Please--how to encourage listening in 1 yr. old?!

[justKate]

DD will be 1 on Valentine's Day. She will not STOP. How do i get her to stop doing things that could hurt her without "punishment" when she just WILL. NOT. LISTEN.

For example: DD and I are playing on the floor. She goes for bookshelves with heavy books and starts pulling them down on her head. "Stop! You're tired of that game. Let's do X..." And i start playing X. Heavy book nears edge. "Stop Baby. I'm gonna get you!" Playfully crawling towards her. No response. "Monkey, STOP!" Scooping her up and moving on to another activity... As soon as I let her down she's right back to the books, or whatever the thing of interest is.

What am i missing here? I can't remove EVERYTHING from the rooms she roams free in. I can't constantly be taking things away from her and moving her, because laundry has to be folded and dinner has to be made. She screams if I try to put her in the Ergo; she screams if Daddy holds her in the evenings, because she wants to destroy things. She has plenty of her own things to destroy. She gets lots of outdoor time and lots of time to make messes with her things and ours, and food... What is she missing?

I don't want to use a play pen and I don't want to punish her for being curious, but how do I get her to LISTEN to us? Yesterday she pulled a piggy bank down on her head and it hurt. A ceramic one, thankfully it was empty. What is the natural (or logical) consequence of not listening when Mama says stop? A book falls on your head? That doesn't seem very gentle, but I don't know what else to do... Is going in the play pen while mama cooks a logical consequence of not listening to mama's safety concerns? Can a 1 yr old understand consequences? She definitely understands that we want her to stop and she doesn't want to; and understands that we can't "make her" stop.

Ugh. Sorry for the rant. Any advice is appreciated.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Shes still really little to be "listening", i.e. obeying or comprehending, IMO. What I try to do more often, and I actually get scolded for this sometimes, is leave something out that looks like they shouldnt be getting into it, but let them get into it, and they are occupied long enough to get the laundry folded, or make dinner, etc. There is something in a babys DNA that says no matter how clever Fisher Price is in their toy making, I want rip the remote apart, or play with mommies keys, or scale the bookshelf.

Maybe try going to a garage sale, buying a bunch of really cheap books, putting them on the lower part of the book shelf, and just letting her yank them down and tear them to shreds. She will get bored with it eventually.

[lizzylou]

From my own experience... you want to be careful not to turn the undesired behavior into a game. For a long time my son loved to climb up the stairs because he knew mommy or daddy would chase after him. For awhile my husband had unknowingly turned the whole process into a fun game for DS.

Anyway our solution was to pick him up and move him to a boring part of the house. We had to do it over and over again a few times but he finally understood that if he climbed the stairs, he would end up somewhere boring and that was no fun. Is that a logical consequence? I don't know, but you can only expect a one year-old to have so much logic. I also don't think that you can really expect them to listen too much, that will come a little further down the line. Right now you need to keep her safe, and she may not always like that.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Seriously? I use the pack n play. I'm a single mama, and when I have to make dinner, I have to make dinner. Child proof the best you can - child locks on cabinets, breakables up high, toys down where she can get them.

My favorite tool is having 2 cabinets in my kitchen that are devoted to Lincoln's toys - he can get into the cabinets and play with everything in them. I also give him some kitchen utensils when he gets really frustrated - his favorite right now is a plastic mixing bowl and plastic serving spoon so that he can mimic me.

He also doesn't listen at all, so I have to get creative.

[maryeb]

Aww, that's frustrating but your baby is super little. She will pick it up in time, but I think physically redirecting while saying what you want her to do instead of what she is currently doing, might work better than just telling her to stop. And def. put those books away. Anywhere else but within her reach. We put all our big books in a closet, honestly. My parents have tons of books that are at kid level and it's exactly what my toddler wants to do-pull them all out. It is a phase though, take heart.

