Needing support, sleep issues with my 24m old

[LawrenceDoula]

Okay. I'm having a very bad day and haven't posted on MDC in awhile, but I need some support. I have been very AP with my kids, but my son (who will be 2 next month) is driving me INSANE. He still wakes every 2-3 hours at night wanting to nurse. After he nurses he still needs atleast 10 minutes of soothing from Papa before he's ready to go back to bed. He FREAKS if his Papa tries to rock, cuddle, soothe or offer a drink of water. There was a period of time where he was sleeping 4-5 hour stretches and was letting my husband rock him back to sleep. But not now. He is also taking between 45 minutes and an hour to get to sleep for nap. If I can time a car ride around nap time he'll fall asleep in the car and transfer to his bed well enough, but today his 5 year old sister woke him up. Needless to say I was NOT a happy camper.

He also struggles with everything. I recognize that he is very energetic and independent, but it is wearing me out. The shoes, the clothes, the diaper changes, EVERYTHING is me trying to stay calm and get creative, but most of my 'tricks' that worked with his sister don't work with him. All of this on next to no sleep or quiet time is making me feel crazy.

He is one of the sweetest and funniest kids I've ever known. Personality wise he is great, intelligent, and loving.

But I am feeling desperate. I need sleep, I feel like I just want to be done with nursing. I had every intention of nursing until he was ready to stop, but I can't even imagine such a thing! I don't want to wean him, I just want it to work. I don't want to 'sleep train' him in any way, but I need to do something. I am tired and cranky and sometimes don't even want to be around my own kids.

Sorry for the long vent, but I knew moms here would understand!

Rachel

[bluejaunte]

Oh man, he sounds like mine, except mine's about 2 months older. I ended up night-weaning him to save his sleep -- otherwise he'd wake up sometimes twice an hour to nurse &, needless to say, would be pretty unpleasant the next day. I transitioned to nursing him before bed, while reading him lots and lots of books, and then picking him up, rocking him to sleep, and transferring him into the bed. At night he sleeps in a sidecarred crib until he's ready to come into bed with us (anywhere between 11 on a bad day and 4 on a good day -- he's only sttn for serious maaaaybe 5 times in his life) and it took a while but he did start just putting himself to sleep, sans nursing, in the bed with us. This went on for about two-2.5 months and then just tonight he suddenly decided he didn't want rocked to sleep anymore -- he suddenly was ready to put himself to sleep in the crib. Will he do that tomorrow? Who knows. For now I'll take it.

Point is, hopefully yours will suddenly decide he's ready to change up his routine! If he's anything like mine (and he sounds like it) you'll never see it coming.

Fingers & toes crossed!

[paulamc]

Originally Posted by bluejaunte

Oh man, he sounds like mine, except mine's about 2 months older. I ended up night-weaning him to save his sleep -- otherwise he'd wake up sometimes twice an hour to nurse &, needless to say, would be pretty unpleasant the next day. I transitioned to nursing him before bed, while reading him lots and lots of books, and then picking him up, rocking him to sleep, and transferring him into the bed. At night he sleeps in a sidecarred crib until he's ready to come into bed with us (anywhere between 11 on a bad day and 4 on a good day -- he's only sttn for serious maaaaybe 5 times in his life) and it took a while but he did start just putting himself to sleep, sans nursing, in the bed with us. This went on for about two-2.5 months and then just tonight he suddenly decided he didn't want rocked to sleep anymore -- he suddenly was ready to put himself to sleep in the crib. Will he do that tomorrow? Who knows. For now I'll take it.

Point is, hopefully yours will suddenly decide he's ready to change up his routine! If he's anything like mine (and he sounds like it) you'll never see it coming.

Fingers & toes crossed!

Not the OP here, but just wondering, now that you've night weaned him, does he STTN? How many times is he waking?

[bluejaunte]

He sleeps from around 8 until .. anywhere between 11ish and 4ish without waking. Then I transfer him into the bed with us (I seem to mostly sleep through this!) & he sleeps solidly until .. 5:30-6:30. Sometimes it's a battle to get him back to sleep if he wants to get up at 5:30, which leaves him cranky. In short I don't know how many times he wakes up between when he comes into bed with us & when we get up. He's able to put himself back to sleep now so I don't wake up when he does. He does seem MUCH more well rested now than when we were nursing throughout the night, so I'm happy.

[MamaPhD]

Couple of thoughts....sorry all jumbled in my head

Does he get enough to eat during the day? He might want to nurse at night cuz he is hungry? My DD started to sttn after I increased her solid foods. Then I felt super bad, "oh, my, has mommy been starving you poor thing...." kinda thing.

