Moms of 4 or more?

[at_the_hip]

I am finding it really hard this time around (I'm pg with #5) to feel comfortable showing off my belly. I guess I feel really tired of the RUDE comments people give, but I feel like it isn't fair to be treated like it isn't just as much of a miracle? Should I just not care? I'm an introvert, so I feel very uncomfortable when strangers ask me VERY personal questions or just make rude comments (such as suggesting that we are justified in #5 because we have 4 girls...in FRONT of my girls).

I get treated totally differently if I am out with just one or two of my children. That feels wrong to me. I should not feel embarrassed or ashamed to be pregnant with a very much planned and already loved baby #5, right? Please tell me I'm not the only one stressed about this. I am obviously pg but I get HUGE in my belly every time, so there comes a time when I am quite a spectacle, like it or not...and adding the 4 girls with me almost all of the time (they are homeschooled) makes it even more different.

I feel like an alien around here where it is rare for people to have 3, never mind more! Sometimes people give me terrible looks and I wonder what the heck they are thinking...we're not on public assistance, and I am happily married, thank you!! But regardless of my situation, what makes people think they have the right to judgement?

[firewoman]

I just had number 5 and I had similar experiences while I was pregnant. I'm not sure why people take such issue with us ladies that have big families especially when, like you said, the babies we make are so wanted and loved. I still get LOTS of Michelle Dugger comments. People make me feel like there is something wrong with me for wanting so many children.

Being an introvert, I imagine it would be difficult for you to be blunt back but I think that is the best way to deal with it. What people are saying, especially in front of your girls IS rude. Hang in there. You are doing a great job and producing quality people! Good for you.

[umsami]

I'm on #4, and I've avoided telling people for that reason. We got loads of comments w/ #3, but when people found out she was a girl (we have 2 boys), they somehow felt it was O.K. I guess if DD had been DS3, it wouldn't have been.

I will say that pretty much everybody in my family has two or one babies, if that.... so four will seem strange to them.

The good thing, in a way, is that I wear hijab. So that seems to scare most people away (I live in the South in the U.S.) I think they probably assume that I don't speak English, have very little education, and am being forced to get pregnant. :

[COgirl19]

big families are beautiful! We are only on #2 but I hope to get to #5 someday too.

[mediumcrunch]

Have a #6. I found that after #6 people usually eased up on making comments as they just figured you were plain crazy

Surprisingly, the rudest person ever said something to me when I just had two and it was completely unprovoked ( they were quiet and behaving, I was just walking through a Borders, not pregnant)...strange.

GAH! If one more person asks me if I've heard of Michelle Duggar I will *scream*. Yes, I've heard of her I don't live in a cave, I'm sure she is a nice lady, no I don't watch her show, we don't have cable. No., I am not trying to 'catch up' to her.

These days the rudest I ever get is 'Better you than me." which I don't think people realize how that really sounds.
Sure I get the "Don't you have a TV", "Don't you know what causes that" etc...depending on who says it I've been known to come back with responses like, "Of course we know what causes it! Why we would want to stop, we're really good at it!"
People think they are clever with those comments. They are just annoying.

Usually I just smile and say "Yes, I'm very blessed" to most comments and try to look somewhat put together-no not a cover model but hair brushed with clean clothes, matching shoes etc....and same with the kids. Don't need to look like they stepped out of a GAP ad, but clean with washed faces and brushed hair is good. It totally stinks that a mom of 1 can go to the store looking haggard or with a kid wearing green pants and an orange and blue shirt and no one thinks twice but a mom of many can't or she gets the 'see!! she shouldn't have had so many kids!!!!"

I do have to say it is MUCH easier to have a large family here in rural S. TX vs. the NYC metro area where we lived. Once in Costco in CT we actually had people pointing and following us around the store. It was creepy.

