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How did you do this??

post #1 of 40
Thread Starter 
Ladies, I am seriously about to lose my mind here.

How on Earth did you make it through this? Last night was literally the worst night ever. Every single night seems to go worse than the night before. Last night we were in bed at 8pm and I still only got one hour of broken sleep. One. hour. They just wanted to nurse all night long. Of the 10 hours spent in the bed, I had someone attached to my breast for 9.5 hours. The other half hour was spent changing diapers.

I just can't do this. I can't nurse them both together. It gives me a creepy-crawly feeling.

This is just awful.
post #2 of 40


I gave in to tandem feeding and found that if I did it when I was sleepy at night and lying down that it was much easier. Not to say that you should keep trying if you KNOW it's not for you, but just to say that I hated it too but did find times when it was easier.

How is it going with the pacifiers? How do you feel about expressing and someone else cup feeding/ bottle feeding? I know that seems drastic and is a big nono normally, but it depends what's happening for you. As a temporary measure it can work so long as you are watching supply and latch issues etc...

It really won't last forever, but it will last a bit longer. Get whatever help you can of whatever type. Try to dictate a list to someone who can coordinate things a bit.

It will get better. I promise. It's so very intense just right now, but it will get better

If you could make one change, what would it be?

I got an amby hammock and my fussier baby would spend sometime in that. I bought various gadgets second hand - get someone to trawl the net for affordable solutions that you can try out!!

Can you sleep in the daytime? How's it going with your other little one? Is anyone taking the pressure off you in the daytime? Are you managing to eat and drink ok? Snacking?
post #3 of 40
I'm not yet in your position, but I wanted to give you a .
post #4 of 40
I HATED tandem nursing. It makes me feel like I am going to run away at any moment. HATED it.

Make sure you've got enough water going in. After your post about not feeling full and the constant nursing it makes me wonder if your supply is a little low-ish. Gallon of water going in daily, good foods in your tummy, getting rest when you can.

I don't know how I did it, I just did. It was EXHAUSTING in the worst sense of the word. I nearly got no sleep for the first six weeks of their life and then it got progressively easier until we started cutting teeth.

I wish we MoMs could all live in a big, nursing commune to keep each other going. Hang in there, it DOES get better.
post #5 of 40
I promise it will get better! You have to do whatever it takes to be sane. At about 3-4 months, I started handing the boys off to DH at 8pm. I went to bed, he took care of the babies until midnight or 1am. I got 4-5 hours of sleep. We were already suplementing with formula, so that was what he did IF they got hungry.

It turns out that they didn't need to eat as often with DH, something about being in the same room with me made them want to somfort nurse.

Things got better for a while, then worse, then better, then worse...with teething and growth spurts, and swine flu, and head colds.

One of the mamas on here said something to the effect of:
"Do whatever works, for as long as it works, then try something different."

I have that mantra printed out at home to look at. I also have this one written out:
"The days may drag on, but the years? The years fly by."
post #6 of 40
post #7 of 40
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~bookcase~ View Post


I gave in to tandem feeding and found that if I did it when I was sleepy at night and lying down that it was much easier. Not to say that you should keep trying if you KNOW it's not for you, but just to say that I hated it too but did find times when it was easier.

How is it going with the pacifiers? How do you feel about expressing and someone else cup feeding/ bottle feeding? I know that seems drastic and is a big nono normally, but it depends what's happening for you. As a temporary measure it can work so long as you are watching supply and latch issues etc...

It really won't last forever, but it will last a bit longer. Get whatever help you can of whatever type. Try to dictate a list to someone who can coordinate things a bit.

It will get better. I promise. It's so very intense just right now, but it will get better

If you could make one change, what would it be?

I got an amby hammock and my fussier baby would spend sometime in that. I bought various gadgets second hand - get someone to trawl the net for affordable solutions that you can try out!!

Can you sleep in the daytime? How's it going with your other little one? Is anyone taking the pressure off you in the daytime? Are you managing to eat and drink ok? Snacking?
Thanks for your reply. If I could change one thing, it would be to have them not need to sleep ON me to sleep.

I am not giving up on the tandem feeding yet. I just really have to focus on something else.

I haven't tried pacifiers yet. But I did get some to try tonight. I am only going to give them at night after feedings. Kai could literally be nursing for hours on end because he just needs to suck to fall asleep. I am not ready to pump because that just creates so much more work for me and I just don't let-down to the pump well.

I am drinking a gallon of water a day and eating lots.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Intertwined View Post
I HATED tandem nursing. It makes me feel like I am going to run away at any moment. HATED it.

