Being the youngest. Re: holding kids back from K - Page 2

[cloe]

My son started this year with a Sep birthday. He never did pre school (shocking thing I know). He found it kind of difficult in the begining because he is shy, to the point that the teacher pulled me aside and suggested he do a year of preschool. However at his first parent teacher conference he is at the top of the class in reading, math and science. Socially, once he met and got used to the kids, teachers and structure of the system then he is shining. Teachers and parents stop me all the time and tell me what a wonderfull kid he is. His major problem is that he isn't allowed to watch all the cartoons that most of the other kids are watching an so in recess he had a hard time finding a kid to play dinosours with rather than bakugan/star wars ect. Academicaly he is still bored and he is learning extended sight words for 1st grade. If I had kept him out of school for another year and put him in preschool he would still be very shy but stupidly bored too.

As a kid I started early and then the school moved the cut off day to one day before my birthday so I was held back in first. I went through school socially ahead and uncomfortable, all the other kids were interested in dolls and I had grown out of that. I also never tried because I could coast without being challenged which my teachers took as average but I thought everything was boring/easy. I was a voracious reader which most of my teachers never picked up on. As an adult I realise I should have never been held back and my mother should have stood up to the school, and I will never do that to my children.

[amma_mama]

Originally Posted by ZoshaMosha

Thank you for all these responses, they are really helpful.

I should have clarified in my OP. I believe my DD is emotionally ready to go to K as well. I am just worried because it never occurred to me that many kids would be around ONE WHOLE YEAR older because of red-shirting.

At her old preschool, she "skipped a grade" and was put with the older kids. She felt really left out and was bullied a little bit by a couple of them (this wasn't entirely because they were older, the school was just really bad too). She is now in a mixed age preschool and very much thriving there.

I really feel she IS ready for K, but I just can't believe that almost EVERYONE I know is holding their child back. It's like everyone read Outliers and now you need to be 6 to go to Kindergarten!

If your DD is socially, emotionally and academically ready then don't focus too much on what others are or are not doing with their children. If you are still concerned about too many kids being so much older than I would talk to the school to get the typical ratio - your own "survey" may be skewed, giving you the impression that "everybody" is red-shirting. That may not be the reality.

We worried more about DD being bored in a pre-K class again this year. She is thriving on the academics and holds her own socially. And she still gets plenty of playtime each day so I am not too concerned about an academic overload.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by cloe

As a kid I started early and then the school moved the cut off day to one day before my birthday so I was held back in first.

: How utterly idiotic of them.

[sapphire_chan]

I have a late September birthday and went to school before redshirting so I wasn't drastically younger than the kids in my class. But I don't recall having any real social problems with kids in older grades either. I went to the highschool for a math class in 8th grade and was more coddled by my classmates than anything else. I also was the person they'd come to for help when going to a classmate rather than the teacher was appropriate

As for not getting the license right away or whatever, with parents willing to drive, who cares? Or if you're lucky enough to have a really responsible somewhat older friend with access to a car, that's great too

Since you can always take a year off and start back up when she's older, I don't really see any benefit to taking longer to get through school.

[EFmom]

I'd send her. My daughters were both more than ready for school at the appointed time, and I personally don't see the point of holding them back if they are ready. Somebody is going to be the youngest kid.

My younger daughter is one of the youngest in her class. She was 4 for half of K. She's also very petite. She gets kidded a bit about being small, but has handled it fine. She is now 9, does beautifully in school, is socially adept and has tons of friends. It's all good.

[crl]

As someone who did hold her son back, I'd say based on your description I would send your daughter on time. If she is socially and emotionally ready, then I wouldn't keep her back just because others seem likely to be keeping their kids back.

Catherine

[aelf]

My husband and I both started K at 4 yrs old, with November and October birthdays. Our daughter started K at 5, she has a late June birthday. Her school recommended she attend "pre-first" between Kindergarten and First grade, and based on the conversations I had with other parents seemed to recommend it for the children with summer birthdays. My husband and I decided to send her to First grade anyway, where she is the youngest, by over a year in some cases (those kids who had been held back), and she's doing just fine.

I'd read all the studies, and I compared them with my husband's and my experiences (we were both fine, and both believe that if we'd been held back our schooling experiences would have been worse). If my daughter were physically small, or if I had entered puberty at an older age (I started young), I might have been more willing to consider it. She is still finding her way academically and isn't at all interested in reading independently which these days is a Big Deal for a first grader. But she's happy, and I'm confident that she'll "catch up" when she's ready to. (And if there are learning differences underlying her reading issues, they'll be caught earlier than if I elected to hold her back because of those issues.)

But I'm also not one to make a decision without a back-up plan. And I decided it would be much easier to drop a grade level than jump a grade level. So if we'd tried it, and in the first month of school we'd ended up with a miserable, struggling child, we could have dropped her back a grade.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by cloe

As a kid I started early and then the school moved the cut off day to one day before my birthday so I was held back in first. I went through school socially ahead and uncomfortable, all the other kids were interested in dolls and I had grown out of that. I also never tried because I could coast without being challenged which my teachers took as average but I thought everything was boring/easy. I was a voracious reader which most of my teachers never picked up on. As an adult I realise I should have never been held back and my mother should have stood up to the school, and I will never do that to my children.

I had a very similar experience, though it involved moving from on state to another. I never had any issues when I was the youngest in the class, it went fine. Being the oldest in the class though wasn't so great.

Academically I was very out of place; testing several grade levels ahead, but floundering b/c of not doing homework (though that was especially complicated for me aside from simple grade level issues, since I am dyslexic.) When I did well academically, it was belittled since I had the "unfair" advantage of being a couple of weeks to 11 1/2 months older than the other students.

It didn't help at all that I blossomed early and was the only girl in 6th grade who needed a C cup (I was D by 9th grade and DD by my senior year of highschool.)

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by crl

If she is socially and emotionally ready, then I wouldn't keep her back just because others seem likely to be keeping their kids back.

We experienced that same worries when starting dd#1 in K. Where we live, the cut-off varies from 5 by 9/15 to 5 by 10/1 depending on the district. Dd's bd is in the last few days of August & she was in a district w/ a 9/15 cut-off. She was at a similar point socially and academically to where you describe your dd. It worked just fine for her to be younger than the other kids. In fact, she wound up skipping 5th grade later and is now 2+ yrs younger than some of her grade mates. (She's in 7th at 11.) It is still working quite well. I'd venture to say that it is a better social as well as academic fit post-skip.

That NAEYC article that someone posted a while back was what swayed me to go ahead and send her even when I was getting advice to hold her out from the elementary and her preschool due to her bd.

Two years later, we started dd#2, whose bd is in the last few days of Sept. in the district with the 10/1 cut-off and then later moved her into the district with the 9/15 cut-off. She is, therefore, a lot younger than many of her grade peers as well. She won't likely be skipping any grades b/c it wouldn't be in her best interests socially or otherwise, but her age hasn't been an issue either. We have other issues, but her being younger doesn't seem to be part of those.