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Would you fight this?

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
Long story short, I don't feel like my DD is being properly taken care of with her visits to her dad's. This past time proved me correct. She has multiple food allergies at 16 months old and so I always prebuy/pack foods that she's allowed to eat and ask her dad to only feed her that because I'm so concerned about her allergies. When I picked her up this Saturday she had the worst allergic reaction I had ever seen and he wasn't doing anything about it! I took pictures and we almost went to the emergency room because her tongue and lips were swelling so bad but the Benydryl our doctor instructed us to give her significantly reduced the swelling. The reaction also caused her to have diarrhea and a HORRIBLE, blistering diaper rash that she did NOT leave my house with. Can I do anything about this? I would like supervised visits ATLEAST. Do I have a valid argument or if I call a lawyer will they LOL at me? Does it mean anything that he's behind in child support as well? Thanks ladies.
post #2 of 10
Is this the first time this has happened, or is it habitual? I would certainly document everything. But if it's the first time it's happened my guess is there's not much you can do about it. Also did he tell you what he fed her? I would think this might be hard to prove if he denies it. Do you have something from a Dr that says what she's allergic to? I don't know that I would necessarily call a lawyer at this point but I would certainly document everything. And I would do my best to work it out with your X before going the legal route which will be expensive and likely messy.
post #3 of 10
I would contact a lawyer. I am glad she was ok, but this could have led to her throat/airway swelling shut. This could be life threatening. I am so glad it was not. She might also need an epi pen.
post #4 of 10
Next time it happens take her to ER. Even if you can fix it without - if its documented by a Dr you have a better chance of being able to do something about it.
post #5 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by thyra View Post
Next time it happens take her to ER. Even if you can fix it without - if its documented by a Dr you have a better chance of being able to do something about it.
That is such a frustrating situation. I'm sorry mama.

My ds had multiple food allergies (corn, egg, dairy and strawberry) as a baby/toddler (he outgrew them all by his 2nd birthday... ). I always sent food with ds because I knew otherwise ex would either feed him something he shouldn't be eating or not feed him at all (visits were only 3 hours long though so while not ideal, it wouldn't have harmed ds too much). I can't tell you the number of times ds came back all covered in hives, itchy and with a diaper rash from h*ll (or, more likely, the diaper rash came shortly after returning to me). I remember one time ds came home in "reaction mode". I questioned ex, who claimed he didn't feed ds anything. On closer look I saw red applesauce on ds's shirt. Ex still denied it, but I guarantee it was some sort of berry applesauce (and more than likely had corn syrup too so a double whammy for ds). All I could do was take pics and contact my lawyer. A couple weeks after that ds came back to me reacting again. I questioned ex, who said he didn't feed ds anything. On ds's coat, however, was drops of milk. I know it wasn't breastmilk because at that time I wasn't pumping and sending it anymore (because ex refused to feed it to him anyway). So I know he gave ds milk, which he was allergic to. Again, I took pics and contacted my lawyer. Ex stopped seeing ds a few months later so I never had to worry about it again.
post #6 of 10
Thread Starter 
YES! He denied it too, it wasn't until I said "I'm on the phone with the doctor and we need to know EXACTLY what DD ate so I know to rush her to the hospital or not" that he replied with "well.. it could have been those veggie chicken patties I gave her at lunch" you dipshit, you mean the veg. chicken patties made from SOY which we had a conversation about her specifically NOT eating her fav. veg. patties? :/
Anyways, after the first post it made total sense and I contacted an allergists and got her a apt. within 30 minutes and she's scheduled a blood test tomorrow. I only know she's allergic to these things through the consultation of a naturopath doctor and an elimination diet but if getting a blood test tomorrow has it set in stone from a MD that she's allergic and BD continues to purposely feed her these foods, I will document it and contact a lawyer. Until then, I don't have anything that will hold up, right?
post #7 of 10
yes. but not without more documentation and another incident. talk to your lawyer.
post #8 of 10
Did you use a lawyer to work out this visitation schedule? Is there an official schedule? If not, I would seriously re-think this. And I would consult with a lawyer, either way. You ex is being horribly irresponsible about your child's health!

Until then, I would let him see her but not to be responsible for her more than a couple of hours at a time... in other words, to not be responsible for her meals, because he obviously can't handle it.

My own ex did something similar when my son was that age... he doesn't have allergies, but he'd had stomach flu for 10 days and the Dr. said no dairy products, etc and put our son on a strict diet because he was getting so dehydrated... So even though ex KNEW this, the first thing the dope did was give our son chocolate pudding! And since we didn't have an official schedule yet, I would not let him take our son alone.

Don't let it go, it's too important.
post #9 of 10
I think you need more documentation and you need to give him a list of the things the allergist finds she is allergic to so he can avoid feeding her those things but still have a choice to feed her the things he chooses to feed her. I don't think you can get supervised custody just because he doesn't feed her the same things you feed her, but you may be able to get it if he deliberately feeds her things she is allergic to.
post #10 of 10
good luck!!

I went through the courts and complained about my child being fed food they were allergic to and it didn't seem to register with the people I was complaining to at ALL.

I would take pictures with a witness who signs a statement so you can take both the pictures and statement into court to prove you have valid complaints. I also think if you have to visit the emergency room it looks a lot more serious, especially if the doctors give an epi-pen.
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