With my 14mo DD, I gradually decreased night nursing time. She used to wake up around 3am to nurse. At first she nursed ~10 minutes, then I knocked off one minute every few days and got it under 1 minute. ALso the time that she woke up gradually got later to 4am, 5am, then disappeared. No crying involved at all. Definitely worth a try, I think.

How does he fall asleep for the naps? Is he tired or are you trying to get him to nap at a certain time? Might be worth it to try to move back the nap so he is very tired. Also if he's an energetic kid, you might need to drain his energy more - go to a park let him run around. Or do you guys have one of those indoor gyms for kids? I hear energy levels in boys is just totally different than girls.

You said you are against sleep training, but I assume you mean CIO? You can teach kids to fall asleep non-CIO. The most important things is consistency and routine. Try to do a couple of things ALWAYS before nap/bed time to establish routine. It will take time for the kid to learn the routine, but soon he will expect it's sleep time coming up, even if he doesn't like it or whatever, he will at least recognize it. And that is a start.

Good luck!!!

[sparklett]

We started feeling like this when DS was 25 months. About the same time, I put a twin bed in his room and told him he could use it if he wanted it. To my surprise, he was THRILLED. The second he saw his bed, he didn't want to sleep with us. I started nursing him in his bed and he would come to bed with us around 6am.

We decided to night wean a few weeks after he started sleeping in his bed. We started by telling him he could nurse when the sun came up and we stayed firm on that. During nightweaning, we stayed with him the whole time, walking him, rocking him, singing to him, etc. He cried, I cried, but we knew it was best for him (and me, since I was starting for resent nursing; nightweaning made me okay with daytime nursing). It was one really, really difficult night where no one slept, then one hard night, and then one semi-okay night, and now.... DS goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up at 7am. He asks for me at 6am and we cuddle until 7. He knows that the rule is no nursing until the sun comes up.

What we did was different that CIO because we were there literally the whole time, holding him and talking to him. I couldn't imagine just letting him lay there and cry.

Naps- I still let him nurse to sleep. He's much easier to get to sleep when he's wiped out from a busy morning.

[Picard]

We are going through the same thing. Last night was particularly bad as DS21 months was wake/nursing from 12 to 5 am before he finally fell asleep for a few hours. It got a bit much, but I try to stay calm. It's a bummer when 10 minutes after nursing he goes: Mamma?..Milk.
I find that he is less fidgety if I manage to bring him to the washroom for a pee, but I'm often too tired to do so...

[LawrenceDoula]

I knew other Moms would empathize!

I feel like we have tried SO MANY things. I make sure he eats as much as he wants, I nurse him as long as he wants at bedtime, I make sure he's tired, we have a routine, etc. He has ALWAYS been a 'bad' sleeper. I held him for naps for 9 months. He has never slept through the night.

When I talked to my friends about it they all said, "Oh, you have to night wean if it's making you all that miserable!" so that's what we've tried. But this kid...he simply won't have it. The kind of screaming that makes the neighbors call the police! We never leave him to cry alone, but in our arms he is still out of control.

On top of it all he has been sick every 2-3 weeks this winter. Scarlet Fever, Hand Foot and Mouth disease, stomach virus, croup, and possibly asthma. I have thought about food allergies, but I don't even know where to begin there. We are vegetarian and almost vegan. No food dyes, no high fructose corn syrup, we try to cut of all processed foods. He's been eating the same stuff for the last year, except for the things that have given him diaper rash (raisins, citrus, grapes).

I guess I just have this fear that there is a medical reason he can't sleep. I keep waiting for the nights to improve. You all have given me some hope. Thanks!

[lnitti]

I would also consider allergies or food intolerance.

You are almost vegan? Do you have soy? That is one of the top culprits I think.

[twinergy]

My DS does this kind of thing when he is teething. It helps to give him ibuprofen.

[almadianna]

my oldest did this when she was teething as well. it didnt stop until almost 2 and a half when the last molars came in.

[mamalove1]

Me too - no sleep here Need HELP!!!!!

I can so relate to these posts. I have been up since 3:30 in the morning. My DD will be 2 in February and she has NEVER slept through the night. NOT EVER!!!!!!!! I work fulltime as a teacher and I am exhausted. It isn't always as bad as last night. Yes she still nurses at night and we cosleep. She will not have anyone but me at night. ON a good night she only wakes 3 times. I am so worried that something is wrong with her and I am missing it. Then I realize it probably is the sleep deprivation reaking havoc with my emotions and she is just teething. But the child has almost all her teeth! I just don't know. HELP!!!!!!

[mamalove1]

And...

And I am her "lovies" too so it is stressful for me when it is a bad night. If she isn't nursing she is "hanging on" which can be painful if it is off and on all night. Any suggestions?