[mediumcrunch]

And I do get the prying questions from people trying to figure it out if all the children are from one relationship (yes) and how old I am (38) and how old my oldest is (16) because they are sure that there must be multiple 'baby daddies' and I must have started at 15.
Not that any of that would be an excuse to treat me or my children, poorly.

[Pinoikoi]

I have had 7 pregnancies, but only 3 births.. we have 4 sons together (1 through adoption).. I get comments all the time. and yeah, I get the opposite line "oh, no girls yet? maybe this time!"

I have a bunch of smart alecky comebacks that I practice so I can use them when the time arises...

Example:

I don't think that Alaska has enough electoral votes. I am trying to change that.

Goodness, I am XX years old, how old do I HAVE to be to have more kids? I have waited long enough I think!

Oh, I am sorry, did you want some of them? I can ask if there's a volunteer..

Usually people learn to shup up.

[Bethla]

No rude comments and haven't noticed many stares. Most people are shocked that I'm pregnant with #4. Of course I get tons of comments...people just feel like they need to say something! I've been asked several times if I am Mormon

[sweet_tart_vt]

Had to pop in and share my experiences with you ladies.
We are expecting #7 5/16/ and I certainly get my share of comments. We have 4 boys ages 11, 7, 5 and 1. My 5 yr old is classicly autistic and we have 2 girls ages 10 and 3. This baby "appears" to be a girl from the u/s. The oldest are homeschooled and being a SAHM the kids are always with me wherever I go. I have actually had people count my kids when I was in a store and when I've been pregnant hear them say none too quietly "and shes pregnant AGAIN?!". I see parents out in public with one child and all of my 6 behave better than their one, but someone always feels the need to comment I notice. It used to bother me, but now I just make sure to return fire. Some examples Ive used (and feel free to use them lol):

"Do you know what causes that"? answer: "yes, a happy marriage" or "obviously not, since we keep having more" or "yes, my husband works as a condom tester, all the kids you see are the result of faulty products".

"Are they all yours"? answer: "umm, I'm not sure, how many did you count?" or "No, Im a child kidnapper and I find the grocerystore/park/etc/ prime stalking grounds."

"Do they all have the same Father" answer: "yes, some people still hold to that horrible tradition called "one man, one woman, one lifetime" otherwise known as a loyal marriage, or "well, Ive always though this one here looks an awful lot like my brother Billy-Joe-Jim-Bob".

"Are you crazy"? answer: "isnt anyone who has a child/ren at least semi insane?" or "yes, but they only let me out a couple times a week before I have to go back to the home". or "yes, but Im heavily medicated so Im no harm to anyone".

It really is ridiculous how people feel that they need to pass judgement upon you simply becase you dont fit into the "cookie cutter" model that society has deemed as "normal" I dont let it bother me anymore. I know that I'm a good mama to my LO's, dh and I work hard to provide them with what they need and we are raising kids that will make this world a better place. Thats all that matters to me.

Blessed Be!

[gardenmommy]

Oh my! Thank you Pinoikoi and Sweet tart! Those are hilarious comebacks. I think maybe I should print some out and carry them with me for when I get the comments. Although I think I must just send out some sort of vibe, because most people only say, "oh! I guess you are busy", or some other similarly inane comment. Like, what mom isn't busy, whether you have one child or 7?! Somehow, their needs expand to fill whatever time you have available. I am pregnant with #5, but most people can't tell; I guess they just think I'm getting fat or something. I get the stares, too, but mostly just try to ignore them. Heaven help the person bold enough to say something rude to me in front of my children. I think it would be difficult to model kindness to my children.

[Galatea]

This is why I am hiding my belly for as long as possible. I just can't stand the comments I got on the last one (#3) and am paranoid about what will happen with #4. Thanks for all the good lines!

[mediumcrunch]

"Are you going to have MORE?!" or "You're pregnant AGAIN?!"

-point to the youngest child and say "We think of him/her as our middle
child"

"Are they all yours?!"