Make sure you've got enough water going in. After your post about not feeling full and the constant nursing it makes me wonder if your supply is a little low-ish. Gallon of water going in daily, good foods in your tummy, getting rest when you can.

I don't know how I did it, I just did. It was EXHAUSTING in the worst sense of the word. I nearly got no sleep for the first six weeks of their life and then it got progressively easier until we started cutting teeth.

I wish we MoMs could all live in a big, nursing commune to keep each other going. Hang in there, it DOES get better.
Thank you. I am drinking a gallon a day. I am also taking fenugreek just in case.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaChicken View Post
I promise it will get better! You have to do whatever it takes to be sane. At about 3-4 months, I started handing the boys off to DH at 8pm. I went to bed, he took care of the babies until midnight or 1am. I got 4-5 hours of sleep. We were already suplementing with formula, so that was what he did IF they got hungry.

It turns out that they didn't need to eat as often with DH, something about being in the same room with me made them want to somfort nurse.

Things got better for a while, then worse, then better, then worse...with teething and growth spurts, and swine flu, and head colds.

One of the mamas on here said something to the effect of:
"Do whatever works, for as long as it works, then try something different."

I have that mantra printed out at home to look at. I also have this one written out:
"The days may drag on, but the years? The years fly by."
Thanks mama. I need to remember that.
post #8 of 40
the first ~3 months are just bad. tiring and difficult. you are absolutely in the thick of it right now... but that's the good news. the hard part is almost over-with! just plow on through, do whatever you can to steal winks of sleep, take it day by day. as they get older, they will start to nurse less and the insanity will gradually lessen.

how i got through it... i was so exhausted that i didn't even care if they wanted to nurse all night long. i strapped myself into the ez2nurse, latched them on, leaned back and passed out. if one woke needing help, i woke up enough to help him, then back out i went. if i had to pee or something... i just held it in. i didn't even care - i was so incredibly tired. just reaching over to grab one out of the co-sleeper was too much for me, so that's how i slept. it usually bought me a solid 2-3 hour block of sleep. i'm not one of those people who are really into tandeming... but i had to. it was better than the alternative for me. actually, i napped with them that way until they were probably about 6 months.

take a deep breath and remember it's only temporary. sure, teething can be bad... etc etc... but nothing is as tough as those first few months. and you're doing it. it's getting over-with. you're amazing. keep it up!
post #9 of 40
I have no idea how I survived the first few months -- but I barely remember it, if that tells you anything. My twins turned 7 on Monday!

Just HANG.IN.THERE. It will get better at some point. It's really really rough, just do the best you can. Let go of the "shoulds" (my babies should not use a paci; my babies should cosleep) and just do your best. Big hugs to you.
post #10 of 40
Are you swaddling your twins? Swaddling is my personal cure for sleeping problems.

Did you decide to use pacifiers?
post #11 of 40
Definitely swaddle. And draw limits on the nursing--9.5 hours is just too much for anyone to do. I'd be at the breaking point before that! Tandeming was really weird at first, I agree. After a month or so I got used to it and it felt really normal.

Honestly, in the beginning I pumped a lot and had DH help with a feeding at night until they were 3 mos old. I have never been able to nurse them both while lying down, I can only do one at a time. I can take naps during the day with them both on the nursing pillow if I put lots of pillows behind my bad and head, but I have to unlatch them before I can lean back. Napping during the day is a key part of it. After really bad nights I'd call someone to see if they could babysit my toddler for a couple hours during the day so I could take a nap with the babies.

You need a break at night. You need to be able to lie down and get at least one 2-3 hour stretch of sleep. Minimum! You are recovering from the birth AND breastfeeding two babies, you have to change this situation or you're not going to remain sane. (if you are still sane, I haven't been in a long while! :P)

I'll throw out some ideas for you....If you're able to lie on your side and nurse one baby while you sleep, then your DH can take care of the other baby for a couple hours. If he has to wear the baby and walk around for 2 hours, whatever! Put a swing and/or bouncy seat next to the bed and put a baby in there, swaddled, so you have a stretch with only one baby. Give the babies to DH after nursing and have him take them in the other room and put them both in swings or vibrating in the bouncers while he sleeps on the couch. If they won't settle down, have him put them both in a carrier (the Moby wrap is perfect for twin newborns, I used to wear them in a side-by-side kangaroo position). You can't walk around forever at night double-wearing them, but I found that if I had them both in the Moby they were comforted enough that I didn't have to walk, I could just rock in the glider (and rest my own head).

Good luck finding what works, the first few months are SO HARD!! You'll make it work, somehow.
post #12 of 40
Oh, it is so hard sometimes! You do whatever you can to make it work. Our mantra was, "With twins, suvival is all that counts!"

