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Gender Guilt...

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
With my first pregnancy, I really wanted a boy. I am 1 of 4 girls, both my sisters have girls and I really wanted to bring in the first boy and I knew how much my hubby wanted a boy. With my second pregnancy, I really didn't feel persuaded toward one or the other...having a brother for my son was really a nice idea or having a girl and one of each was neat too. This time I feel really guilty for really really wanting a girl. Of course, like all previous pregnancies, I want a healthy baby first and foremost. But I so want a girl this time. This is most likely my last pregnancy. I love my boys but I really want a girl and I hate the idea that although I will love a 3rd boy, there will be a bit of disappointment...I hate that I even wrote that...I feel rotten for feeling this way...anyone else have strong feeling towards gender?
post #2 of 6


Mama, no need to feel rotten! I think these are probably pretty natural feelings you're dealing with.

To answer your question, though, we don't have a really strong feeling about what we want in terms of the sex of our baby, although I have a "girl feeling."

Part of it is probably due to the fact that I understand and accept that no matter what the ultrasound tell us, and no matter what the genitalia indicates at birth about sex, LO will have to figure out his/her own gender in his/her own way and time.

I guess I just feel that we don't have any control over our baby's gender, even if we do get the "parts" we want or hope for.
post #3 of 6
I think gender preference and disappointment are both very normal and I don't understand why it is so looked down upon in our culture. Preferring one gender over another is not at all the same as valuing children of one gender more.

I've always wanted a girl. I was a little disappointed about DS's gender, but had boy feelings from the beginning (we don't do gender ultrasounds), and was never disappointed in him. I also knew we'd be having more babies and more chances at a girl.

Last pg, I felt strongly it was a girl and was (and still am) deeply offended when people say they want a healthy baby over a certain gender. As though it was my fault I had a m/c because I unashamedly wanted a girl.

This time, I tried to time intercourse for a girl and am hoping it worked. I still really want a daughter. Of course I want a healthy baby! What mother wants a dead girl over a live boy, or vice versa? That's a persposterous idea and I hate hate hate hearing "I want a healthy baby first" because it implies that those of us with strong gender preferences don't.

I'm not directing that at the OP or anyone in particular. It is just the #1 statement I hear about having a gender preference it it really me.
post #4 of 6
This is one of the main reasons why I have a gender ultrasound....honestly. It gives me 4+ months to deal with the disappointment, so hopefully by the time the babe is in arms, I'm at peace and happy. For me it's an important part of the bonding process, and it starts in the womb. I know it's different for every woman, but that's my
post #5 of 6
You shouldn't feel bad at all! I have 2 beautiful little girls and this will be our last baby....guess what? I REALLY want a little boy. I will of course be totally in love with another little girl should that be what I am blessed with but my oh my, would i love to know what it's like to be the mama of a little boy
post #6 of 6
Quote:
Originally Posted by doulalmt View Post
this is one of the main reasons why i have a gender ultrasound....honestly. It gives me 4+ months to deal with the disappointment, so hopefully by the time the babe is in arms, i'm at peace and happy. For me it's an important part of the bonding process, and it starts in the womb. I know it's different for every woman, but that's my
that. 100% ita.
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