2-day trip away from 13mo?

[corrie_cat]

Hi all, I'm considering a 48-hour trip (to Vegas!) to celebrate a friend's 40th birthday. I've never been away from her for more than a day, and that was when she was 5 months old and not as tuned in.

So.... I basically want to know if this is going to emotionally disturb or hurt her. I'm sure she and DH will have a fun weekend together, but that she'll be wondering where mommy is (especially at bedtime and during the night).

She's very attached to me, at 11 months, and I imagine still will be at 13 months when the trip would be. She's also attached to my DH, though not as much as me. I currently nurse her to sleep for nap and bedtime, and a few times at night. DH has put her down for naps many times and even bedtime by himself though, with no problems.

I'm planning to Skype (videoconference) with her at least once a day while I'm gone.

Any thoughts or advice would be welcome!

[Hezzy]

I think it will be hard on her. I first left DS at 18 months for a work trip and it was rough. He and DH didn't sleep much (we co-sleep and nurse all night) and he cried a lot - like 90 minutes stretches. I've gone on a few more trips since then, and now that he's over 2 it's a lot easier. He gets that I'm going and that I'm coming back, and he sleeps through the night while I'm gone. But before he was about 2, he was really confused and upset. He would be okay while he was engaged in stuff, but it was pretty rough overall.

Just my experience with travelling. I would wait until she's older, if possible. But if you decide to go, everyone will survive. It'll just be hard on them.

[SparklingGemini]

YMMV but I would not have left my DD for that long at that age.

Even now, DD being 30.5 months, I would not leave her for overnight.

[Alohamelly]

There's no way I could have left any of my children at that age. That's still pretty young. You know your baby best though. Do you think she could handle your absence?

[Pen_esque]

I suppose it depends on the child, but I can't imagine leaving my 16 month old for a night. She also nurses to sleep and I know that waking up and having mama there is very important to her. I just think of the times she really needs me, if she is cutting a tooth or when she fell and cut her lip and I imagine what it would be like for her if that happened while I was away. Daddy could soothe her, but it'd take longer and I'm sure she'd wonder why mama wasn't coming. Ugh, it makes me a bit queasy just imagining it. I suppose I'm not so sure I could sleep without her near, either.

So I wouldn't, but as others have said you know your DD best.

If you do decide to go, be sure to pump while you are away to keep up your supply. (That alone might be reason enough not to go!)

[calpurnia]

well, i personally don't believe she would be permanently damaged by it or anything. particularly since she already goes to sleep for dad. it's the nighttime nursing that would be the problem tho i think. i know how hard it is to miss out on these things tho.

[sparklett]

I would not have left DS when he was that age. It's just too early. I'm leaving him for the first time at 32 months and I'll be gone for all of 23 hours. I am going to miss DS terribly and don't want to go, but a close friend needs some support. If it were anything else (like a trip to Vegas), I wouldn't go. For us, there's plenty of time to do that when DS is older (much, much older).

[Dreamy]

I don't think she'd be permanently damaged either, but I know that in my DS' case, at that age, he would have had an absolutely miserable 48 hours, full of crying and confusion, which would be followed by a few weeks of over-the-top separation anxiety - not something I would be willing to put him through. Even last month at 20 months, he was upset and looking for me when I took four hours to go see a show - he refused to even eat for my DH, who he's normall fine with when we're in our usual routine.

Perhaps you could try spending the night at a friends' house one day soon, and see how she tolerates that? Not too far away so that your DH could call you home if it goes very badly

[mommariffic]

At 13 months DD was beginning to have, and love overnights with her Grandparents. I think it's fine -- she's going to be with your husband and it's not for weeks, just 3 days! Sometimes mommas need to go out and enjoy themselves and Vegas has all night buffets, yum

[foodymama]

In November I had sinus surgery. DD was 17 mo. and we had everything arranged that MIL and FIL would care for her during the surgery and then DH would bring her home. The Dr. and medical staff was well aware that I was still breastfeeding and that they were to give me no drugs that would interfere with it. Right before they wheeled me in the operating room and right before giving me the anesthesia the doctor tells me that they will be giving me cocaine and that I won't be able to breastfeed for two days so I'll have to pump and dump. It was a good thing that I really needed the surgery and that they were just about to give me anesthesia because I was so upset that I would have just canceled the whole thing right then and there.

So I really had no other choice but to leave DD with MIL and FIL for two days because there would have been no way I could have had her in the vicinity of me without her demanding to bf. But what I really want to tell you is that the pain from my sinus surgery was nothing compared to being away from her for those two days. I was completely heartbroken. When she came home after those two days she was actually a little shy with me, like she wasn't sure I was even still her Mama. I swore I would never do that to her again no matter what the circumstance.

