Frustrating Napping Pattern

[foodymama]

DD is 19mo. From infant until present she was never the type of baby that could be put to sleep any where and then transferred to another location to sleep (i.e. crib). Where ever she was going to sleep is where she had to fall asleep and she wouldn't fall asleep without nursing. I would either have to lay on the floor or our bed with her until she fell asleep and then slip away or hold her the whole time. When she was an infant I could use a sling or wrap but she decided early on that she didn't like them for too long.

We worked all the gliches out of the above problems but now the frustrating situation is that she only naps for 45 min. and then wakes up. She will go back to sleep and usually sleep another 45 min. if I lay back down with her and nurse her but only if I lay with her that whole 45 min and nurse her. I can by no means unlatch her or she will wake up very cranky.

I thought maybe she only needed a 45 min. nap and have decided on occasion to not lay back down with her but that only creates a very unhappy little girl. I have tried just singing and rubbing her back but she only wants to nurse. I have also tried to have DH take her instead but she just cries for Mama. I am a SAHM and my only down time is her nap time and I haven't been getting much of that. She has never slept alone, we have co-slept since she was born so I'm pretty sure it's not a separation anxiety issue. I am actually resenting having lay down with her the second 45 min. and I am just really frustrated about it.

Has this happened to any other mamas or does anyone have any solutions?

[LadyCatherine185]

My DS is exactly the same way. My solution is, I nap with him. He is a terrible night sleeper too, so I really need to catch up on sleep, so this works for us.

[Baby_Cakes]

Nora is the same way! I can't put her down. My only solution is to rock her to sleep, lay down and slide her off. She doesn't/can't fall asleep on her own. I've read every book from Pantley to Sears to Ferber. I won't ferberize and Sears tells me to do what I already do. This is just who she is. She isn't broken. Realizing this, and not comparing her to other kids who just fall asleep has made a world of difference in my attitude towards her and myself.

That said, when Nora wakes after 45 min, I rock her and then put her down on the couch or another location. She usually won't let me put her back in (my) bed, and she, like your LO, needs more sleep than 45 min.

Know that you aren't alone -- far from it. Sometimes knowing other kids are the same helps.

[lnitti]

Is she taking 1 nap a day or 2? If she is taking 2, switching to one has solved this problem with both of my kids - although that switch for both was around 9-10 months.

[Zimbah]

I know the Babywhisperer (Tracy Hogg) has some very un-AP practices but I did find her helpful for getting my now 15 mo to nap better. My problem was similar - she would only nurse to sleep for naps (and at night) and then I'd have to stay there with her which was driving me up the wall. When DD was around 11/12 mo (can't remember) I started putting her down to nap in her cot after having bf'd, and then I did the walk in / walk out technique. This is where you put them down in the cot, go out the room, then go back in 5 seconds later (yes literally 5 seconds), pat/shush them, go straight out (without waiting for them to calm down) then, repeat this ad infinitum until she falls asleep. It might be worth a try if you haven't already, it's NOT the same as CC because by this age they know if you are only gone for 5 seconds they haven't been abandoned. DD did cry and a few times it took 45 minutes of crying but I was always there for her and now she naps much better - although sometimes only 45 minutes but at least that's time to myself instead of time lying down with her getting annoyed.

Another babywhisperer thing that didn't work for me but might for you is "wake to sleep" - where you very slightly rouse your DD 5 minutes before you know she'll wake up - just enough to 'reset' her sleep pattern. So you would go in after 40 minutes of sleep, maybe stroke her cheek or wiggle her foot, just enough to make her stir but not wake up, and then this can send the baby back into a deeper level of sleep avoiding the 45 minute wake-up.

I hope you manage to work something out.

[EzzysMom]

my daughter did that for a couple of months. I took my ipod to bed with me the second time so I wouldn't go nuts with boredom. Thankfully it has passed for the time being. I usually found it correlated with teething.

[meganlisbeth]

my son (21 mo) is similar. he's at daycare 3 days/week and there he naps for 1.5 - 2 hours!! at home we can't get any more than 30 minutes. it's driving me crazy!! napping with him just isn't an option every day. even so, if i do go lie down with him, he will nurse constantly for the rest of his nap. i'm pregnant again and my nipples canNOT tolerate it. sigh. we're just trying to survive with the 30 minutes right now and hoping that it gets longer again on it's own. i feel your pain, mama.

[elleystar]

I could have written your post, my 21 mo DS is exactly the same. Like you, I got it worked out and got him to where he would not wake at that 45 min. mark at least, probably around 7-8 months old? I don't remember now. But every now and then he'll regress, and go through a phase where at 45 min when he wakes I have to zoom back there, lie down, and nurse him back to sleep, and usually I must lay there with him the whole rest of the nap or he wakes instantly. GRRR! And this phase will last basically until I've reached the end of my rope, and then magically he'll go back to sleeping great.

I've figured out that it's always correlated with teething. These molars he's working on now have really been the worst for it. If your DS in general WAS napping great and this regression has been short term, I'd put my money on the molars.

Oh wanted to add-today so far DS been sleeping nearly 1.5 hours and still going strong. What was different about today? I put him down nearly 4 hours after he started asking for nap (10 am? I don't think so...I know what that leads to!) and about 1.5 hours after our initial attempt at regular naptime, 12:30. Plus he got stuffed just before, at our 2nd lunch attempt. You could try keeping him busy a little bit longer so that he's super tired, make sure he's full, then put him down? Maybe that would help him stay zonked through that first sleep cycle.

