Moms of 4 or more? - Page 2

[Kidzaplenty]

Originally Posted by mediumcrunch

I'm sure kidzaplenty experiences the same phenomenon I'm starting to experience. People assume my youngest is the child of my oldest. Dd was mortified when we went out to eat on Mother's Day and as she was holding the door for someone (while holding my youngest) they said "Happy Mother's Day!" to her.

Oh yeah! But it gets worse. The other day some one asked my oldest son if the baby was his. He is my THIRD, and is only 13. He was truly mortified!

[MaerynPearl]

Im only working on #3 right now (pregnancy #4) but I had a conversation with DF the other day about him getting snipped when we decide we are done.

His reaction was pretty much: how will we know when we are done?

lol

[ladyelms]

during pregnancy #4, a "friend" of ours said, "you want me to sit down and have a talk w/ your husband?" he seriously cracked himself up.

i'm ready for the comments. i'm feeling very less-than-tolerant in my older age and look forward to putting people and their stupid comments in their place.

[Galatea]

Well, I got my first comment today at the walk-in clinic where I went for a throat culture. I had to bring all 3 kids and the doc knew I am pg, so he asked, "What made you decide to want another?" He was a nice guy so I just said, "We didn't feel done," but it does bother me that people act like it's a bad thing.

[gaudynight]

Yes... this is my fifth pregnancy and we have four girls, it's amazing how many people assume that we're trying for a boy. I wouldn't put myself through pregnancy and labour in the hope of a boy, I do it for the <i>child</i>, whatever gender they may be. I've said that to a few people, mostly friends who have said the wrong thing when I'm having a bad day.

When faced with the 'are they all yours?' question I've been known to look blankly at the kids and say 'I think so.' DD2 once said 'no I'm Daddy's' which really confused the person who asked... LOL. I think she felt DH was being left out!

[youngnhappymamma]

I am pregnant with our 7th and we have been getting "are they all yours" and "you must have your hands full" comments since we just had 3! I think it's sad that it's so rare (though I don't think it's as rare as people act like it is) for people to have more than 2. I usually answer peoples questions honestly and with a smile and try and say something like "it's a lot of fun" or "we are really blessed" or something positive like that. The place we lived where we got the most positive comments was in southern Indiana. People rarely batted an eye at us except to say "oh what a blessing it is to have so many children" or something else nice and encouraging. I miss hearing that! I have only had one really irritating experience and that was before my pregnancy started to show. An older lady at a store audibly counted my children then "tsked" and walked away. It was so rude. She was right next to us when she did it. I have to admit that since I am looking very obviously pregnant now, I have avoided taking all the kids shopping with just me...somehow I feel stronger and more resiliant to the stares and stuff when we are all together with my husband...it doesn't bother him at all and he is way better at coming up with quick responses to comments.

I can't wait until they are all teenagers and come up with witty comebacks themselves. And God bless all the people who take the time to make nice, encouraging comments to families like ours!

[tri31]

I have only gotten the "aren't you done yet", crap a few times. I am remarried, I get the "wow, starting all over again" from everyone. I love having a larger family. Of course many of our friends have no children. Which reminds us how fortunate we are.

[sweet_tart_vt]

I totally forgot about the "arent you done YET"? and "you know there IS such a thing as birth control/tubes tied/vasectomy etc" and the "boy you must have your hands full". Yup, I know all about birth control, so much in fact that 3 of my 7 were conceived with its "help" lol! Ive never considered getting my tubes tied as i know I want between 8-10 children, and dh and I have discussed that when we feel our family is complete he will undergo a vasectomy. As far as having my hands full, there is always an adjustment period when there is a new LO to enter the family, but humans are adaptable creatures, and our family knows very well that it takes everyone pitching in and helping eachother to make things work. "there's aways room for 1 more" is very much taken as gospel in our family.