[Birdie B.]

I think she will be just fine! And you should go and have some fun!
I have only left my daughter once, when she was 13 mo, for about 24 hours, and it was absolutely wonderful. I was burned out, exhausted and drained from being there for her every second of every day (and night), and I needed a break. She does just fine with her dad, and loves being with him, so I knew it wouldn't be a problem. I left plenty of pumped milk, and she did great.

I don't know how your daughter will be, so maybe you could try a test run. Go out for a night with some friends and let her dad put her to bed. Come home after she's asleep or something. She'll be with a loving parent, and that's what really matters. Good luck with your decision!

[Drummer's Wife]

There was a time when I would have said no, way, that is way too young. But after spending 3 weeks in the hospital when my youngest was 13 mos, I honestly don't think a weekend away is going to traumatize your LO. Keeping up your supply is the biggest concern, but as long as you pump regularly you should be fine. That all said, I don't know that I would personally choose to go to vegas while I had a nursling, but we all have different wants/needs and I think your LO will be fine with your DH (assuming she drinks out of a bottle/sippy cup/glass and can be comforted in the middle of the night).

[AmyKT]

You know your child best, but I think it's fine. My DD was staying overnight at her grandparents' house occasionally by that age.

If she seems ok when the time comes, please don't let guilt and martyrdom keep you from going.

[AmyKT]

Oh, and since you have two months left to plan for this, let your DH put her down for bed more often. By the time the trip is here, she'll be even more okay with that arrangement.

It is NOT going to scar her for life. My DD is VERY attached to me, but once I'm out of sight, she's fine.

[ASusan]

Originally Posted by calpurnia

well, i personally don't believe she would be permanently damaged by it or anything. particularly since she already goes to sleep for dad. it's the nighttime nursing that would be the problem tho i think. i know how hard it is to miss out on these things tho.

This. and I agree with AmyKT. Once DS knows I'm not around, he'll settle with DH. (This even works with sitters; once he knows DH and I are gone, he's down with them just fine - or even better than when he's with us.)

I left DS at 16 mos. for 5 nights (was supposed to be 4, but weather delayed me). Like your LO, DS was (is) well attached to dad and goes to sleep for dad, but nursed through the night. He was fine. I was hoping that some night weaning would take place, but DS convinced DH that he was hungry at his 1am wake-up, and I found that they were having a "puffs" party (corn or rice puffs, I can't remember) every night in the middle of the night when I returned! So much for more sleeping!

DS was a little clingy upon my return, but he was fine. Left him again at 26 mos for 4 nights for 2 funerals. Clingy upon return, but fine.

[corrie_cat]

Thanks everyone- I'm strongly considering not going now. I really appreciate all of your feedback.

[kcstar]

I would strongly encourage you to GO. DH needs the opportunity to bond with her. If you're breastfeeding (which I hope you are), then pump extra and let DH feed her bottles at naptime and bedtime.

I had a three-day business trip when DS was 15 months old. I called home every evening before his bedtime, and he had the expressed milk at naptimes and bedtimes. He did fine and came back to nursing right away.

Remember that your husband is her parent too. I believe it's good for children to have more than one person they trust, especially in a two-parent household, and especially as they become toddlers or older.

[Qestia]

I travelled for work at about the same age, we still were, and do, nurse much of the night, she was absolutely fine. I will say plan on pumping for your own comfort! But if she's drinking fine from a sippy or whatever, and your DH has already successfully put her to sleep, I bet she will be fine. She actually slept better for my DH, without tears either.

[mbm]

I'd say go!

At 14 months, we left DD with grandparents overnight for our anniversary. I was worried about her not being able to fall asleep without nursing, but Grandma cuddled her to sleep instead, and she slept the whole night! (As did we -- and believe me, we needed it.)

[corrie_cat]

What a diversity of opinions and experiences! Now I don't know what to do. I guess a 1-night test run is in order- great suggestion. I do very much feel that a small break is needed from a year of intense attachment parenting... but I would never do anything that hurt my baby. I had settled on a day trip to San Francisco (I"m in Seattle)- leave for the plane right after wakeup, then back in time for the first nighttime nursing.

One interesting thing is that my DH didn't react well to my telling him I wasn't going. He WANTS me to go. Maybe that means he wants more 1-on-1 time with her, and a chance to be her FT parent? Will need to ask him.

Off to ponder more...