need advice on 19mo sleeping habits

[franjapany]

here is the thing: we have been co-sleeping with our son since he was born and still are. I weaned him, earlier than I had thought I would, at 1.5yo because I'm pregnant again and my milk literally dried up and bfing didn't feel like the right thing anymore.

DS was used to falling asleep at the breast and had to get adjusted to falling asleep without which at first was only possible on top of me. now in the mean time he can fall asleep cuddled next to me, but never without me.

now here's the problem: he rarely goes to sleep before DH and I, so we NEVER get any parent time. If I put him down a little earlier, he just refuses to sleep. Lately he even demands to have both DH and me present. I can't just leave him in the bed, because he just gets up again and leaves or turns on the lights.
we really need some grown up time or else we're just drifting apart more and more. but if DS goes to sleep at 10pm we are both so tired that we go right with him.

I love co-sleeping and really want to continue, but I am starting to wonder if a crib would make things easier for him to get used to falling asleep by himself (after an appropriate good night ritual with book and song and cuddles of course). Once the little one is here we will have to extend the bed anyway, but I am not quite sure yet about the logistics.

any ideas, suggestions?

[scrandall1173]

That's a great question, and I'm curious to see what answers you receive. We co-slept with our daughter who is now 14 mos old. I also got pregnant at the end of last year and decided that the co-sleeping wouldn't work with a new baby. Our daughter is a light sleeper and just my husband's snoring was waking her. She looked tired a lot. I couldn't imagine what a crying baby waking every two-three hours would do. I'm sure we would adjust, but I was concerned for her sleep.

So I did the Pantley method, sort of. We basically just started a routine. Dinner, bath, a little bit of play time, book, milk, bed. We are phasing out the milk part (I had a medical issue and had to formula-feed). But I found that it seemed to work well. Her bedtime became regular and predictable. She was usually in bed by 8pm, giving my hubby and I about 2 hours of "us time". I know exactly what you mean about how important it is to a marriage!

Once she started walking it became a whole other ballgame as she no longer rocks to sleep unless she is exhausted. So I often put her down awake with some music playing and some books in the crib (after reading and milk). She lets out a brief cry of disapproval, I reassure her that it's okay, and then I leave the room. She might let out one more yelp, but then she'll talk contentedly and eventually dose off-- usually in about 10 minutes. I leave the door open until she's alseep so she doesn't feel alone, and has some light to see her book. I close the door once I know she's asleep.

I'm conflicted even about the little yelps. They are sooo brief. I mean I count to ten and she's done and content. But after rocking her peacefully to sleep for a year, I just wonder if this new approach is right. She definately seems more rested.

I hope all goes well with your transition out of the family bed. It's so hard to know what's right-- especially once the kids are walking, I think. I just can't imagine staying with her until she fell asleep-- I think she would stay awake until she passes out from exhaustion, and then would have trouble sleeping b/c of all the cortisol her brain released to keep her awake b/c she wanted to play. I can't help but think that what we are doing now is best for her health. And it happens its good for our marriage too. I just pray that its right and keep an eye on her to be sure she's feeling secure.

Sorry to ramble. I hope a shread of what I've written is helpful. As you can see, I'm still working this all out in my head!

You're already on the right path b/c you ask the right questions.

One last word, check out what Dr Sears says-- he has a very balanced approach and posts a lot of excerpts from his books on his website-- askdrsears.com

Blessings,
Stephanie