Dating: When/How/Morals, etc.

[ilanaRose]

I left my husband 6 months ago and our divorce will be finalized (hopefully) soon and I have a 7 month old son... I have soooo many questions about this "dating world"...when I filed for divorce dating was not even on my radar and then my sister took my out dancing last night for the first time in 2 years and this tall and dreamy man started dancing with me and that was that (we recently had a dinner date). I had not expected to even be attracted to anyone but when I saw this man the butterflies were radiating all over my body! I'm not in a totally needy space, but I sooooo miss affection: the cuddles, the hand-holding, the massages...and of course, sex!

One of the things I miss about my marriage is that my husband and I were into each other the exact same amount and we both always found each other attractive so it was very re-assuring...now, since mr. hot guy has been texting me a bunch, whenever he doesn't text I feel totally nervous, sick to my stomach, and rejected lol...it sounds ridiculous but I am finding it distracting!!!

Since I was not actively looking or pursuing dating I didn't think I would have questions so soon...but, when is too soon to start dating? how do you know you are "ready"? Do you keep them completely separate from meeting your child? If you do see them in front of your child, do you show affection for them in front of your child? I mean, even if I was to have this man meet my baby and go to the park or something I would feel "guilty" if my little baby even saw us holding hands...is that ridiculous?!

Help me please...this whole thing is really driving me crazy and taking up too much space in my brain... i am a student on top of all of this, really need to be studying, and I know I'm over-analyzing all of this!

[Holland73]

Welcome to the dating world!!!

You should definitely check out the dating thread, as we have either discussed or had experience with basically everything you have asked about.

As for your questions, it is important take in mind that everyone has a different opinion to questions and that there really isn't any right or wrong answer... it is just all how YOU feel and what YOU think is right or wrong.

So, here are mine:

1. When is too soon to start dating?

Depends on what you are looking for.

If you just want to "date" to have fun, meet new people and just explore the dating world... it is never too soon.

If you are looking/hoping for a relationship, then imo, I feel like you need to be in a very good place within yourself and your life. Meaning you are at the point where a relationship would be an additive to your already fulfilled, happy, well-round life... not the main ingredient.

2. How do you know when you are ready?

Trust your instincts and feelings. You will know if you are ready or not. It is different for everyone.

3. Do you keep them completely separate from meeting your child? If you do see them in front of your child, do you show affection for them in front of your child?

Ahh, the kid factor!!! This is very different for everyone. You really have to do what YOU think is right.

Ds (who is 6.5 years) and I talk openly and honestly (age appropriately) about my dating. I don't date a lot, so it is not as though I am going out with 2-3 different men a week, or even a month. Don't have the time or money for such a dating experience.

Anyway, I trust my instincts in regards to who I intro ds to or not. I am currently dating someone new. It is very new, but has lots of potential. He did pick me up at my place our 2nd date, but it wasn't anything more than a quick "hi n' bye."

I can't imagine not introducing ds to someone that I am becoming more serious/exclusive with. For me (and ds), I would want to see what the dynamics are like between the two of them before I invest more time, energy and feelings in the relationship.

Therefore, I do not keep ds separate from them, but I also don't intro him to every man I am dating either.

There are NO guarantees in any relationship! People come and go in our lives all the time... people die, relationships/marriages end, friends have major fall outs, people move far away, etc. I cannot protect ds (or myself) from such hurt, but I can be a positive, healthy role model in how to deal with that hurt when it does come his way.

As for showing affection in front of ds... not in the very beginning.

That is my .02! You just have to do what feels right for you and your dc!