I also had trouble with the creepy crawlies for awhile, but it goes away, mostly. I also found that reading a book or watching a movie helped to distract me from that feeling when it was strong. (yes you can nurse 2 AND read a book!!)

You don't have to change diapers if they are just wet. That will make a big difference for you.

Do you have a swing or vibrating bouncy seat? Will they use it? I had 2 swings that I used for naps and sometimes at night (like when they were sick and sleepig lying down bothered them). Don't feel about about using them as you need to. Only feel bad if you children spend ALL day in them, an hour or 2 a day is fine!!

Post-partum doulas, volunteers fro your church or local college, neighbors, twins group moms, drop in childcare, nannies agencies, or any other help you can find. Spend a day finding resources and print out the list for the fridge. Then at 3 am, when you are at the end of your rope, you know there is a list of help that your husband can start calling in the morning!

The nights are sooooooo hard sometimes. I would just hate going to bed because I knew that I would just be more tired b y morning. But it does get better eventually. And you also learn to deal and manage and make it work.

I eventually learned to nurse sidelying, with 1 twin next to me and 1 twin lying on top of me. But we also did TONS of other combinations including sleeping in the recliner.
post #13 of 40
I just posted around the same time as you. I am also in the thick of it- 1 week old babies and going insane. I just wanted to say that I feel your pain and hope we make it through very fast. It's hard to not want to press the fast-forward button when really we should be appreciating every little moment. So- if you figure something out for sleep, let me know!
post #14 of 40
Mine are 3 months old, and I really think the first month was ten times worse than anything. Swaddling, white noise, bouncy chair, swing...this is what worked here. Also gas drops (mylicon)--not very natural but it worked for one of them. Good luck...it can only get better from here, right?
post #15 of 40
BIG hugs mama - you can do it!!

Not much time to post these days but I'd second (or third...) the swaddling. It definitely made a difference for us. I never did figure out how to tandem them in bed but I slept (and still do) with one on either side of me so I just rolled back and forth...they generally didn't wake at the same time so I sort of dozed while feeding...it was a nightmare when they both woke up...while I could tandem during the day on the couch with my big EZ2Nurse, I couldn't do it in bed, even sitting up it was like crazy acrobatics for some reason. So, sometimes I would just roll back and forth...give one a bit, switch and listen to the other one fuss...back and forth...back and forth...until they finally fell asleep...for an hour...and while dh would try to help, they just wouldn't settle for him. I was so upset when they grew out of their Miracle Blankets!

The only other thing I would echo is the help during the day so that at least you can get a little rest if at all possible. I know I had a ton of help but didn't manage to get a nap very often - one thing I regret not doing...you know, instead of a shower even! Night time can just be so daunting...it's like EVERYTHING is just worse at night. Trying some positive reframing might help too in the darker moments.

You will get through this mama!
post #16 of 40
Hugs to you! I have to say that those first months are like a combination of bizarre medieval torture and happiness, too. We just plodded through and made it. You will, too. After doing this you will feel capable of lifting a truck off of a person or flying like Superman. Seriously. This is why I say multiples mamas who nurse their babies are BAD ASS!!!!
post #17 of 40
My twins really responded to the Happiest Baby on the Block stuff for sleep. We swaddled them up really snug & had white noise going. I did not want to use the baby swing, but they did really like it. Do you have a swing? I know it feels crappy to put your baby in a mechanical device, but newborn twins is do what you need to do to survive time.

I didn't have the creepy crawling feeling from tandeming until I was pregnant. Then it was hideous! So I feel for you going through that - it is miserable. Perhaps it will be more bearable as they get older and the pregnancy hormones simmer down.

It will get better.
post #18 of 40
I slept sitting up for the first 4 or 5 weeks and nused them together. I don't think I could have survived not being able to tandem.

What is it that gives you the creeps? Whenever I get them I need to figure out what is causing it and usually I'm able to deal with them then
post #19 of 40
I've read that the creeps is a hormone response and in my experience it did get better with time. I get overstimulated with just one baby so two was really difficult for me. I actually get panic attacks at let down! I think that eased up when they were, oh, 3 months old or so? There are still times when I'll refuse to nurse them together though if I'm feeling particularly agitated.
post #20 of 40
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much for the reponses.

Last night went MUCH better. I sat up to nurse them instead of trying to lie down. That way they each got a full feeding, so they slept for longer periods of time.

Kai took a pacifier for a couple of minutes while I dealt with Gavin so that helped a little bit.

I also swaddled really tightly and used a sleep positioner thing for Gavin so that he felt more secure while I was holding Kai.

Hopefully tonight goes the same!
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