For me personally Id have to say the worst person ive had to deal with is my own mother, sad to say. She is very selfish, unsupportive of my large family, hates my dh, detests my lifestyle, doesnt support my birth choices (we UC, BF, AP, CD, homeschool, nonvax...pretty much eveything "crunchy") we well as thinks Im borderline "satanic"(her words) becuz Im Wiccan and married to a Christian and we make it work. blah blah blah on and on. This time when I told her of my newest pregnancy she responded with "Good G*d! You know you CAN have an abortion you know and I suppose it's "that a**hole's"? (Uhhh, like who else's would it be Ma??) Nice lady huh? She then went on to let me know that *she* was "thankful for the 2 that she had and would think most OTHER people would be happy with 1 or 2 and not push their luck, afterall, i have one that has autism, G*d only knows what Im tempting fate this time around". *sigh* I think Id rather deal with the rudeness of strangers. The unkindest cuts always seem to come from those closest to you, huh?
Oh well, I love my kids, love my lifetyle and no one an dissuade me from what works for me. Stay strong ladies!
Blessed Be!

[mediumcrunch]

Originally Posted by youngnhappymamma

I can't wait until they are all teenagers and come up with witty comebacks themselves. And God bless all the people who take the time to make nice, encouraging comments to families like ours!

We've had people buy us dessert and other nice things along with coming up to us and complimenting on us on our family. It is SUCH a boost and I am always so grateful. The kids, of course, don't understand the big deal. I try and take the time to give the same encouraging words to other families when I can.

[smeisnotapirate]

Lurking. I just love big families. Both DH and I have one brother, and I wish we'd had more siblings.

I'm one of those with 1 child (at this point) who just gets creepily gushy over big familes.

[RedOakMomma]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

I just love big families. Both DH and I have one brother, and I wish we'd had more siblings.

See, that's me too. I have one sibling, and dh has three. I love my sister, but I really wish we'd had more siblings. Once your parents are gone you realize how small your family truly is.

[PreggieUBA2C]

Something that strikes me is that most people stop having children at 1 or 2 because it's so hard. Everything or nearly everything has to be purchased for the first time or again because both dc need the same things at young ages, the chaos is real and the idea of having more of that is terrifying.

It truly is!!!

What I have very rarely had the opportunity to share with others irl, is that when there are many children, the relationships and their dynamics change so much that it is never just like having two, but doubled or tripled or whatever. It is just totally different.

When we go to a popular indoor playground here, our four boys with their variety of ages and maturity levels, can and do easily accommodate children there with ease. They are supremely generous and don't hesitate, because generosity and accommodating the needs of others is inherent to our daily activities and worldview. They can make up a game that truly incorporates the desires and ideas of ten children of various ages, all of their weird ideas and characters, all of their physical qualities- limitations and excellence inclusively- and it is shocking to most parents watching from the sidelines. They cannot understand how a vigorous game of hide and tag and role-playing can incorporate children who are crawling to children who can and do jump right off the tops of the 8 ft ladders/poles and slides.

This, and amongst myriad other examples of how this life is just different and not just a lot more of the same, children with many siblings do not have to engage in conflict when one of their siblings is not interested in something or disagrees. That not everyone will agree is expected when there is such a variety of perspectives to consider daily and minute-by-minute. They have other people to go to for what interests them respectively. If ds1 wants to sit quietly and read a lap-sized book while sharing it, and ds2 doesn't want to, ds1 can ask ds3 and/or ds4, and usually, even with only four, the odds are pretty good that someone will be game for just about anything at anytime.

Mum and Dad are also not the only people who can facilitate the childrens' needs, and this is not to say that it is a luxury of neglect afforded by having many children, just that there are a lot of needs to meet with any one person, and being a child with one brother and having a vastly different experience of childhood than did he, I can say that what my dc have- someone else, maybe someone who will understand certain parts of them better, be a more cohesive partner for certain things at certain times- would have gone a long way to curbing my immense loneliness as a child, and that of many adults who I know irl, who had one or no siblings (not to say that this is a universal experience).

It is hard with many children closely spaced though, but my perspective on that really took a hit a few months ago. I worked in a daycare for my friend for one day (ds4 came with, but would not sleep at night, so I had to discontinue what was to be temporary anyway). I looked after all the needs of 10 children including my youngest who was not yet 2 yrs (but who demanded nearly none of my attention, although I scooped him up all day to fill in what he seemed to not ask for but I knew he was accommodating to his own detriment- a personality thing for him). That was one of the easist days ever. It was like taking a vacation, but it wasn't good.

