My husband has told me he trusts me, completely, to answer things honestly if his daughter asks. And, as I'm pregnant, she's been asking--mostly anatomical questions, "how big is the baby now?" "Is it going to hurt when it comes out?"--and those have been pretty easy to answer ("I've heard it's peach-sized; let's look at a picture of a 15-week fetus"; "It hurts for most people, but there are ways to manage the pain").
She asks me these questions because, well, I'm the pregnant one. Her dad can answer questions about fetal size and whatnot (he's there when we look at pictures), but not necessarily on what things feel like. Further, her mother has made it clear that she doesn't want to answer questions about my pregnancy (she's actually been remarkably cool about the whole thing, but understandably doesn't want to talk about my uterus).
So no biggie there.
Eventually, though, there will be harder questions. SD has already asked her dad why Freddie Mercury died and how he got sick (and he answered that one honestly, though not graphically). She put 2+2 together and is thoroughly grossed out by the idea that her dad and I did that thing that the naked line drawings in "It's Not The Stork" did to make a baby.
I've already stammered over "what does a clitoris do?" because I couldn't really answer that one in simple anatomical terms. (I answered something along the lines of, it can help make sex feel good. She already knows from her book that "sex" is how we usually make babies. But it's not a great answer.)
My husband has already said he trusts my judgment on age-appropriateness and also on the "values" discussions, if asked (we're on the exact same page regarding values, so I won't be telling her anything he'd disagree with).
However, I'm not positive I'm comfortable with all that...it kind of feels like "not my place," though my SD sometimes just wants a female voice and sometimes feels uncomfortable going to her mother.
***(Here's the possibly triggering part.)
SD's mother is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and as a result and by her own admission, has not had a healthy view toward sexuality. I won't go into details, but she has answered what seem like normal 7-year-old curiosity questions (keep in mind, SD has an age-appropriate comprehensive sex ed book, that her mom gave my husband the go-ahead to introduce, so while "what does semen look like?" may seem shocking from a 7-year-old, the concepts have been introduced) with a shocked, borderline angry "Where did you HEAR about that?!!!" (and then a panicked phone call to us--this is how we know). Or, her mom clams up completely and changes the subject.
So, SD sometimes hesitates in asking her questions, and so she comes to her dad or me. But I *know* her mom would freak if she knew I was answering questions beyond basic anatomy and my own pregnancy.
If you were in this situation...what would you do? I can't defer to Dad when she clearly wants female input, deferring to Mom won't help (and may actually harm) if all that will happen is SD will get yelled at, but I still feel out of place answering myself.
If you got through all this, thanks.
She asks me these questions because, well, I'm the pregnant one. Her dad can answer questions about fetal size and whatnot (he's there when we look at pictures), but not necessarily on what things feel like. Further, her mother has made it clear that she doesn't want to answer questions about my pregnancy (she's actually been remarkably cool about the whole thing, but understandably doesn't want to talk about my uterus).
So no biggie there.
Eventually, though, there will be harder questions. SD has already asked her dad why Freddie Mercury died and how he got sick (and he answered that one honestly, though not graphically). She put 2+2 together and is thoroughly grossed out by the idea that her dad and I did that thing that the naked line drawings in "It's Not The Stork" did to make a baby.
I've already stammered over "what does a clitoris do?" because I couldn't really answer that one in simple anatomical terms. (I answered something along the lines of, it can help make sex feel good. She already knows from her book that "sex" is how we usually make babies. But it's not a great answer.)
My husband has already said he trusts my judgment on age-appropriateness and also on the "values" discussions, if asked (we're on the exact same page regarding values, so I won't be telling her anything he'd disagree with).
However, I'm not positive I'm comfortable with all that...it kind of feels like "not my place," though my SD sometimes just wants a female voice and sometimes feels uncomfortable going to her mother.
***(Here's the possibly triggering part.)
SD's mother is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and as a result and by her own admission, has not had a healthy view toward sexuality. I won't go into details, but she has answered what seem like normal 7-year-old curiosity questions (keep in mind, SD has an age-appropriate comprehensive sex ed book, that her mom gave my husband the go-ahead to introduce, so while "what does semen look like?" may seem shocking from a 7-year-old, the concepts have been introduced) with a shocked, borderline angry "Where did you HEAR about that?!!!" (and then a panicked phone call to us--this is how we know). Or, her mom clams up completely and changes the subject.
So, SD sometimes hesitates in asking her questions, and so she comes to her dad or me. But I *know* her mom would freak if she knew I was answering questions beyond basic anatomy and my own pregnancy.
If you were in this situation...what would you do? I can't defer to Dad when she clearly wants female input, deferring to Mom won't help (and may actually harm) if all that will happen is SD will get yelled at, but I still feel out of place answering myself.
If you got through all this, thanks.
That was an interesting night of questions! Especially when she finally got to "you did it more then once?!?!?!" LOL LOL LOL
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