Baby doesn't do drowsy- how to learn to self-soothe?

[Peachthief]

Everyone always says to put your baby down to sleep while she's drowsy so she'll learn to fall asleep on her own. Well, DD (6mo) is never drowsy, and has been this way from Day 1. She will fall asleep just fine nursing, being bounced, or in the car, but if you stop whatever is settling her down, she pops right back up (and often gets mad). I read NCSS, and the ideas in there make good sense, but they presuppose that you can get your baby into a drowsy state and go from there. I've been trying the PPO, but the window between "give the boob back or I will be pissed!" and "so asleep I didn't even notice it was gone" is so small I often miss it. There's no reason I have to get her to fall asleep on her own *now*, but I'm wondering how this will work itself out. Will she most likely learn to do it over time, or do I need to get a game plan?

Thanks,
Sarah

[CanBoo]

Honestly I believe some kids just don't get in the so-drowsy-that-will-sleep-no-matter-what state... Sorry.

DD1 fits your description and is still like that at 3.

After dealing with her, I thought the drowsy thing was just a bunch of BS actually... until dd2. But DD1 will only get in that state when she is sick.

[CanBoo]

I still nurse her to sleep and I have learned to live with it. If nursing doesn't work or or not possible that day, we just lay down with her.

[dogretro]

We also lay down w/ dd until she falls asleep. This is what she prefers & if she is tired it does not take long at all. She loves to snuggle & I do relish that! I could not stand the feeling of comfort nursing, so she has always taken a binky for sleeping (still does, but only for sleeping). One of our foster babies liked to be bounced in the bouncy chair to sleep & that was just fine w/ me! I could be on the comp and bouncing the chair w/ my foot!

My big thing is, I do not want to get roped into being the only one who can put our kids to sleep. That was also part of why I put the bink in dd's mouth as soon as she was drifting off on the breast. Every kid is different & I have met those who just want to be laid in the crib & go to sleep themselves. Not all of them like rocking or nursing to sleep. If things get to the point where your routine is bothering you, THEN you work to change it. If it is fine for you now, don't sweat it

[ssh]

Originally Posted by Peachthief

Everyone always says to put your baby down to sleep while she's drowsy so she'll learn to fall asleep on her own. Well, DD (6mo) is never drowsy, and has been this way from Day 1. She will fall asleep just fine nursing, being bounced, or in the car, but if you stop whatever is settling her down, she pops right back up (and often gets mad). I read NCSS, and the ideas in there make good sense, but they presuppose that you can get your baby into a drowsy state and go from there. I've been trying the PPO, but the window between "give the boob back or I will be pissed!" and "so asleep I didn't even notice it was gone" is so small I often miss it. There's no reason I have to get her to fall asleep on her own *now*, but I'm wondering how this will work itself out. Will she most likely learn to do it over time, or do I need to get a game plan?

Thanks,
Sarah

Yes your DD will learn to fall asleep on her own. Mine did, but it took her a few weeks. I nursed my DD to sleep until she weaned herself a couple of months before her 4th birthday. The first couple of weeks she would put the covers over her head and toss and turn until she went to sleep. Then she just wanted to hold someones hand until she nodded off. A few days after turning 4 my DD decided she wanted to sleep in her own bed. Now she goes to sleep while listening to stories or soon after we finished reading. She isn't 'drowsy' until she's been in bed for awhile. We read at least 4 picture books. Then she sleeps 10 to 11 hours.

[JessieBird]

I gave up and changed the way I looked at it instead. One day I realized that I love nursing DS the other ten times a day that I do it, so why was I so hell-bent on avoiding nursing him to sleep? I allowed myself to admit that I love the quiet time that I get when I am nursing or snuggling DS to sleep and I've blocked out all the pressure to get him to "self soothe" ever since. What could be better than falling asleep in your mama's arms anyway?

I do agree with pp that I don't want to be the only one who can get my child to sleep so DH sometimes does the soothing and cuddling to sleep part after I nurse. And it's true that I have a lot to do in the evenings so sometimes it's hard to spare that 45 minutes or whatever it takes but it's so restorative for both of us that I'm glad to be "forced" to take time away from everything else in life. It's not going to last forever so enjoy it while you can I say.