-turn and count heads and
a) oh shoot!!! I'm missing 3!!!
b) look at the oldest and "Where you'd come from?! I guess I
picked up a spare."
-only two are mine I borrowed the rest because I love taking (4,5,6 etc..)
kids to the store

[suziek]

when I was pg--or now when we are all out and about together--I did get a few idiotic comments. I can't help but smile at them. Poor fools.

Mainly I've received a lot of compliments and/or I've heard lot of "oh, my mother had five and we had so much fun" or "what a great holiday you are going to have with so many young children" or "looks like a lot of fun ahead" or a rueful smile and a "you have the best job on earth".

Lately I've been meeting a lot of larger families, ad we are in New England where they aren't as common as other parts of the coutry.

Maybe it's a sign of just how nutty I am but I usually assume people are wistfully envious or downright jealous.

[elus0814]

I feel the same way. One is great, two is good because the first will have a playmate, three is teetering on the edge of having a large family and we got a lot of "I guess this will be your last, right?" kind of comments. Now that we're expecting #4 it's difficult to tell people. I'm excited and want to share my joy about the pregnancy but I get the inevitable questions about if it was planned (it wasn't) why wasn't I doing anything to keep it from happening, and so on. Most people, even my family, don't understand that with some things you let God take over the decisions. In their minds you are either trying or not trying - there is no middle "we'll just wait and see if we are given another" attitude.

[RedOakMomma]

This will be our fifth child, though only three of our children are still with us (and I'm pregnant). I'm dreading the remarks I'm going to get, especially the ubiquitous "You sure have your hands full!" Yuk-yuk-yuk....

Thankfully in our area there are several 3- and 4-kid families, but I do think that 2-kid (or less) families think it's okay to poke fun, or to go on about how hard it must be, that we're crazy, "how are you going to manage," etc. etc. etc.

I think I'm most worried, honestly, about getting that from my/dh's family. I'm two months along and we still haven't told them. Not sure how that's going to go.

[Kidzaplenty]

I have heard all the comments, rude and otherwise.

I guess I have just gotten used to them as they do not bother me any more. But, you should see and hear the questions (both spoken and unspoken) I get when I go out with all my children. Very interesting responses, to be sure.

[stacylsc]

You gals crack me up...I wish I had those come backs sooner...if not to speak outloud, at least to say in my mind! We are on #4...and LOVE them...we are definitely open to more, but I hesitate to tell people for the same reasons you mentioned...sad, I know. I just can't STAND the judgment...with this one and having some 'issues' with bedrest even my Mom has said, "Well, you're surely done now...if you don't do something permanent, I'll have it done for you." OUCH...normally she's really sweet and wonderful...I don't know where that's coming from, but it STINKS to not have her on my 'side'.

[at_the_hip]

You all are wonderful...and it is so great to know I am not alone!! The comebacks are awesome and I will have to file some of those away for future use. I am NOT good at thinking of a response on my feet, so usually they get stunned silence. LOL

The other comment I get with all of my girls (often directly TO my girls) is, wait a few more years until they are teenagers and they <insert some negative comment here to insinuate they will become hellions who will destroy our happy home life>...any comebacks for those comments?

[Pinoikoi]

Originally Posted by gardenmommy

I am pregnant with #5, but most people can't tell; I guess they just think I'm getting fat or something.

A coworker remarked to me the other day that he doesn't eat red meat, and implied that I should give up pork.. first off, isn't pork "the other WHITE meat" and second, this is a Filipino household.. going off pork would be like making the Earth stop spinning..

Anyway, I later figured out that he was implying that I had been putting on weight.

[mediumcrunch]

I'm sure kidzaplenty experiences the same phenomenon I'm starting to experience. People assume my youngest is the child of my oldest. Dd was mortified when we went out to eat on Mother's Day and as she was holding the door for someone (while holding my youngest) they said "Happy Mother's Day!" to her.