly8/12.20.html

I linked to that because I thought it was the most neutral-point-of-view article on Babywise in the first page of Google results, but by googling "Babywise", or "Baby Wise" or "Gary Ezzo" you'll find lots of stuff.
post #26 of 42
We have a very big bucket seat; it goes to 30lbs and 32". Many one yr olds fit just fine in these. I also have 90th percentile to off the charts children who wear pants that are designed for children much younger than them until they are about 4 yrs old. Up until then, they wear tiny pants because they have short legs and very long torsos. My tall, heavy 27 month old just stopped wearing 12 mo. pants last month, then skipped through 18 months and now suddenly is into 24 months, that fast.

Also, my youngest two dc didn't start eating solids until 14 and 13 months respectively, and even then, not meals. My youngest only started taking table food seriously at 18-20 months old.

My dc would never arrouse any suspicion though because they are huge and inhumanly strong, but if they had different constitutions, they could be the subject of concern. Bucket seats so late, no solids until after a year, small-sized clothing.

If you have reason to be concerned, then be concerned, but I just wanted to share along with pps that sometimes these things are just how they are and they are not unhealthy or from neglect. My friend has teeny-tiny babies and while her bf'ing relationship is very similar, she is constantly harrassed while I am not. Her babes are small, and mine are huge, and that's just how it is. It makes her paranoid though, and I feel sad about that; she is caring for her littles the way they need and it looks different than the norm, so she has an added stress from others.

Please check in at least a little before calling CPS, or don't, but tell them that you are not sure so that she has a chance to really talk and not just stand accused.
post #27 of 42
Sounds like a situation that CPS needs to be aware of...unless.. there is a medical reason the mother isn't feeding her dd. Sensory issues related to food; GI issues; food allergies *although I doubt that since she can have pediasure* other medical problems.. It could be medical, but problably not. Just wanted to throw that out there. I don't feed my 3 year old, but she has eosinophilic colitis so she can only have elecare kwim.
post #28 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bokonon View Post
She needs to be reported to CPS. End of story. That is child abuse, child endangerment, neglect, etc., and the longer this goes on, the less likely it becomes that the child will ever have a chance at a healthy, normal life.
Based on what you heard and what you know you need to call. If grandma is exaggerating they can figure that out but the dehydration is a red flag.

Try finding her on facebook. If you know where she went to highschool, what city she lives in, her first name, a former last name, chances are you can weed through profiles and find her.

Give CPS the grandmother's name. However you do it you need to contact them.

My heart breaks just reading that story.
post #29 of 42
the blood test seems worrisome... but that is just what the grandma told you correct? i second trying to talk to the mom and maybe get to know her a bit. (if possible) maybe it is a difference in opinion between grandma and daughter. or maybe the mom is being neglectful... but if you get to watch her a bit you might see it.


h
post #30 of 42
My first and third children didn't eat solids until around 2yrs old. They were both breastfed exclusively, except yogurt-type things that long. They just couldn't handle solids, gagged, spit stuff out, etc.

Of course, keep an eye out and maybe find out more, but being small and not eating solids isn't a sign of abuse. I find it hard to believe she'd allow all this testing, take her child to the ped, discuss this with other people (her mom), etc. if she was completely neglectful. I'm really doubting that the dr. didn't ask about feeding, etc. with that kind of visit.

But you saw the baby. We didn't. If you think she's being starved, then you should probably call.
Lisa
post #31 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bokonon View Post
She needs to be reported to CPS. End of story. That is child abuse, child endangerment, neglect, etc., and the longer this goes on, the less likely it becomes that the child will ever have a chance at a healthy, normal life.

The grandmother is probably too close to the situation to see it rationally. She would rather see her granddaughter starve than not see her at all?
post #32 of 42
IF the mother is actually starving and neglecting her baby, and used to seem like a wonderful normal person, then I would think the mama probably has some severe post partum depression and needs help Badly. That is the ony way I think a normal person could possibly do that to a child. She may just Really need some help coping and realizing what she is doing to her child and that she needs to get help. That said, you did receive somewhat vague information, and it is hard to tell if there is a decent reason for the child's condition or not. If CPS were to look into it, it would either be seen that the child has a medical condition and be dropped, or Mama and baby would both get the help they need. I would do what I could to look into it farther if I were you.
post #33 of 42
I would research it and call CPS too. If the grandma was just talking out of turn and doesn't like the way the dd cares for her child, then no harm done.
post #34 of 42
Call social services. This baby is in danger.
post #35 of 42
As mentioned above, grandmas can misinterpret things all the time, and some older people even go around carelessly trash-talking their adult children to sympathetic third parties.