The children were 'easy' because they were placed in a context where they did nothing for themselves or one another because they had no bonds with the other children and the daycare staff do everything for them. So in other words, they could all just wait with their hands out for me to meet their every need. In my home, my dc are engaged with one another, with me, with dh and with the world/our environment at all times. There is such a lively buzz to that, and even though it is hugely challenging to this extremely introverted mama, I wouldn't ever trade this for anything. The immense benefits to my dc for having one another are too obvious to ignore for even the most staunch zero-populationist (mil, for instance).

I found two children to be a 'hump' to get over. Three children was waaaay easier than two and four has been just different. We're expecting our fifth, although my measurements are pretty huge, so maybe fifth and sixth- we'll see- and I have no doubt that whomever this little person is, s/he will have a natural place too, amidst the buzz and humm of our life.

I am very obviously pg (16 weeks, but huge- 23 cm), but this time around, nobody who doesn't know me has said anything other than 'Congratulations!' We have found this area to be quite open to families of all sizes and make-up, which has been a wonderful change for us. I had people making rude remarks when I was pg with ds2 where we used to live.

[kimmom]

What a great thread I LOVE all the comments!! We are going to try for number 5 this month, well 6 actually I have a step daughter to who is 11. Our others are 7,6,4 and 2. We have been getting, you have your hands full for years now! It drove me crazy last pregnancy and after he was born. We have all girls and the youngest is a boy, we got so many "Oh you can stop now, you got your boy!" So rude! My husband comes up with great comebacks I smile or ignore, depending on the comments
I am VERY SCARED to tell my Mom and siblings, they think we are crazy already and Constantly make comments about how we should be done etc etc. My Mom says "If you have another could you please shoot me"
So I have no idea how we will tell them all when I get pregnant! Any ideas on how to handle telling unsupportive family?

[mediumcrunch]

Agreed. So many people see 6-7-8 or 9 children and multiply the amount of work they put in when they had 1-2 children under 5. It just isn't the same.
For me the tipping point was 4. 1 was easy, 2 wasn't bad at all (16 months apart), 3 was hard, 4 things started to get easier at times and by 5 I was back to about the same stress level as 2. It seems counterintuitive to those who have never lived it but 3 children that need you to do EVERYTHING from tieing shoes to preparing every meal and all personal hygiene is much more stressful then 8 or 9 children where most of those children do things for themselves and can help the littles and help you with housework, yardwork etc... Let me be clear I am *not* talking about foisiting the raising of the younger children on the olders but the concept of working together as a family/team vs. mom does everything. And we haven't even touched on the built in playmates etc....
It can get tricky with so many different personalities under one roof, it isn't all sunshine and roses but it isn't the chaos and drudgery that I believe is a common view of large family living.

[wifeandmommy2-4]

Either I am the odd one out or simply oblivious to others reactions but the only comment I ever get is "you sure have your hands full". That is the only one I get and it doesn't bother me in the slightest but of course it really isn't straight up rude like some others you ladies have encountered! But I'm the type of person that doesn't let others opinions affect me at all unless I love them and care about there opinions. The general american public, I could care less about what they think.
By the way, I'm 37 weeks pregnant with #5!

[Pinoikoi]

Yesterday I got, "You Do realize that after three bio sons your chances of another son are 75%?"

No I didn't realize that. Awfully late to tell me that now, don't you think?

[momcani]

I am loving this thread! I am pg with #5 and I get lots of great comments but also the "aren't you going to get that fixed?" We also got lots of "you finally got your girl" after #4 (the others are boys). Which I personally hate that comment, like the boys weren't good enough. I have often explained to them that these people just honestly don't know how wonderful a houseful of boys can be.

[gardenmommy]

Originally Posted by PreggieUBA2C

Something that strikes me is that most people stop having children at 1 or 2 because it's so hard. Everything or nearly everything has to be purchased for the first time or again because both dc need the same things at young ages, the chaos is real and the idea of having more of that is terrifying.