[foodymama]

Thank you so much mamas! You're right Baby Cakes, it helps to know I'm not the only dealing with this. Zimbah, I think I'll try the wake to sleep technique to see if that works. Every time I try something new I'm usually sadly disappointed but I'm willing to keep trying. If DD eats a good hearty lunch and gets lots of activity, I think oh wow she will sleep so good, but then she usually doesn't and the same can be said if she doesn't eat much for lunch as doesn't get as much activity. There really is no pattern.

DD doesn't have a rigid schedule. We are very flexible about nap time, meal times and bed time. We pretty much follow her cues. So sometimes if she wakes later in the morning she will only take one nap during the day but if she wakes up earlier she will take two naps. And I am perfectly fine and comfortable with that, it's just the waking in the middle of her nap and then keeping me there with her until she is finished which is my frustration.

[elleystar]

Sorry, I don't know how I saw 'DS', you have a DD! She might really be ready to go to just one nap. My DS and I had a couple of REALLY rotten months there when I just couldn't believe he'd be ready for only one nap, as his two naps got more and more difficult and his sleep got worse. It only took him a few days to adjust once I figured it out and we had a much much happier relationship after that. lol.

Not like you need one more thing to try but honestly I would try to make the meal and nap schedule a little more firm. That's also one of the things recommended in No Cry Sleep Solution. Most kids rely a LOT on routine and like knowing what's coming next. I was pretty blase about it too, I remember back when DS was transitioning from 2 naps to 1. We really clinched it when I finally enforced only one nap, and we had lunch the same time every day (give or take 20-30 min) with nap immediately afterward. Of course once the good sleep habit is ingrained you can be a lot more flexible. But anyway if that's not something you've tried yet, I really would. It makes a huge difference in a lot of kids.

[lnitti]

I agree you should definitely switch to 1 nap after lunch.

For a while, our lunch was a bit early. not a noon. more like 11. Then nap after.

We never had a firm schedule though. Just tried to get that lunch in before the nap even if it is an early lunch.

We also had a snack upon waking from the nap too.

[elleystar]

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that. Lunch started out at around 11:20. Once he acclimated we were able to push it back some. But see this was when he was around 14 mo, and we were even a bit late on the draw moving to one nap at that age. I'd be surprised if a 19 mo would need lunch that early, at least not for more than a couple of days. I bet she'd adjust nearly immediately.

[foodymama]

Just an upate. Thank you so much elleystar and Initti! We have decreased from two naps to one and it has made all the difference! We have been putting DD down for a nap after lunch and she has been sleeping for about 1 1/2 hrs without waking. Yeah!!!! She also has been going to bed at night at 10:00 pm instead of any where between 12:00 am and 2:00am. It gets a little tough around 7:00 - 8:00pm but we just keep her busy and we seem to be able to keep her going to at least 9:30 when she starts winding down for bedtime.

Thank you again. And I thought all the crankiness was because she wasn't getting enough sleep after waking up after 45 minutes. I would have never thought that she needed less naps without your help!!! Yeah for Mothering Mamas!!!

[elleystar]

Woohoo! I'm so glad it helped!

Now let me ask, is there any reason you need her to stay up till 10 pm? Most LOs are ready for bed naturally at around 7-7:30. Mine was a 9-10 pm bedtime kid too, and when I read that in the No Cry Sleep Solution book I was like, yeah right! Not my kid! But we started putting him down at 7:30 when he seemed to want bed, rather than keeping him awake until he got that 2nd wind that carried him through to 10 pm. He actually slept better, and didn't give us the 5 am wakeup call that we were worried would be the result. He actually slept through until his normal wakeup time of about 7:30 am, and he still does. The last 8 mo or so have been wondrous for DH and I, actually getting to watch shows or movies together or just hang out and have grownup time in the evening.

[foodymama]

We haven't tried an earlier bedtime since she has been down to one nap, but when we tried to put her to bed earlier at night before she would be wide awake and raring to go at 2:00am! We'll have to try an earlier bedtime with the one nap and see if it makes a difference. Right now though she is going down around 10:00pm and waking up at about 8:00am.

[GracieLynn]

I wish I could find a way to get my 30m old not to wake up when moving her. She is down to one nap a day. I *love* our family bed, don't get me wrong, but once in a while, I'd love to move her (she's never slept in a crib... we couldn't move her w/o fully waking her) once in a while... so I could easily snuggle w/dh while watching a movie or something.
We've tried laying her in other beds and only ours seems to do.

[foodymama]

Have you tried lying down on blankets on the floor, on the couch, or in another bed with her while she is awake and after she is asleep slip away? We couldn't move DD to lay her down from the moment she was born and we still can't move DD and she is 20 mo. Where ever she falls asleep is where she has to stay if we want her to sleep. I know exactly how you feel!

Laying on blankets on the floor worked the best for us. DD helped get them out, I would throw them over her head and she would play peek a boo then she would eventually help me spread them out on the floor and she and I would lie down, I would nurse her to sleep and as soon as she was sound asleep I would very carefully move away. That was the only time I could do chores on my own. And that didn't work until she was 12 mo. Up until then I had to hold her for naps.