Partner on swing shift

[pangirl]

Just wondering if any other mamas are raising a baby with a partner on swing shift?

My husband is on his midnight shift this week (he rotates 10-12 hr days, afternoons, midnights shifts every 10 days). I was just reading one of the latest sleep deprivation threads because I really struggle with my daughter's frequent wakings, and lotsa folks suggest getting DH to help more at night. But my DH can't be there so many nights, and we've found when he is there our DD will get hysterical with him. Not sure if that's due to him not being around as much or what.

Anyone else dealing with the swing shift or some other crappy schedule? How does it impact your parenting? Any special coping methods or success stories?

[JordanKX]

Not much help here, but for DS's first three months, DP was working graveyard. It was hard, very hard. Luckily he was a great sleeper and we quickly got into a routine together, but on those nights when you'd like a little support, someone to take just ONE of the crying sessions... yeah. I feel for you.

When DP's schedule changed, I promptly went YAY, YOU get the baby for a few hours. And DS screamed the entire time. So sad. And yes, I definitely think it's because honestly, DS just didn't have that great of bonding with Dad. During the day DP was sleeping, so there was maybe only 2-3hrs that they were together at night. But they are coming around. It's taken time though.

Bummer is now, for me at least, DS and I have such a great night routine and I often wake up before he does... so DP still can't really be help. I've worked myself into a pretty great, solo, role :-)

[mambera]

Normally I do all the nighttime parenting, but I occasionally have to take call overnight so DH is stuck with being the nighttime parent on those occasions.

Those nights have been pretty rough for him, I won't lie. DD loves her daddy but she is used to boob on demand at night. A hairy chest and a cold silicone-tipped bottle are SO not doing it for her.

But it's becoming less rough with time. She's still not happy about it but she's figured out that once in a while she'll have to have a Daddy night. The two of them have figured out what works between them - and it's pretty different for what works for Mom.

Just bc your DH is on midnight shift 1/3 of the time doesn't mean he can't help the other 2/3 of the time. I think the more he helps at night, the easier it will be for him bc the more accepting the baby will be. If she isn't used to seeing him much, of course she is not going to be happy when he suddenly takes your place as the nighttime parent.

Can you designate a short stretch of time that he will handle? Eg he could take 10 pm-12 mn when he is on day shift, 3am-5am when he is on afternoons or something like that. This guarantees you a small break, but it's not too long so if your DD is unhappy it won't last more than 2h. Over time she should get better with him and maybe you can extend the DH time, if that works for both of you.

[abharrington]

yup...dh works 2pm - 12 am 4 days a week...some nights gets held longer. do i do all the dinner/bath/bed stuff and most of the nighttime parenting. its not easy but that way dh is with the dc during the day while i am at school and we need very little childcare (About 6 - 8 hours per week).

he does help ds if he wakes after 3am or so...which gives me a chance for some sleep. then i get up and let dh sleep in a bit until i leave at 8.

[abharrington]

oh...i think for us its so important for dh to be with the kids during the day...he is really close with them. he does breakfast, morning play, errands, lunch and naptime. we are very thankful that the dc have such a good bond with both parents...but there are nights that i am DONE by the time they are in bed at 7.30

[dyehappy]

Anyone else dealing with the swing shift or some other crappy schedule?

Ugh, yes. My DH was sent to work out of town when DD2 was a month old. She is 7 months old now, my DS is 22 months and DD1 is 14yo. DH is gone at least 4 days every week and sometimes is required to work through the weekends into the following week being gone up to 12 days!!

How does it impact your parenting?

I am typically a calm and patient mom. But, I have had nights where I didn't think I would survive until morning - when (a) both babies were crying, (b) one baby would cry and wake the other, (c) I was too exhausted to sleep when both babies were sleeping beautifully. The following morning, I give myself a break and opt for the easiest possible breakfast and let the kids hang in their pj's for hours. My kids behavior directly relates to my stress levels - they are so much more clingy, whinny, and sulky (my teen). Most of the time, that will clue me in and I can somewhat snap out of it and force myself into a more positive state of mind. I have no other choice right now, so I'm trying to make the best of it.

Any special coping methods or success stories?

Other than going easy on myself the following day, I haven't discovered a special coping method - I'm living everyday in survival mode, praying that my DH will be able to find another job soon that will allow him to be home every night (or at least most nights). So, I'm subbing to see what others have to offer.

The sunnyside is that all three of my kids are very happy and thriving and everyone tells me that I'm handling the situation beautifully (thank goodness they can't see the chaos in my mind).

Hang in there mama!!

[BlueWolf]

Urgh dyehappy, how do you survive the traveling with 3 kiddos? Its hard enough with just one!

My DH travels M-F, so night time parenting rests solely on my shoulders. Along with everything else during the week.... On the weekends, I'm still in charge of night time parenting, but once DD is up for the day my DH takes her and lets me sleep in for an extra hour or two. That's what really keeps me going. It's nice that he's very hands on with DD when is home on the weekend. Kind of gives me a mental break and breather that I so desperately need.

ETA I've also had my middle of the night nightmares. When DD wakes every half hour, or I just can't sleep because I'm so incredibly exhausted. Nothing helps to through those things except to live minute by minute. I too, am in survival mode all week long.