Based on the fact that the supposedly neglectful mother is actively taking her to the ped, my bet is that this is a legitimate medical situation that is getting garbled beyond recognition by the time you got the information third-hand. The doctor is a mandated reporter and trained to distinguish medical situations from abuse. I can't even comprehend how much it would suck if a casual acquaintance CPS'd me over gossip about my kids' medical issues or special needs.
post #36 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tofu the Geek View Post
Do you have a different link or a Facebook search term so I can find your Facebook reference? When I click that link it just takes me to my Facebook homepage.
Sorry I'm not the most technically-abled lol. Here is a link to the same info:

http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel View Post
As mentioned above, grandmas can misinterpret things all the time, and some older people even go around carelessly trash-talking their adult children to sympathetic third parties.

Based on the fact that the supposedly neglectful mother is actively taking her to the ped, my bet is that this is a legitimate medical situation that is getting garbled beyond recognition by the time you got the information third-hand. The doctor is a mandated reporter and trained to distinguish medical situations from abuse. I can't even comprehend how much it would suck if a casual acquaintance CPS'd me over gossip about my kids' medical issues or special needs.
This is why I was curious if the mom is using babywise. It's been noted that mothers often hide their babywise practice from their Ped. So the Ped could be actively looking for a health issue and not know that the baby is being starved.
post #37 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
...the Ped could be actively looking for a health issue and not know that the baby is being starved.
This is why I think you should try to locate her ped immediately. I imagine that the ped would not automatically come to the conclusion that the mother is starving her baby, but would search for a medical reason for the condition, and miss the fact that the baby is just not being fed enough.

Find out her full name from your mom. If it were me, I'd contact the grandma saying that I was looking for a new ped, and if she remembers where her daughter's ped office is.
post #38 of 42
I get that dehydration is bad. My thought, though, is that if this baby's condition were that serious wouldn't the ped have suggested something besides PediaSure? We took DS to the ER once when he was horribly ill. They wanted to keep him because he was dehydrated. Instead they gave him IV fluids, and we brought him back in the next day to be checked. I can't imagine that in a serious situation, a doctor wouldn't do something, whether it's contact CPS if he suspects abuse or order more tests/hospital stay/tube feeding - something - if he thought it was a medical issue.
post #39 of 42
Thread Starter 
again I should be going to bed but wanted to update real quick. I tried to talk to my mom about it and her attitude was very bizarre. She defended the grandmother almost immediately (which I thought was strange since I wasn't accusing the grandma of ANYTHING) and kept saying that if anything needed to be done she would do it. She also kept saying that you "can't fight everyone's battles." She seems to have this in her head that the dd is just a dumb teen mom who refuses to listen to anyone and that there is no point telling her anything because she's determined to do it her way. She keeps telling me what the dd has "put" her mom through, yet the mom keeps helping her. She didn't even seem concerned about the baby being starved or underweight or anything (which is all I'm worried about, I'm not interested in the drama) and she kept saying that the dd is so awful you can't say anything to her or she will "snatch" the baby from grandma and cut her out of their life.

I'm beginning to wonder like some pp's have said if there isn't more to the story, especially since I have heard that two of the other grandchildren (two other sisters' kids)have major health issues. I don't know anything about them really, but I've never heard anything said about them being neglected. AND my mom has done things like call the police on me over made-up or grossly exaggerated stories she gave about me and my ds, so I have to wonder if perhaps her friends are people with similar parenting styles and the grandma really is exaggerating all this just to make it seem like her dd isn't caring for the baby.

I did manage to find her on facebook so hopefully she responds and I will be able to find out for sure what the story is. It just seems really weird to me that a doctor wouldn't at least ASK or suspect neglect first, if the baby was so dehydrated/undernourished. And....if she didn't go, how does she know what the doc said? And if she did go to the appt, why didn't she tell the doc the truth?
post #40 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle View Post
I am the last person to say "call cps". However, in this case, I would do it now.

This needs to be investigated further by someone other than family. All you need is the general information (family name, state, address--if you don't know it-google it) & CPS will decide whether or not to go further with the family.
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