I'm so very sorry--it's tough....no, beyond tough....to be the only one who "get's it" and is really trying while everyone around you has their head up their rear (I'd prefer other words...but trying to be non-offensive).
You sound like you are doing a fabulous, fantastic, wonderful job w/your children. You are in a position where everything you do as a parent is under a microscope right now, and only parents who have been in your position are going to really understand.
Huge hugs!!!!!! (Uh, and I'd move, too, although I'd be tempted right now to build a nice pretty fence in the meantime).
mrsfru
You sound like you are doing a fabulous, fantastic, wonderful job w/your children. You are in a position where everything you do as a parent is under a microscope right now, and only parents who have been in your position are going to really understand.
Huge hugs!!!!!! (Uh, and I'd move, too, although I'd be tempted right now to build a nice pretty fence in the meantime).
mrsfru
I felt it was kind of a dig, but I just let it slide (DOORMAT ALERT) and said, "Yeah, I am pretty burned out, so even if you don't want to go out, do you think you might be ok with that once a month so me and DH can get a little break?" She said she'd talk to BIL about it and get back to me but never did. I ask DH later, "Do you think that was a dig?" and he said, "Yeah, that was a dig."
We are superbly blessed and lucky that he came into our lives and that he loves me and the boys absolutely with all his heart. Unfortunately I don't have many other IRL supports, we've been here less than two years and with the kids needs, having a baby last year, etc, its hard to socialize. I met some nice people through a fiber arts craft group (including some MDC mamas!), but I haven't gone since DS1 went to treatment 2 months ago. I need to make time to go back. It was very therapeutic! But I do have MDC too, and I appreciate so much having mamas who can share advice and hugs, even if I can't see your faces. 
Move on.
I too feel soooo misunderstood or misread. They dont see what the motive is behind our actions. Instead my family (mostly my mother) sees anything I do as a personal attack on her. At first I thought maybe she was threatened by my parenting skills that somehow maybe she felt that she didnt do as good a job with me as i do with my son... I personally dont feel that way, but she has severe emotional problems like depression so all you have to do is breathe the same air as her for her to start something... but then I quickly learned that its all personal... its me. Over the last few years I have become the black sheep of the family and I have no idea why. I dont have any irl supporters... Im a single mama by choice this time around and dont have anyone on my side... at least you have an awesome DH to support you. Please dont hesitate to PM me... I just feel for you in your situation because I myself am going through it as well. Last week was the turning point for me when my own mother spit in my face and started pushing my trying to knock me down.... AND IM 6 MONTHS PREGNANT! And she had the nerve to call the cops on ME!!!
) Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I feel your pain. I would not attempt any reunification right now. Not until they understand what they did and start treating you with some respect. Do you receive respite hours for your son? That might be one way you and DH can have a date night.
. Most of my friends are generally supportive, but I also get the impression that they don't want to be bothered with understanding the implications and they don't always want to accommodate DS's needs.
It's still really scary to consider what moving with three older ASD kids who don't do great with change will mean, but I am trying to think positive! I made a long-distance move once before as a single mom of three (to be closer to home and family "support" 
I can't imagine going through that single and pregnant. It's soooo important to grow babies in peace, don't let anyone take that away from you! My most anxious/fearful boy was the one I was pg with when the abuse by my ex was the worst. I didn't know it at the time, but there is research that stress chemicals can wire a developing brain for a stress reaction (fight or flight). I was a Parents As Teachers educator for three years and the program really emphasizes a low-stress pregnancy for our prenatal clients based on this brain research. So there you go, you have scientifically-backed reasons for avoiding contact with stressful, toxic people and doing whatever you need to do to lower your stress level for your baby! 