[Icehockey18]

Ds has never gotten drowsy either. He only falls asleep nursing or in the moby. If I even try to sneak away after he's fallen asleep his mama raidar usually goes off and he wakes right up! He does fall asleep with dh if dh walks him to sleep though, but he would rather have the boob. I, like pp have said, just have learned to accept and enjoy the time nursing ds. Sometimes it's hard when there seems to be a million things I need to get done, but I know this stage won't last forever. I love being able to nurse my babe off to a peaceful sleep One day he will be a big teenager and will want nothing to do with cuddling mama.... I'm getting the cuddles in while I can!

[rzberrymom]

Some babies just can't do the whole 'put them down drowsy' thing. My DD#1 couldn't do it until she was about 18 months, and I must have tried a thousand times. But my DD#2 had no problem at all with being put down drowsy from the very beginning (as long as I was lying next to her).

The No Cry Sleep Solution has lots of gentle suggestions for how to do it (none of them worked for my first kiddo, but some people do have luck). It's always worth a try, but some babies just aren't able to do it until they're older.

She'll be ready one day.

[Hoopin' Mama]

I read NCSS and it just wasn't happening for us. I gave up, and was able to put ds down drowzy by 2. Sometimes. He's 5 now and sometimes we still stay with him scratching his back until he falls asleep.

[lindsayjean]

I didn't read the other responses so sorry if this is repetitive or something.

Meh- my almost 3 yr old never ever fell asleep on her own, when I laid her down 'drowsy' she's just wake back up. So i always put her fully to sleep before laying her down. Sometimes I'd hold her a little longer just to make SURE she was asleep. She is now (and since she turned 2) such a good sleeper, all I do is say goodnight and turn on her fan and shut her door and she puts herself to sleep!! She was SUCH a hard baby with sleep, but now I don't stress about it so much with my 2nd (who is 6 months old) because I know that they WILL learn to put themselves to sleep eventually and I won't have to go to their dorm room to rock them to sleep at night. Honestly I kind of misses snuggling my daughter to sleep, it was such a special time.

[almadianna]

at 6 month old trying to get a baby to self soothe is not gonna happen unless they are ready, which most of them are not.

my kids didnt do drowsy at that age either, for my first it was almost 2 and for my second it was a year and a half... and i consider myself lucky.

[sunfish21]

Originally Posted by Peachthief

I've been trying the PPO, but the window between "give the boob back or I will be pissed!" and "so asleep I didn't even notice it was gone" is so small I often miss it. There's no reason I have to get her to fall asleep on her own *now*, but I'm wondering how this will work itself out. Will she most likely learn to do it over time, or do I need to get a game plan?

I kept waiting for DD (now 22 mos) to learn to do it, and she never did. I had to help and it still doesn't always work, but more than it doesn't. Like a pp, I consider myself lucky.

This elusive window between "don't take it away" and "out cold" is tricky. But that is what I worked on--finding that moment. When she is really drowsy I ask her to take a break, and she will pull off and rest her cheek against my chest. Then we rock a little more. At first I would rick her to sleep here, which at least wasn't actively nursing. Then we would love to the bed to crash there. Now I can lay her down after the rocking, nursing and cuddling and lay her in the bed awake. She often stays there, although the new thing now is repeated calls of "mama, potty!".

IMO, some do figure it out and some don't. But you can 'sway' the situation if you are patient....

[lifeguard]

Just wanted to say that it's comforting to know that ds is not the only babe that doesn't do drowsy. He is the same with waking up, one moment sound asleep the next wide awake!

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by rzberrymom

Some babies just can't do the whole 'put them down drowsy' thing. My DD#1 couldn't do it until she was about 18 months, and I must have tried a thousand times. But my DD#2 had no problem at all with being put down drowsy from the very beginning (as long as I was lying next to her).

The No Cry Sleep Solution has lots of gentle suggestions for how to do it (none of them worked for my first kiddo, but some people do have luck). It's always worth a try, but some babies just aren't able to do it until they're older.

She'll be ready one day.

Mine doesn't do drowsy either. She's either out cold, or still too awake and pissy.