"Greedy" 4.5YO

[staceychev]

How do you try to teach your kids to not be greedy? My 4.5YO wants everything all the time. The princess dresses she has are not enough--she needs a Snow White one. The movies she has are not enough--she needs the one her friend at school has.

I'm sure some of this is developmental, but there has to be things I can do to work against this. And, I'm not anti-stuff. I don't mind her having movies and princess dresses. I just mind that she complains about not having the green Barbie Musketeer when she doesn't play with the one she has, and she sniffs and cries and gets dramatic because it's OH SO SAD that she doesn't have the [insert thing here] that she wants more than anything.

Am I giving her too much stuff? Can I teach her to be moderate?

(Oh, and for what it's worth, she does watch TV, but only Nick Jr, so no commercials. She is in preschool, though, and I think she gets lots of ideas there from the other kids. And, she has a memory like a steel trap. She still remembers things she saw in stores a year ago, and this year at Christmas talked about what Santa forgot to get her the previous Christmas when she was 3.5!)

[Jenifer76]

Perhaps an age thing because my daughter is the same way. She wants everything she sees and she remembers everything. I think the problem comes when you actually get the child everything (at least I hope that is the case).

I have severely limited her time with a friend who learned to throw a tantrum and actually get whatever item. I don't want my daughter getting any ideas.

[lilyka]

this was simply something I never tolerated. my first line of attack would be to come up with a solution. "maybe you and zoey could trade dresses for a week" or "maybe zoey sould bring her princess dresses over and we could do a princess photoshoot of both of you wearing each and every dress".

if they wanted to whine and pout about what they did not have they could go do it alone in their room. occaisionally I would tell them to stop and there would be some sort of consequence if they did not. (such as losing the thing they already had that was enough.

we also talked about things like fiding greed, laziness, evny etc in age appropriate ways.

[*bejeweled*]

We talked about how it is rude to always say, "I want ____, I want _____."

I will say, "I understand that you want _____, but it is important to be grateful for what you have. There are so many litttle girls who don't have anything and would love what you have."

If she keeps on I'll say, "Since you seem to not appreciate what you have, do you want to give it to someone who would love to have it?"

After an emphatic "No" she drops the subject.

[JL83]

I respond to the "I want..." with "And I want a pony..." And then I talk about how cool it would be to have a pony in the house and where the pony would sleep (in our bed). Pretty soon we're both laughing.

Then I finish with "sadly, we don't get everything we want. I might not have a pony, but I've got a cat for a pet and I'm happy with that."

[staceychev]

Originally Posted by JL83

I respond to the "I want..." with "And I want a pony..." And then I talk about how cool it would be to have a pony in the house and where the pony would sleep (in our bed). Pretty soon we're both laughing.

Then I finish with "sadly, we don't get everything we want. I might not have a pony, but I've got a cat for a pet and I'm happy with that."

I love this!

Anyway, really great ideas, everyone. I'm kind of doing a lot of that (modeling the thankfulness) already, and it's good to know that's what other mamas are doing. I'm impatient and need to see results to trust what I'm doing--I guess I need to just keep at it.

Thank you all!

[chattyprincess]

If its any help I am dealing with a very similar issue with dd 3.5. I am working on something I actually heard another mother saying in a store. Instead of saying " I want/need....xyz" she has to say "I really like xyz" to which I try to engage with questions of why she likes it "the color, the "coolness" etc etc" its actually working really well and I find it still lets her express her intrests without feeling like all I hear all the time is GIMME GIMME GIMME...

[crl]

I have found an allowance helpful for dealing with this. We started it when when DS was 5 though, so I'm not sure how it would work with a younger child. It helps to reframe the conversation---DS: "I want x." Me: "Well, let's see how much it costs? Okay, you'd have to save your allowance for 3 weeks to buy it." Usually he drops it, occasionally he saves the money up. Either way, he doesn't whine to me about it.

(Unfortunately this only works with THINGS. DS finds plenty of other whining opportunities related to going to the park, or a friend's house, or whatever.)

I also instituted a requirement that he tell me one thing he is grateful for everyday before he goes to bed. I tell him one too. (We say things like, I'm grateful the sun was shining today. Or I'm grateful I got to see my friend.) I'm not sure it's had much impact on his general attitude, but I figure at least once a day he has to say something good.

Catherine