It truly is!!!

What I have very rarely had the opportunity to share with others irl, is that when there are many children, the relationships and their dynamics change so much that it is never just like having two, but doubled or tripled or whatever. It is just totally different.

When we go to a popular indoor playground here, our four boys with their variety of ages and maturity levels, can and do easily accommodate children there with ease. They are supremely generous and don't hesitate, because generosity and accommodating the needs of others is inherent to our daily activities and worldview. They can make up a game that truly incorporates the desires and ideas of ten children of various ages, all of their weird ideas and characters, all of their physical qualities- limitations and excellence inclusively- and it is shocking to most parents watching from the sidelines. They cannot understand how a vigorous game of hide and tag and role-playing can incorporate children who are crawling to children who can and do jump right off the tops of the 8 ft ladders/poles and slides.

This, and amongst myriad other examples of how this life is just different and not just a lot more of the same, children with many siblings do not have to engage in conflict when one of their siblings is not interested in something or disagrees. That not everyone will agree is expected when there is such a variety of perspectives to consider daily and minute-by-minute. They have other people to go to for what interests them respectively. If ds1 wants to sit quietly and read a lap-sized book while sharing it, and ds2 doesn't want to, ds1 can ask ds3 and/or ds4, and usually, even with only four, the odds are pretty good that someone will be game for just about anything at anytime.

Mum and Dad are also not the only people who can facilitate the childrens' needs, and this is not to say that it is a luxury of neglect afforded by having many children, just that there are a lot of needs to meet with any one person, and being a child with one brother and having a vastly different experience of childhood than did he, I can say that what my dc have- someone else, maybe someone who will understand certain parts of them better, be a more cohesive partner for certain things at certain times- would have gone a long way to curbing my immense loneliness as a child, and that of many adults who I know irl, who had one or no siblings (not to say that this is a universal experience).

It is hard with many children closely spaced though, but my perspective on that really took a hit a few months ago. I worked in a daycare for my friend for one day (ds4 came with, but would not sleep at night, so I had to discontinue what was to be temporary anyway). I looked after all the needs of 10 children including my youngest who was not yet 2 yrs (but who demanded nearly none of my attention, although I scooped him up all day to fill in what he seemed to not ask for but I knew he was accommodating to his own detriment- a personality thing for him). That was one of the easist days ever. It was like taking a vacation, but it wasn't good.

The children were 'easy' because they were placed in a context where they did nothing for themselves or one another because they had no bonds with the other children and the daycare staff do everything for them. So in other words, they could all just wait with their hands out for me to meet their every need. In my home, my dc are engaged with one another, with me, with dh and with the world/our environment at all times. There is such a lively buzz to that, and even though it is hugely challenging to this extremely introverted mama, I wouldn't ever trade this for anything. The immense benefits to my dc for having one another are too obvious to ignore for even the most staunch zero-populationist (mil, for instance).

I found two children to be a 'hump' to get over. Three children was waaaay easier than two and four has been just different. We're expecting our fifth, although my measurements are pretty huge, so maybe fifth and sixth- we'll see- and I have no doubt that whomever this little person is, s/he will have a natural place too, amidst the buzz and humm of our life.

I am very obviously pg (16 weeks, but huge- 23 cm), but this time around, nobody who doesn't know me has said anything other than 'Congratulations!' We have found this area to be quite open to families of all sizes and make-up, which has been a wonderful change for us. I had people making rude remarks when I was pg with ds2 where we used to live.

This is so true! People totally miss this about having lots of children. They see all the extra work, and wonder how in the world I can do anything, but what they don't see, is that if I'm busy, there is almost always someone else who is willing and able to accommodate the little ones' needs and desires. And, yes, my children are so flexible about creating games and such that include what everyone wants, from the littlest to the biggest. They all work together for so many things, help each other when they are hurt or scared, read to the little ones, just so many things they do with and for each other. Even though it is crazy and chaotic, and so busy for me, I wouldn't change it! I really like having a bigger family, although I don't really feel like 4 is big. I am interested to see how the dynamics change with #5.