Big soft blocks can work well for destruction stuff, we have some toddler size cardboard blocks both my kids love. What about banging on drum/music stuff? That seems to help my toddler get it out. Pillows? My guy likes to cruise all over pillows and fall, it helps get the wiggles out before bed and when we're cooped up. Just some thoughts. Good luck. Oh, playpens for periods of time for safety reasons are no biggie either!! Mary

[woodchick]

Originally Posted by justKate

For example: DD and I are playing on the floor. She goes for bookshelves with heavy books and starts pulling them down on her head. "Stop! You're tired of that game. Let's do X..." And i start playing X. Heavy book nears edge. "Stop Baby. I'm gonna get you!" Playfully crawling towards her. No response. "Monkey, STOP!" Scooping her up and moving on to another activity... As soon as I let her down she's right back to the books, or whatever the thing of interest is.

If this is a common 'conversation' I'd say that she is desensitized to the word stop. Maybe you could try Halt or Freeze said in the same tone. It might be different enough to catch her attention.

I agree with the others- for a while you may have to put away those things she is getting in to. I don't like babyproofing, and for the most part DD1 learned which things were on and off limits, but we had to resort to locking the fridge because it was just too tempting to her all the time.

For dinner- can you prep the dinner during naps so that you have to spend less time preparing it in the evening? Use a crock pot (my favorite!)? Have a special activity that is only for dinner prep time? Does she have a high chair? My girls have always liked being up at my level when I am making dinner. (I guess my knees don't make good conversationalists!)

Lastly, can you sit in the room with your back to the book shelf? Then at least she'd have to go through you to get to the books!

[justKate]

Thank you for the really great ideas. Sometimes its hard to see any other options!

[sapphire_chan]

In your book example where you start playing X, you mean you take her over to X and start playing and she goes back to the books or you just start playing X and hope she'll come over to play X?

Ah, I see, when you scoop her up she goes right back to it.

I had a piece of cloth stapled to the front of a book case for about 6 months before I finally got a new bookcase tucked away behind dh's desk to hold all the fascinating stuff.

When Lina was one, I used baby gates a lot. I'd shut off access to the cats' food dishes that couldn't be moved up out of her reach and access to the bathroom (the doors are annoying to open and close), and effectively turned the rest of the apartment into a baby play pen. If you've got a house with multiple rooms, could you rearrange things and keep doors closed and areas gated?

If it's any comfort, Lina hasn't taken every book of the bottom two shelves of the fiction bookcase in about a month and it was a couple of weeks ago since she took down all the books from the 3rd shelf (it was really exciting to be able to reach that high! ) and all I ever did about it was say "oh come on small stuff! books stay on the shelf! watch me pick them up"

[PikkuMyy]

I'm a special education teacher who does early intervention for children with communication delays. I'm also a nanny for typical children.

At 12 months, babies have just been communicating intentionally for a short while - doing X to get you to do Y. It's way too young to expect that they'll be compliant, especially with a request like stopping an activity that is interesting.

At this age, and at least for the next 2-5, depending on your child, you'll need to do a lot of prevention and redirection OVER AND OVER AND OVER again.

[OkiMom]

Both my girls LOVE to get into things as well. Luckily my oldest is over it and I learned a few tricks.
1) Tupperware containers are my friends. I put a bunch of toys in one and the lid on. My girls will almost automatically go to it to see whats inside. Gives me about 15 minutes to throw something in the oven or clean.
2) I have several drawers in my kitchen that the girls are allowed to go through. They have old kitchen stuff and a few bowls in them. My youngest (14 months) LOVES to go through the drawers take thing out and put them back.
3) When it comes to laundry both my girls help "fold" it and put it away. No the baby really doesn't help but she likes to be doing what DD1 and I are doing.
4) I have some activities that I only bring out during when I HAVE to have time to do something. Bowls with water they can pour back and forth is a favorite of them.
5) The bottom of my bookcases are full with board books and small toys. If the baby can reach it its something that won't hurt her.
6) If I get really desperate I let them in the shoe closet and they pull all the shoes out and "try on" every pair.
7) I try to get the baby involved in a lot of things Im doing. Sometimes it makes a HUGE mess to have her help me with the flour but she loves it and I figure messes are what childhood is about.

My husband is gone ALOT so I end up doing almost every meal time and all the cleaning. I don't have family nearby either so I don't have anyone willing to come by and watch them. Things get done its just slow,instead of cleaning the whole house in one day it takes me a week or so.